Now You Can Live in a House Made of Drugs, Some Assembly Required

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DEA agents in Charleston County, Texas, seized 3,734 pounds of marijuana from smugglers Tuesday morning — in the form of floor tiles. Which means that, at long last, our all-drug house can be complete.

According to the Post and Courier, the feds were tipped off "after customs agents found marijuana that had been pressed into furniture to escape detection." Like the form you see above.

Still from news report on YouTube

The flooring panels were the last thing we needed for our (theoretical) house made of drugs. We already have a wall made from marijuana (Cincinatti, 2011) and our sofa stuffed with pot and hash (the U.K., in September).

On top of that, two marijuana pillows (Indiana, 2010) for comfort while you watch your meth-filled TV (Australia, last week) or listen to music from your stereo speaker that's filled with crack (Louisiana) or play your coked-up Wii (U.S.).

If you're hungry, no worries. Have some fake coke-filled limes (Colombia, August) or pumpkins (Montreal, a few weeks ago). Or candy, canned goods, coconuts, or any of the other treats you see below. You can eat these delicacies off of your 42-piece dinner set, all made of pressed coke (above, Spain, 2009), or these elegant cocaine plates shaped like fish (New York, 2012).

From New York City, Venezuela, and Texas, respectively.

Tired? Head to your well-appointed bedroom, with a mattress stuffed with heroin and hash oil (Maldives, June) or just kick back in your easy chair filled with 50 grand in coke (North Carolina, 2004). Enjoy your collection of statues: the wood/heroin one (Calgary, 2013) or the one of Jesus made from pure coke plaster (Mexico, 2008).

If you have kids, they can enjoy your drug-heavy lifestyle as well. If you can think of a kind of toy, it's probably been used to carry drugs at some point. (For example: Mr. Potato Head or the bear at right.) And even when it's time for toilet training, you can just use this potty seat filled with 9 ounces of coke (Tennessee, 2006).

If none of this meets your needs, be creative. You'll need to find your own drugs for your crafts, of course, but the odds are increasingly good that there are some around you right now. Check the floor.

All images via AP, except floor tile image, via Andrew Knapp of the Post and Courier.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.