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A woman sits in a chair with a laptop on her knees. Behind her is a collage of colorful silhouettes of friends.
Wenjia Tang

The Six Forces That Fuel Friendship

I’ve spent more than three years interviewing friends for “The Friendship Files.” Here’s what I’ve learned.

  • Julie Beck
June 10, 2022
Split-screen illustration: On the left, the silhouettes of two men behind wreckage in the foreground; on the right, two women hold hands and walk through the forest
Wenjia Tang

She Wouldn’t Exist if Not for Her Friend’s Family

“It’s shown me the extent to which human beings can be extraordinary to each other.”

  • Julie Beck
June 10, 2022
illustration of two friends climbing a mountain
Wenjia Tang

A Second Chance at Friendship

“It happened because both parties were interested to make it happen.”

  • Julie Beck
May 20, 2022
Illustration of a man wearing a red shirt and a woman wearing a blue shirt holding hands. The man stands in front of a blue background, the woman in front of a red background, which look like web pages. They are both holding swords.
Wenjia Tang

How Two Internet Nemeses Became Friends

“As you find more common ground with someone, they become more of a person.”

  • Julie Beck
April 22, 2022
Illustration of two women shaking hands in front of an upright book. They are framed by a large magnifying glass.
Wenjia Tang

The Friendship Researchers Who Are Also Friends

“In our writing, it got to the point where we could no longer remember who wrote which sentences, or who came up with this or that idea.”

  • Julie Beck
April 8, 2022
illustration of a group of friends
Wenjia Tang

A Creative Solution to ‘the Friendship Desert of Modern Adulthood’

“I knew many old couples who had happy and loving arranged marriages. I thought, If it worked for them, why couldn’t it work for friendships?”

  • Julie Beck
March 25, 2022
An illustration of two women and four children walking toward the sun, surrounded by refracting light beams
Wenjia Tang

The Friend Who Taught Her She Could Make It as a Single Mom

“Sometimes we need a friend to tell us what our inner voice is saying.”

  • Julie Beck
March 11, 2022
A colorful illustration of a playground with five dads walking through pushing strollers, accompanied by three children
Wenjia Tang

The Stay-at-Home Dads Who Don’t Stay Home

“There’s no rule that says that you have to do kid-centric things when you’re parenting your child. Your kids just want to be a part of your life.”

  • Julie Beck
February 25, 2022
illustration of friends on a baseball field
Wenjia Tang

The Unexpected Joy of Finding Your Best Friends in Your 40s

“We can just let loose and be ourselves like we were when we were boys.”

  • Julie Beck
February 11, 2022
An illustration of three women standing on top of a globe, with the Forbidden City in the background
Wenjia Tang

The Tight Bonds Among Expats

“You need your friends abroad. You really need them; you don’t have family.”

  • Julie Beck
January 28, 2022
illustration of two women waving goodbye on the sidewalk. One walks away arm in arm with a man, the other is approaching a house where a different man awaits.
Wenjia Tang

One Friend Is Married to Him. The Other Used to Be.

“There’s a high level of emotional intelligence here, and love, that really makes it work.”

  • Julie Beck
January 14, 2022
An illustration of three friends raising glasses while standing on top of a giant clock set to midnight. Fireworks burst around them.
Wenjia Tang

These Long-Distance Friends Reunite Every New Year’s Like No Time Has Passed

“It’s a perfect combination of all the things that friendship should be, put into a tiny piece of space-time every year.”

  • Julie Beck
December 31, 2021
An illustration of two men and one woman standing in a light beam that streams in from a church window
Wenjia Tang

Superficial Interests Don’t Matter for Friends Who Agree on the Big Things

“Our friendship shows that if people have grace and compassion with one another, if that’s your priority in your relationships, then it doesn’t matter what you share. It doesn’t matter where you differ.”

  • Julie Beck
December 17, 2021
An illustration of comic-book panels depicting a cityscape. Four men climb between the panels to greet one another, with empty word bubbles floating above their heads.
Wenjia Tang

Comics Made Them Friends. Their Friendship Made Great Comics.

“He writes things that I want to draw.” DC Comics’ Tom King, Mitch Gerads, Clay Mann, and Evan “Doc” Shaner on the friendship that helps them take artistic risks.

  • Julie Beck
December 3, 2021
illustration in which two people stand inside crumbling bride and groom sculptures
Wenjia Tang

What It’s Like to Truly Be Friends With Your Ex

“We can’t always neatly break things into ‘friends’ or ‘more than friends.’ There’s different kinds of love.”

