Technology

An Anarchist Constitution for Twitter

Of late we've come across a couple of guides for living our lives on Twitter, and, you know what, we're sick of rules.

By Rebecca Greenfield
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This article is from the archive of our partner .

Of late we've come across a couple of guides for living our lives on Twitter, and, you know what, we're sick of rules. Yesterday, for example, Daily Intel provided a mini Twitter rule book with this list of "Things Journalists Do on Twitter That We Despise," that included habits such as retweeting things and only adding "+1" or "THIS." A little while back Buzzfeed had its own set of guidelines, telling us "11 Ways You're Annoying on Twitter," banning certain irritating behaviors like tweeting about food. While some of these things can be annoying at times, the assertion of rules has become so much more annoying.

We say no more rules for using Twitter. The service has been around long enough that we don't really need someone telling us how to use it. We call for Twitter anarchy. No more rules! To establish this new paradigm, we offer the last and only Twitter laws the Internet will ever need in the form of this Anarchist Constitution for Twitter.

We the People of Twitter, in Order to form a more perfect Twittersphere, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Anarchist's Constitution for Twitter.

Article I

Section. 1. If one tweeter doesn't like something on Twitter, they can breathe for one moment and then either ignore said tweet or respond to that person with a gripe. The recipient of said nasty @ reply, however, has the right to respond and a spat may ensue, for which bloggers and the rest of the Internet can judge you.

Section. 2. If one tweeter does not like what another tweeter tweets on a regular basis, they can breathe for one moment and either ignore or unfollow that person. The unfollowed person has the right to unfollow back.

Section. 3. Feel however you would like about gaining and losing followers. Recognize certain behavior will either increase or decrease your following.

Article II

Section. 1. Twitter should be for humans in all their wondrous forms. Spam bots are considered renegade outlaws of the Twitter community.

Section. 2. Do not be a Spam bot.

Article III

Section. 1. If one tweeter tells another tweeter how to tweet, the recipient of said advice in no way has to listen.

Now let's ratify this thing. You in? 

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.