National Journal

Reports of reports of a rumored forthcoming Washington Post article say that President Obama has been having an affair with Beyoncé.

Curious that the two, who are some of the most followed and cloistered individuals in the world, could keep the relationship quiet until now. (Though in a strange PR move, the Washington Post has denied the existence of its own scoop.) Curiouser still that this is coming from Obama, who has long been reported to be gay. But this president has managed to keep a lot of his nefarious past and present quiet. 

Here are some examples.

President Obama frequented gay bathouses in Chicago.

Because Obama was a "gay, cocaine-using hustler."

And he's not even American. He's Kenyan.

And he'll do whatever it takes to cover that information up. A Hawaiian official who released Obama's birth certificate was murdered. "Now investigators, who believe Obama's certificate was faked, wonder whether the woman was murdered to stop her from telling what she knew."

His personal life is in shambles.

For one, Obama had a "secret meltdown" in December.

Which was just the last straw for Michelle Obama, who has had "enough." After all, her 50th birthday was a "disaster."

Which is why Michelle Obama will divorce Barack after his presidency is over.

But why does he lie so much?

Maybe it's because he's really a reptilian shape shifter from another dimension

Or maybe it's because the U.S. government has been run by space aliens since the 1940s. 

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Decide for yourselves, people.

Here are some examples.

President Obama frequented gay bathouses in Chicago.

Because Obama was a "gay, cocaine-using hustler."

And he's not even American. He's Kenyan.

And he'll do whatever it takes to cover that information up. A Hawaiian official who released Obama's birth certificate was murdered. "Now investigators, who believe Obama's certificate was faked, wonder whether the woman was murdered to stop her from telling what she knew."

His personal life is in shambles.

For one, Obama had a "secret meltdown" in December.

Which was just the last straw for Michelle Obama, who has had "enough." After all, her 50th birthday was a "disaster."

Which is why Michelle Obama will divorce Barack after his presidency is over.

But why does he lie so much?

Maybe it's because he's really a reptilian shape shifter from another dimension

Or maybe it's because the U.S. government has been run by space aliens since the 1940s. 

--

Decide for yourselves, people.

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