The State of the Union, Shorter

The 44th president's address, edited down to 335 words.

Obama arrives for the State of the Union address on January 20, 2015 in the House Chamber of the U.S. Capitol in Washington, DC. (National Journal)

Our economy is growing. The Afghanistan war is over. The State of our union is strong. Congress, here's what you can't do: shut down the government, repeal health insurance, or unravel new Wall Street rules. Or you'll hear from my veto. Now, on to the middle class. We're going to help them afford child care, college, health care, homes, retirement. Affordable child care is must-have. Paid leave laws, too: Send me a bill that gives every worker seven days of paid sick leave. And one for equal pay for women while we're at it. Really. It's 2015. Community college should be free. As for energy, let's move past the pipeline and talk about other infrastructure projects. Here are some gee-whiz ideas I'm going to throw out there: a new medical initiative to cure diseases like cancer, a plan to keep the Internet free and open, and a re-energized space program that will send Americans to Mars. We need Scott Kelly to take more Instagrams in space, too. We need to reform the tax code and close loopholes for the very wealthy. As for the military, we reserve the right to act unilaterally, but I like diplomacy better. We'll still hunt down terrorists, like the Islamic State, who we're going to destroy with an international coalition. Congress, you should pass a resolution to authorize the use of force against them. We're also supporting a moderate opposition in Syria. And you might have heard that we're changing our stance on Cuba. Iran still can't have nuclear weapons. But I will veto any new sanctions against the country. Congress, let's pass legislation to meet the evolving threat of cyber-attacks. By the way, our job isn't done with Ebola. Same with climate change."Š We're going to double the pace at which we cut carbon emissions. I've banned torture, and I'm determined to shut down Gitmo. Democrats and Republicans, let's get along. I have no more campaigns to run. I know because I won both of them. Thanks, guys.