America, we are here with the answer to the question which you wanted to have answered: The first day Chelsea Clinton's just-announced baby will be eligible to be president is January 20, 2053.
Yes, Chelsea is pregnant, according to an announcement she made on Thursday and reported by The Washington Post. "I just hope that I will be as good a mom to my child and hopefully children as my mom was to me," Chelsea said, wasting no time in making Baby Noname a component of the 2016 election.
So here's how we figured out when we might expect President Noname to take the oath. We figured that Chelsea is three months along or so, the standard point at which people make such announcements. This is, of course, an estimate; we are not privy to the specific details, nor, frankly, do we seek them. That would mean the kid will be born on October 17 of this year.
OK. Assuming that the Constitution has not been amended by some #millennial somewhere to allow #teens to run for president, the stipulation is that the person must be 35 years old by the time of inauguration. Noname turns 35 in the year 2049 — specifically, on Sunday, October 17. (Libra!)
That means, though, that Noname will have missed the 2048 election by a hair. But, since presidential campaigns now last three years and nine months (from the day after inauguration to Election Day), that means that Adult Noname can start running on January 21, 2049, at the ripe old age of 34.
Will former president / grandfather Bill Clinton be there to campaign for her? We'd be inclined to say no; Bill will be 103 at that point. But this is Bill Clinton, and he very much enjoys campaigning. So who knows. Will former president / grandmother Hillary Clinton be there? It depends on how cute Baby Noname turns out to be. That adorable mug might just be the key to some of those otherwise tricky 2016 swing states.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.