The Six Forces That Fuel Friendship

I’ve spent more than three years interviewing friends for “The Friendship Files.” Here’s what I’ve learned.

She Wouldn’t Exist if Not for Her Friend’s Family

“It’s shown me the extent to which human beings can be extraordinary to each other.”

A Second Chance at Friendship

“It happened because both parties were interested to make it happen.”

How Two Internet Nemeses Became Friends

“As you find more common ground with someone, they become more of a person.”

The Friendship Researchers Who Are Also Friends

“In our writing, it got to the point where we could no longer remember who wrote which sentences, or who came up with this or that idea.”

A Creative Solution to ‘the Friendship Desert of Modern Adulthood’

“I knew many old couples who had happy and loving arranged marriages. I thought, If it worked for them, why couldn’t it work for friendships?”

The Friend Who Taught Her She Could Make It as a Single Mom

“Sometimes we need a friend to tell us what our inner voice is saying.”

The Stay-at-Home Dads Who Don’t Stay Home

“There’s no rule that says that you have to do kid-centric things when you’re parenting your child. Your kids just want to be a part of your life.”

The Unexpected Joy of Finding Your Best Friends in Your 40s

“We can just let loose and be ourselves like we were when we were boys.”

The Tight Bonds Among Expats

“You need your friends abroad. You really need them; you don’t have family.”

One Friend Is Married to Him. The Other Used to Be.

“There’s a high level of emotional intelligence here, and love, that really makes it work.”

These Long-Distance Friends Reunite Every New Year’s Like No Time Has Passed

“It’s a perfect combination of all the things that friendship should be, put into a tiny piece of space-time every year.”

Superficial Interests Don’t Matter for Friends Who Agree on the Big Things

“Our friendship shows that if people have grace and compassion with one another, if that’s your priority in your relationships, then it doesn’t matter what you share. It doesn’t matter where you differ.”

Comics Made Them Friends. Their Friendship Made Great Comics.

“He writes things that I want to draw.” DC Comics’ Tom King, Mitch Gerads, Clay Mann, and Evan “Doc” Shaner on the friendship that helps them take artistic risks.

What It’s Like to Truly Be Friends With Your Ex

“We can’t always neatly break things into ‘friends’ or ‘more than friends.’ There’s different kinds of love.”

When You Find the Best Friend You’ve Been Longing For

“I’d look at people, when they’d use the term best friend. I was like, I want one of those.”

When Friendship Is a Family Matter

“The bond that we have and the experiences that we’ve shared, I don’t really think ‘friends’ captures that.”

How to Rekindle a Long-Distance Friendship

“I think about nonphysical connections as seeds for potential future physical connections—things that can blossom.”

The Value of Friendships That Don’t Come Easy

“I probably wouldn’t have naturally fallen into friendship with Heather. It took a little more effort; it took a desire to really pursue getting to know someone.”

A Friendship That Fuels a Bigger Notion of Family

“It’s comforting to have a village of companions in this adventure to raise these children.”

There’s No Time for Small Talk in Middle Age

“It really is the most unexpected thing that you can meet some of your best friends in your 30s. I thought that ship had sailed," Jessica St. Clair said of her friendship with fellow actor June Diane Raphael.

When the Dream of Growing Old With Your Friends Comes True

“We all dreamt, We’ll grow old together. We’ll be old ladies together. And we did.”

The Awful Coincidence of 2 Friends Who Got the Same Cancer

“I think we were meant to walk through this together.”

It’s Hard to Make Friends When You Move to a New Town

“I think we both experienced some culture shock coming here. It was lonely.”

How 1 Friend Can Change the Course of Your Life

“Judo found my house for me in Seattle. Judo gave me all my initial friends [there]. Judo introduced me to my girlfriend, who I live with currently. Judo introduced me to a guy who eventually helped me get my job.”

The Joy of a Younger Friend in Old Age

“You don’t have to stop learning; you don’t have to stop growing; you don’t have to stop adventuring.”

A Newspaper by Teens, for Teens

“The lessons I learned and the people I met have always influenced who I am as a person and as a parent. Those were formative years.”

The Real Win, Place, and Show Are the Friends We Made Along the Way

“We’re not the typical kind of horse owners.”

The First ‘Real Friend’ You Make After College Is Special

“I have a big-girl job and a big-girl friend, and we’re talking about big, important things like breakups. What a life I live.”

When Your Best Friend Becomes an ‘Aunt’ to Your Kids

“Kristi’s been a constant in my life. I couldn’t even imagine not having her involved in the girls’ lives.”

When Your Closest Friends Are From Elementary School

“When I see people from Peretz school, it’s as if nothing has changed. The comfort, the ease, the knowing of each other is the same.”

