Melania Trump may have borrowed some of the words she delivered to the Republican National Convention on Monday. Whether it was plagiarism or simply evidence of speechwriting’s reliance on empty platitudes, we wondered what it would sound like if her husband took the same approach in his acceptance speech on Thursday night.
Hello, Cleveland! Thank you. Thank you. This land is your land; this land is my land. But mostly it is my land. I’m king of the world! Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!
As I was telling my beautiful daughter, Ivanka—look at her, folks: just look at her—the other day: It is the best of times! It is the worst of times! It is the age of wisdom! It is the age of foolishness! It is the epoch of belief! It is the epoch of incredulity! It is the season of Light! It is the season of Darkness! It is the spring of hope! It is the winter of despair! Come with me if you want to live! You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one! Anything less than the best is a felony!
And so, tonight, here in the Quicken Loans Arena, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth. I have always depended on the kindness of strangers, and tonight, those strangers are all of you. You had me at “hello,” and now we are the champions, my friends! The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams! Be the change you wish to see in the world! That change is me. Fasten your seatbelts—it’s going to be a bumpy night. Crooked Hillary—lock her up! Go ahead, make my day! She can’t handle the truth! She’s all lies and jest. (Still, a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.)