  • Julie Beck
November 12, 2021
Two friends reach for each other across clouds.
Wenjia Tang

When You Find the Best Friend You’ve Been Longing For

“I’d look at people, when they’d use the term best friend. I was like, I want one of those.”

  • Julie Beck
October 29, 2021
Illustration of two old men sitting on a couch, two women in saris talking, and two young girls wearing backpacks holding hands
Wenjia Tang

When Friendship Is a Family Matter

“The bond that we have and the experiences that we’ve shared, I don’t really think ‘friends’ captures that.”

  • Julie Beck
October 15, 2021
An illustration of five men spread out on a horizontal grid, among silhouettes of land masses. The sun sets in the background.
Wenjia Tang

How to Rekindle a Long-Distance Friendship

“I think about nonphysical connections as seeds for potential future physical connections—things that can blossom.”

  • Julie Beck
October 1, 2021
Illustration of two women, one white, one Black, standing under a tree with orange leaves. The background resembles an aged piece of paper and has transparent words on it.
Wenjia Tang

The Value of Friendships That Don’t Come Easy

“I probably wouldn’t have naturally fallen into friendship with Heather. It took a little more effort; it took a desire to really pursue getting to know someone.”

  • Julie Beck
September 17, 2021
illustration of a sperm donor network
Wenjia Tang

A Friendship That Fuels a Bigger Notion of Family

“It’s comforting to have a village of companions in this adventure to raise these children.”

  • Julie Beck
September 3, 2021
An illustration of two blonde women dressed in blue sitting on chairs with a microphone hanging between them. The background is black, and blue flowery shapes and squiggles that look like speech bubbles surround them
Wenjia Tang

There’s No Time for Small Talk in Middle Age

“It really is the most unexpected thing that you can meet some of your best friends in your 30s. I thought that ship had sailed," Jessica St. Clair said of her friendship with fellow actor June Diane Raphael.

  • Julie Beck
August 20, 2021
friends and their cookbook
Wenjia Tang

When the Dream of Growing Old With Your Friends Comes True

“We all dreamt, We’ll grow old together. We’ll be old ladies together. And we did.”

  • Julie Beck
August 6, 2021
An illustration of two men in hospital gowns, one with an IV in his arm. They are small and standing atop an enormous murky sea. Reflected beneath them are their silhouettes, cut out in white.
Wenjia Tang

The Awful Coincidence of 2 Friends Who Got the Same Cancer

“I think we were meant to walk through this together.”

  • Julie Beck
July 23, 2021
An illustration of two women walking in the woods. A ray of sunshine forms a spotlight; they're standing in it, talking to each other.
Wenjia Tang

It’s Hard to Make Friends When You Move to a New Town

“I think we both experienced some culture shock coming here. It was lonely.”

  • Julie Beck
July 9, 2021
Illustration of two men sitting on a yellow background, their shadows stretch out long behind them and the shadows are made of flowers
Wenjia Tang

How 1 Friend Can Change the Course of Your Life

“Judo found my house for me in Seattle. Judo gave me all my initial friends [there]. Judo introduced me to my girlfriend, who I live with currently. Judo introduced me to a guy who eventually helped me get my job.”

  • Julie Beck
June 25, 2021
Illustration of a man and an older woman in wet suits surfing on waves. The man is in the foreground and faces the woman, who is waving to him.
Wenjia Tang

The Joy of a Younger Friend in Old Age

“You don’t have to stop learning; you don’t have to stop growing; you don’t have to stop adventuring.”

  • Julie Beck
June 11, 2021
Figures converse, use the computer, and read newspapers while walking around a background of giant issues of L.A. Youth
Wenjia Tang

A Newspaper by Teens, for Teens

“The lessons I learned and the people I met have always influenced who I am as a person and as a parent. Those were formative years.”

  • Julie Beck
May 28, 2021
A racehorse in the foreground with friends gathered in the background
Wenjia Tang

The Real Win, Place, and Show Are the Friends We Made Along the Way

“We’re not the typical kind of horse owners.”

  • Julie Beck
May 14, 2021
Illustration of two women using laptops sitting back to back in front of a window with a city outside and two birds swooping by the window
Wenjia Tang

The First ‘Real Friend’ You Make After College Is Special

“I have a big-girl job and a big-girl friend, and we’re talking about big, important things like breakups. What a life I live.”

