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On January 18, 2007, Stephen Colbert appeared as a guest on Bill O'Reilly's show and stole O'Reilly's metallic microwave from his show's green room to keep as a souvenir. Colbert has since put the microwave up on eBay where it's currently fetching $85,100 with nine days to go. So far 291 bids have been placed on the thieved microwave, which has features like a steam cooking function, a child safety lock, and a signature from Colbert himself. The ad on the microwave reads:

Nation, don’t miss your chance to bid on what one day historians will say I said was history; the microwave I stole from Bill O’Reilly when I appeared on his show in 2007.   Not only has it been an iconic piece of my set for seven years, but it is the last known remaining spin zone from the O’Reilly Factor, and it can microwave the heck out of a frozen burrito.  It is also signed by yours truly, and one hopes by Papa Bear himself.   Bid now, bid often, and bid big, because who knows what other celebrities will sign it, or not.  One of a kind.

he $85,000 bid on what's probably (at best) a $150 microwave (much cheaper since it is from 2007) is just another sign that Colbert is inching his way toward becoming a deity. This man has had more money thrown at him than all of the exotic dancers in Reno, combined. Remember that in 2012, his super PAC roped in over $1.2 million according to filings with the FEC. 

Clearly, the strategy here is to have Colbert start signing things so that they appreciate in value. Like dollars — have Colbert sign all our American money. No offense, Jack Lew. Or perhaps liberal arts degrees? How about Detroit? 

The good news is that Colbert is using his midas touch for good, not evil. All of that $85,000 (and rising) will go toward the The Yellow Ribbon Fund. The Yellow Ribbon Fund helps injured service members and provides services like caregivers and pro bono legal services for injured vets. 

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.

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