Jeff Bezos' '60 Minutes' Surprise: Amazon Drones
When the great Machine-Human War of 2025 commences, those of us who survive (who will be few in number) can point to this 60 Minutes broadcast as the beginning of the end of humanity.
60 Minutes, though almost definitely not a fan of surprises at its own expense, tried to give one to its viewers tonight, promoting its interview with Amazon founder Jeff Bezos as having a "big surprise" with "something he wanted to unveil for the first time" to correspondent Charlie Rose, who saw it and let out an "oh my god!"
The internet was abuzz! What could it be? A new newspaper purchase? A service that delivers Amazon purchases to your doorstep instantly? A real Benghazi witness?
Jeff Bezos' big shocking reveal on 60 Minutes tonight: Amazon turning a profit?— MG Siegler (@parislemon) December 1, 2013
Bezos promises "big surprise" tonight http://t.co/wiDd0mEsQL My guess: Half the books shipped w/ empty pages, no one noticed.— Quentin Hardy (@qhardy) December 1, 2013
The contents of http://t.co/Of7Y5a1VpZ, printed on paper daily and delivered right to your door. #JeffBezosBigSurpriseGuesses— Josh Greenman (@joshgreenman) December 1, 2013
Maybe Jeff Bezos will formally apologize on 60 minutes for letting me order a kindle case thinking it was a kindle. (I made it about me!)— Caroline Moss (@socarolinesays) December 1, 2013
Prediction for the Bezos surprise tonight: phone.— Mike Rosenwald (@mikerosenwald) December 1, 2013
He’s buying 60 Minutes, but can deliver it in 58 minutes, if you have Prime. #JeffBezosBigSurpriseGuesses— Robert Hernandez (@webjournalist) December 1, 2013
Jeff Bezos formally explaining how to really pronounce his name. #JeffBezosBigSurpriseGuesses— Sara Schwartz (@saraschwartz) December 2, 2013
Also, this fun-ruiner:
"My Week As An @Amazon Insider" A sobering read, ahead of the #Bezos @60Minutes "surprise" tonight: http://t.co/7LFrRaLXHF via @guardian— Raju Narisetti (@raju) December 1, 2013
So, after all that hype, what was the big surprise?
Amazon unveils Amazon PrimeAir Drones on @60Minutes pic.twitter.com/1nPT4v2d70— Lance Ulanoff (@LanceUlanoff) December 2, 2013
Amazon Prime Air Drones, to be exact. They are autonomous and will somehow, someday help Amazon deliver packages in 30 minutes or less.
"One day, Prime Air vehicles will be as normal as seeing mail trucks on the road today," says Amazon's FAQ.
And then, according to basically every science fiction movie ever made, they'll rise up against us and usher in the apocalypse.
Here are our new robot overlords in action: