
The Six Forces That Fuel Friendship
I’ve spent more than three years interviewing friends for “The Friendship Files.” Here’s what I’ve learned.
I’ve spent more than three years interviewing friends for “The Friendship Files.” Here’s what I’ve learned.
“It’s shown me the extent to which human beings can be extraordinary to each other.”
“It happened because both parties were interested to make it happen.”
“As you find more common ground with someone, they become more of a person.”
“In our writing, it got to the point where we could no longer remember who wrote which sentences, or who came up with this or that idea.”
“I knew many old couples who had happy and loving arranged marriages. I thought, If it worked for them, why couldn’t it work for friendships?”
“Sometimes we need a friend to tell us what our inner voice is saying.”
“There’s no rule that says that you have to do kid-centric things when you’re parenting your child. Your kids just want to be a part of your life.”
“We can just let loose and be ourselves like we were when we were boys.”
“You need your friends abroad. You really need them; you don’t have family.”
“There’s a high level of emotional intelligence here, and love, that really makes it work.”
“It’s a perfect combination of all the things that friendship should be, put into a tiny piece of space-time every year.”
“Our friendship shows that if people have grace and compassion with one another, if that’s your priority in your relationships, then it doesn’t matter what you share. It doesn’t matter where you differ.”
“He writes things that I want to draw.” DC Comics’ Tom King, Mitch Gerads, Clay Mann, and Evan “Doc” Shaner on the friendship that helps them take artistic risks.
“We can’t always neatly break things into ‘friends’ or ‘more than friends.’ There’s different kinds of love.”
“I’d look at people, when they’d use the term best friend. I was like, I want one of those.”
“The bond that we have and the experiences that we’ve shared, I don’t really think ‘friends’ captures that.”
“I think about nonphysical connections as seeds for potential future physical connections—things that can blossom.”
“I probably wouldn’t have naturally fallen into friendship with Heather. It took a little more effort; it took a desire to really pursue getting to know someone.”
“It’s comforting to have a village of companions in this adventure to raise these children.”
“It really is the most unexpected thing that you can meet some of your best friends in your 30s. I thought that ship had sailed," Jessica St. Clair said of her friendship with fellow actor June Diane Raphael.
“We all dreamt, We’ll grow old together. We’ll be old ladies together. And we did.”
“I think we were meant to walk through this together.”
“I think we both experienced some culture shock coming here. It was lonely.”
“Judo found my house for me in Seattle. Judo gave me all my initial friends [there]. Judo introduced me to my girlfriend, who I live with currently. Judo introduced me to a guy who eventually helped me get my job.”
“You don’t have to stop learning; you don’t have to stop growing; you don’t have to stop adventuring.”
“The lessons I learned and the people I met have always influenced who I am as a person and as a parent. Those were formative years.”
“We’re not the typical kind of horse owners.”
“I have a big-girl job and a big-girl friend, and we’re talking about big, important things like breakups. What a life I live.”
“Kristi’s been a constant in my life. I couldn’t even imagine not having her involved in the girls’ lives.”
“When I see people from Peretz school, it’s as if nothing has changed. The comfort, the ease, the knowing of each other is the same.”
“I was by myself in a country that felt huge and overwhelming. I felt tiny, and Abhi was my anchor.”
“We’re able to be our fully human, vulnerable, type-A selves with a group of people who get us in a way that your partner or your kids may not.”
“Without this hike … it would have been one of those college friendships where you get together and talk about the old days.”
“If the house was burning down, she would run in and carry me out. She shows up, boy does she show up.”
“He could tell if it rang true inside of him or not.”
“I’ve realized that you have to look for friendship in places you would never expect it.”
“Baby and I would talk about growing old together.”
“We have a flag that we fly. We have a portable flagpole.”
“I get a glimmer as to what she’s feeling right then, and it also gives me a way to share how I’m feeling with her.”
“It is unlikely to think that someone who was trained by Strom Thurmond would end up being like brothers with me, my father being a civil-rights activist.”
“I don’t know how I’m going to get through the day. I’m not in the place that I need to be, to be positive for the kids. Give me a boost; I need a laugh.”
“When he walked in and sat next to me, it was really weird. Like, Can you talk in my ear very closely so I can make sure it’s you?”
“Something that totally changes your life like that, even if it’s overwhelmingly good, it still is overwhelming.”
“As a queer woman in the military, seeing both Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the combat-exclusion policy repealed [during my career] was momentous.”
“My kids know they’re a product of me and their dad, but that Debbie was our oven … They love her even more knowing the sacrifice she made.”
“A lot of people told me, ‘Don’t do it.’ I said, ‘But I love books and reading.’”
“I used to joke and say, ‘If I died in my apartment, I knew that Barbara was the person who would find me.’”
“With friendship, there is this expectation that it’s supposed to be easy, which … is not an honest assessment of what any long-term, intimate bond looks like.”
“If you cross an ocean, you’re constantly together, and you just become a family.”
“When they were babies, we raised them together. We were always at each other’s houses, and the girls were always together.”
“I think it’s important that you remember who your friend is, that they are not just a set of political policies.”
“It was an all-day game. I was thinking about it almost an obsessive amount.”
“There’s nothing nicer than opening the mailbox and seeing something friendly, something that’s not a bill.”
“We don’t have this superficial friendship where I’m only best friends with you when things are funny and happy … I’m also here for all the transitions and all the rough patches.”
“It’s a distraction from all that’s going on … This is a way to come together, in a different way—teaching instead of just talking.”
“At first, I was indiscriminately adding other Paul O’Sullivans on Facebook. It was like a joke. Then I realized, ‘Hey, wait a minute, we’re all musicians.’”
“I’ll complain to her about how I couldn’t find a parking spot at the Nordstrom sale, while she’s complaining to me about how her goats have hoof rot.”
“I was always in a fishbowl. I felt like I was not just Alex, but Alex the RA.”
“Maybe there should’ve been some animosity, but we’re both naturally not drawn to unnecessary conflict.”