Overcoming American Masculinity to Build a Deep Male Friendship

“I was by myself in a country that felt huge and overwhelming. I felt tiny, and Abhi was my anchor.”

Work-Life Balance Has to Include Friendship

“We’re able to be our fully human, vulnerable, type-A selves with a group of people who get us in a way that your partner or your kids may not.”

Hiking Is an Ideal Structure for Friendship

“Without this hike … it would have been one of those college friendships where you get together and talk about the old days.”

Friendship and Stonework Grow More Beautiful With Time

“If the house was burning down, she would run in and carry me out. She shows up, boy does she show up.”

What It’s Like to Carry On a Tradition With a Friend Who Can’t Remember It

“He could tell if it rang true inside of him or not.”

I’ve Been Secret Friends With My Son’s Ex for 30 Years

“I’ve realized that you have to look for friendship in places you would never expect it.”

The Friend COVID-19 Took From Me

“Baby and I would talk about growing old together.”

A Fantasy-Football League Unafraid to Commit to the Bit

“We have a flag that we fly. We have a portable flagpole.”

What a Simple Haiku Can Do for a Friendship

“I get a glimmer as to what she’s feeling right then, and it also gives me a way to share how I’m feeling with her.”

When a White Republican Teen Invited a Black Pastor to Preach in His Hometown

“It is unlikely to think that someone who was trained by Strom Thurmond would end up being like brothers with me, my father being a civil-rights activist.”

What Teacher Friends Talk About When Students Aren’t Listening

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. I’m not in the place that I need to be, to be positive for the kids. Give me a boost; I need a laugh.”

What It’s Like to Meet a Friend You Know Only From Video Games

“When he walked in and sat next to me, it was really weird. Like, Can you talk in my ear very closely so I can make sure it’s you?”

When Your Job Turns You Into a Brand, You Need a Friend to Be Human With

“Something that totally changes your life like that, even if it’s overwhelmingly good, it still is overwhelming.”

As the Military Transformed, Their Friendship Grew

“As a queer woman in the military, seeing both Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the combat-exclusion policy repealed [during my career] was momentous.”

When Your Best Friend Gives Birth to Your Babies—All 4 of Them

“My kids know they’re a product of me and their dad, but that Debbie was our oven … They love her even more knowing the sacrifice she made.”

The Empty Nesters Who Run a Bookstore—And Live Together

“A lot of people told me, ‘Don’t do it.’ I said, ‘But I love books and reading.’”

20 Years of Friendship With the Woman Across the Hall

“I used to joke and say, ‘If I died in my apartment, I knew that Barbara was the person who would find me.’”

How the Hosts of ‘Call Your Girlfriend’ Saved Their Friendship

“With friendship, there is this expectation that it’s supposed to be easy, which … is not an honest assessment of what any long-term, intimate bond looks like.”

The Pandemic Forced These Teens to Sail Home Across the Atlantic

“If you cross an ocean, you’re constantly together, and you just become a family.”

These Two Generations of Best Friends Live Like Family

“When they were babies, we raised them together. We were always at each other’s houses, and the girls were always together.”

What a Liberal and a Conservative Learned From Their Friendship

“I think it’s important that you remember who your friend is, that they are not just a set of political policies.”

The High Drama of a Homemade Survivor Game

“It was an all-day game. I was thinking about it almost an obsessive amount.”

The Endangered Art of Letter-Writing

“There’s nothing nicer than opening the mailbox and seeing something friendly, something that’s not a bill.”

What It’s Like to Live Next Door to Your Best Friend Right Now

“We don’t have this superficial friendship where I’m only best friends with you when things are funny and happy … I’m also here for all the transitions and all the rough patches.”

If You and Your Friends Are Bored, PowerPoint Parties May Be the Answer

“It’s a distraction from all that’s going on … This is a way to come together, in a different way—teaching instead of just talking.”

An Anthem for Everyone Who’s Ever Googled Their Name

“At first, I was indiscriminately adding other Paul O’Sullivans on Facebook. It was like a joke. Then I realized, ‘Hey, wait a minute, we’re all musicians.’”

How Two Young Hippie Friends Grew Up to Live Very Different Lives

“I’ll complain to her about how I couldn’t find a parking spot at the Nordstrom sale, while she’s complaining to me about how her goats have hoof rot.”

What Are RAs’ Social Lives Like?

“I was always in a fishbowl. I felt like I was not just Alex, but Alex the RA.”

How Two Candidates Became Friends, and Ran a Joint Campaign

“Maybe there should’ve been some animosity, but we’re both naturally not drawn to unnecessary conflict.”