  • Julie Beck
April 30, 2021
Illustration of a woman holding a giant umbrella over another woman and her two kids. One of the kids is reaching out toward the woman holding the umbrella.
Wenjia Tang

When Your Best Friend Becomes an ‘Aunt’ to Your Kids

“Kristi’s been a constant in my life. I couldn’t even imagine not having her involved in the girls’ lives.”

  • Julie Beck
April 16, 2021
Five silhouettes facing backward look at the outlines of children in the distance, representing their younger selves
Wenjia Tang

When Your Closest Friends Are From Elementary School

“When I see people from Peretz school, it’s as if nothing has changed. The comfort, the ease, the knowing of each other is the same.”

  • Julie Beck
April 2, 2021
An illustration of a campfire, in the background, the silhouettes of two men sit in camping chairs looking at a sunset over a lake
Wenjia Tang

Overcoming American Masculinity to Build a Deep Male Friendship

“I was by myself in a country that felt huge and overwhelming. I felt tiny, and Abhi was my anchor.”

  • Julie Beck
March 19, 2021
group of women with a baby carriage and a stack of paper
WENJIA TANG

Work-Life Balance Has to Include Friendship

“We’re able to be our fully human, vulnerable, type-A selves with a group of people who get us in a way that your partner or your kids may not.”

  • Julie Beck
March 5, 2021
A group of four friends set on a cliff overlooking a lake in the woods
Wenjia Tang

Hiking Is an Ideal Structure for Friendship

“Without this hike … it would have been one of those college friendships where you get together and talk about the old days.”

  • Julie Beck
February 19, 2021
two women in a stone house
WENJIA TANG

Friendship and Stonework Grow More Beautiful With Time

“If the house was burning down, she would run in and carry me out. She shows up, boy does she show up.”

  • Julie Beck
February 5, 2021
A close up illustration of a high five
Wenjia Tang

What It’s Like to Carry On a Tradition With a Friend Who Can’t Remember It

“He could tell if it rang true inside of him or not.”

  • Julie Beck
January 22, 2021
A woman walks away from a silhouette of a man in the background toward an older woman in the foreground
Wenjia Tang

I’ve Been Secret Friends With My Son’s Ex for 30 Years

“I’ve realized that you have to look for friendship in places you would never expect it.”

  • Julie Beck
January 8, 2021
The silhouette of a woman stands small and alone among oversized lit candles
Wenjia Tang

The Friend COVID-19 Took From Me

“Baby and I would talk about growing old together.”

  • Julie Beck
December 11, 2020
WENJIA TANG

A Fantasy-Football League Unafraid to Commit to the Bit

“We have a flag that we fly. We have a portable flagpole.”

  • Julie Beck
November 27, 2020
illustration of two friends reading haikus to each other
Wenjia Tang

What a Simple Haiku Can Do for a Friendship

“I get a glimmer as to what she’s feeling right then, and it also gives me a way to share how I’m feeling with her.”

  • Julie Beck
November 13, 2020
Two men stand in front of a glowing church, with the silhouettes of protesters behind them
Wenjia Tang

When a White Republican Teen Invited a Black Pastor to Preach in His Hometown

“It is unlikely to think that someone who was trained by Strom Thurmond would end up being like brothers with me, my father being a civil-rights activist.”

  • Julie Beck
October 30, 2020
An illustration of two teachers greeting each other in front of a giant computer displaying a Zoom meeting; in the background students sit at desks
Wenjia Tang

What Teacher Friends Talk About When Students Aren’t Listening

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. I’m not in the place that I need to be, to be positive for the kids. Give me a boost; I need a laugh.”

  • Julie Beck
October 16, 2020
A man wearing a headset climbs out of a computer screen, to join a group of other men wearing headsets in the real world.
Wenjia Tang

What It’s Like to Meet a Friend You Know Only From Video Games

“When he walked in and sat next to me, it was really weird. Like, Can you talk in my ear very closely so I can make sure it’s you?”

  • Julie Beck
October 5, 2020
Two women sit in comfortable armchairs, in front of a wall of giant books
Wenjia Tang

When Your Job Turns You Into a Brand, You Need a Friend to Be Human With

“Something that totally changes your life like that, even if it’s overwhelmingly good, it still is overwhelming.”

  • Julie Beck
September 18, 2020
Two women in Army fatigues stand in a sea of silhouettes of male soldiers
Wenjia Tang

As the Military Transformed, Their Friendship Grew

“As a queer woman in the military, seeing both Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the combat-exclusion policy repealed [during my career] was momentous.”

