Things I Do Not Hate

What’s with all of the headlines explaining the feelings people may or may not have?

Google has a new logo and the New Yorker thinks I hate it. “Why you hate Google’s new logo,” the headline explains. But I don’t hate it. (I’m not sure whether I like it yet, but that isn’t the same thing.) And when did headlines start getting so bossy and presumptive, anyway?

Here is a sampling of things I do not hate, despite headlines to the contrary:

1. Semiconductors

2. Poor people

3. Lebron James (okay, that one's The Onion, but still)

4. Car shopping

5. Fifty Shades of Grey

6. Giving the same gift to multiple people

7. CGI

8. Conversational icebreakers

9. Annuities

10. Doing things alone

11. Denim cutoffs

12. Kentucky

13. Keurigs

14. Selfies

15. Selfie sticks

16. The sound of my own voice

17. The Internet

18. My daughter’s boyfriend

19. All of my clothes

20. Math

21. My job (To be fair, Vermont Public Radio tries to have it both ways here. The headline is: “Why We Hate/Love Our Jobs.”)

22. People from the rest of the country

23. Rich geeks

24. That “one red paperclip” guy

25. Talking on the phone (okay, getting warmer)

26. The word “moist” (I mean, hate is such a strong word!)

Okay. I should probably confess I wrote a headline like this once. “Why Do We Love Manhattanhenge?” My editor made me change it. And I guess I do hate cliche, so The New York Times has me there. (Can’t really deny this one either.) And how about my colleague Jim Fallows’s “Why We Hate the Media”? It's a classic from The Atlantic archives—though when it first ran, in 1996, the headline didn't have a “we.” (It was: “Why Americans Hate the Media.”)

But I definitely do not hate the media. Not even when it tells me why I hate things that don’t bother me.