  • Julie Beck
September 4, 2020
A pregnant woman lies in bed looking out the window as her friend sits nearby in a chair
Wenjia Tang

When Your Best Friend Gives Birth to Your Babies—All 4 of Them

“My kids know they’re a product of me and their dad, but that Debbie was our oven … They love her even more knowing the sacrifice she made.”

  • Julie Beck
August 21, 2020
Two women stand on top of a huge bookshelf, helping each other turn the page of a large book
Wenjia Tang

The Empty Nesters Who Run a Bookstore—And Live Together

“A lot of people told me, ‘Don’t do it.’ I said, ‘But I love books and reading.’”

  • Julie Beck
August 7, 2020
Two women stand in doorways across the hall from each other, waving. New York City can be seen out the window in the background.
Wenjia Tang

20 Years of Friendship With the Woman Across the Hall

“I used to joke and say, ‘If I died in my apartment, I knew that Barbara was the person who would find me.’”

  • Julie Beck
July 24, 2020
Two women sit atop a giant book, looking out at a sunset over a long road
Wenjia Tang

How the Hosts of ‘Call Your Girlfriend’ Saved Their Friendship

“With friendship, there is this expectation that it’s supposed to be easy, which … is not an honest assessment of what any long-term, intimate bond looks like.”

  • Julie Beck
July 10, 2020
Wenjia Tang

The Pandemic Forced These Teens to Sail Home Across the Atlantic

“If you cross an ocean, you’re constantly together, and you just become a family.”

  • Julie Beck
June 26, 2020
Wenjia Tang

These Two Generations of Best Friends Live Like Family

“When they were babies, we raised them together. We were always at each other’s houses, and the girls were always together.”

  • Julie Beck
June 12, 2020
An illustration of the two friends sitting on blue and red colored building blocks.
Wenjia Tang

What a Liberal and a Conservative Learned From Their Friendship

“I think it’s important that you remember who your friend is, that they are not just a set of political policies.”

  • Julie Beck
May 29, 2020
An illustration of an island popping out of a giant smart phone.
Wenjia Tang

The High Drama of a Homemade Survivor Game

“It was an all-day game. I was thinking about it almost an obsessive amount.”

  • Julie Beck
May 15, 2020
An illustration of the two friends. One is waving from inside a giant mailbox. The other is riding a giant letter into that mailbox.
Wenjia Tang

The Endangered Art of Letter-Writing

“There’s nothing nicer than opening the mailbox and seeing something friendly, something that’s not a bill.”

  • Julie Beck
May 1, 2020
An illustration of the two friends chatting on their balconies at night
Wenjia Tang

What It’s Like to Live Next Door to Your Best Friend Right Now

“We don’t have this superficial friendship where I’m only best friends with you when things are funny and happy … I’m also here for all the transitions and all the rough patches.”

  • Julie Beck
April 17, 2020
An illustration showing teens in cubes looking up at a giant screen. A cursor hovers over the screen.
Wenjia Tang

If You and Your Friends Are Bored, PowerPoint Parties May Be the Answer

“It’s a distraction from all that’s going on … This is a way to come together, in a different way—teaching instead of just talking.”

  • Julie Beck
March 27, 2020
A graphic showing the four Paul O'Sullivans sitting near a giant name tag. One of the Paul O'Sullivans is crossing off the word "my" and writing "our," so that the name tag now reads, "Hello, our name is Paul O'Sullivan."
WENJIA TANG

An Anthem for Everyone Who’s Ever Googled Their Name

“At first, I was indiscriminately adding other Paul O’Sullivans on Facebook. It was like a joke. Then I realized, ‘Hey, wait a minute, we’re all musicians.’”

  • Julie Beck
March 13, 2020
An illustration of two friends sitting on top of a school bus parked in the desert.
WENJIA TANG

How Two Young Hippie Friends Grew Up to Live Very Different Lives

“I’ll complain to her about how I couldn’t find a parking spot at the Nordstrom sale, while she’s complaining to me about how her goats have hoof rot.”

  • Julie Beck
February 14, 2020
An illustration of friends talking over the phone in their own dorm buildings at night.
WENJIA TANG

What Are RAs’ Social Lives Like?

“I was always in a fishbowl. I felt like I was not just Alex, but Alex the RA.”

  • Julie Beck
January 24, 2020
An illustration of two women pushing two halves of a podium together.
WENJIA TANG

How Two Candidates Became Friends, and Ran a Joint Campaign

“Maybe there should’ve been some animosity, but we’re both naturally not drawn to unnecessary conflict.”

  • Julie Beck
January 10, 2020
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