All the Silly Legislative Acronyms Congress Came Up with This Year

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With the passage of the REINS Act earlier today, the House of Representatives got to do two of its favorite things. First, it got to cast a party-line vote on a measure that would curtail the administration's ability to make new rules. Second, it got to talk about a piece of legislation — the Regulations from the Executive In Need of Scrutiny Act — that is referred to by a dumb acronym.

Pointing out that second tendency is not new. The Economist looked at the issue back in 2011, but the high-water mark certainly came with the high-profile, brilliantly wrought USA PATRIOT Act in 2001. That's the "Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act" — a masterpiece of form. But even in this least popular, highly unproductive 113th Congress that kicked off in January, we've got over 240 examples of similarly clever titling to review.

We've categorized them, below. Please enjoy.

The "We Get It Already" Ones

Some titles can't resist kicking you in the teeth with their obviousness, even if they aren't acronyms. There's the "America is for Americans Act" (guess what that does). The "Chris Stevens, Sean Smith, Tyrone Woods, and Glen Doherty Embassy Security and Personnel Protection Act of 2013." The "Flat Tax Act." What these ones lack in subtlety, they also lack in creativity.

The acronym ones are worse.

• ACCOUNT (Agency Conferences and Conventions Operating Under Necessary Transparency Act of 2013)
• AMMO (Ammunition Management for More Obtainability Act of 2013)
• BREATHE (Bringing Reductions to Energy's Airborne Toxic Health Effects Act)
• CHARGE (Changing How America Reduces Greenhouse Emissions (CHARGE) Act)
• CHURCH (Congressional Hope for Uniform Recognition of Christian Heritage (CHURCH) Act of 2013)
• FAIRCREDIT (Fair Allocation of Internal Revenue Credit for Renewable Electricity Distribution by Indian Tribes Act of 2013)
• FORVETS (Formerly Owned Resources for Veterans to Express Thanks for Service Act of 2013FORVETSA)
• FRESHER (Focused Reduction of Effluence and Stormwater runoff through Hydrofracking Environmental Regulation Act of 2013)
• INVEST (Immigration and Naturalization Investment Ventures for Engineering, Science, and Technology in America Act of 2013)
• NATGAS (New Alternative Transportation to Give Americans Solutions Act of 2013)
• Opportunity KNOCKS (Opportunity Kindling New Options for Career and Knowledge Seekers Act)
• PATIENTS (Preserving Access to Targeted, Individualized, and Effective New Treatments and Services (PATIENTS) Act of 2013)
• PHEASANT (Protecting Honest, Everyday Americans from Senseless And Needless Taxes (PHEASANT) Act of 2013)
• STOMP (Sequestration Tied to Member Pay (STOMP) Act of 2013)
• SUCCEED (Strengthen and Unite Communities with Civics Education and English Development Act of 2013)
• SMART Border Act (Support More Assets, Resources, and Technology on the Border Act of 2013)

The Groaners

When you get to the acronyms, Congressmembers really get a chance to shine. Most of these titles are the joke equivalent of handing someone a doctoral thesis on the complexity of "Why'd the chicken cross the road" and then standing there beating them on the head with an inflatable bat yelling "DO YOU GET IT" in their ear while they read.

For example:

• GREAT Teachers and Principals (GREAT Teachers and Principals Act)
• LINE (Lines Interfere with National Elections Act of 2013)
• METRICS (Measuring and Evaluating Trends for Reliability, Integrity, and Continued Success Act of 2013)
• MOVE Freight (Multimodal Opportunities Via Enhanced Freight Act of 2013)
• SWEEP (Sunset Wasteful Executive Expenditures and Programs Act of 2013)
• WAVE4 (Waterways Are Vital for the Economy, Energy, Efficiency, and Environment Act of 2013)
• SALUTE (Servicemember Assistance for Lawful Understanding, Treatment, and Education Act)
• VACANT (Verifying Agency Conduct and Needs Through (VACANT) Inspectors General Act)
• WE CARE (Working to Encourage Community Action and Responsibility in Education Act)

The "That's Cheating" Ones

One of the first rules of creating an acronym is that you cannot start the acronym with the word that the acronym spells. That is cheating. If you're going to spend tax dollars coming up with an acronym, you should not be allowed to cheat when you create it.

• BUILD (Building upon Unique Indian Learning and Development Act)
• CROP (Crop Risk Options Plan Act of 2013)
• DAIRY (Dairy Augmentation for Increased Retail in Yogurt products (DAIRY) Act)
• DREDGE (Dredging for Restoration and Economic Development for Global Exports Act of 201DREDGEA)
• FAIR Generic Drugs (Fair And Immediate Release of Generic Drugs Act)
• FARMER (Farmers and Ranchers Minimizing Estate Regulations Act of 2013)
• SAFEHAUL (Safe And Fair Environment on Highways Achieved through Underwriting Levels Act of 2013)
• TRAUMA (Trauma Relief Access for Universal Medical Assistance Act)

The Repeats

Certain expressions, because they are So Patriotic™, are irresistible to elected officials. Since January, all of the following bills have been introduced, focused on vets and skills and homes and so on.

• HOME (Housing Opportunities Made Equal Act of 2013)
• HOME (Housing Opportunity and Mortgage Equity Act of 2013)
• PACT (Preventing Abuse of Cough Treatments Act of 2013)
• PACT (Planning Actively for Cancer Treatment (PACT) Act of 2013)
• PARTS (Promoting Automotive Repair, Trade, and Sales Act of 2013)
• PARTS (Protecting Access to Rural Therapy Services (PARTS) Act)
• SHIELD (Strengthening Homeland Security, Intelligence, and Essential Law Enforcement Departments Act of 2013)
• SHIELD (Saving High-Tech Innovators from Egregious Legal Disputes Act of 2013)
• SKILLS Visa Act (SKILLS Visa Act)
• SKILS (Supporting Knowledge and Investing in Lifelong Skills Act)
• SOS (Save Our Seasons Act of 2013)
• SOS (Save Our Students Act)
• SOS (Save Our Soldiers' Lungs Act)
• VOTE (Students Voicing Opinions in Today's Elections (VOTE) Act)
• VETS (Veterans E-Health & Telemedicine Support Act of 2013)
• VET (Veteran Employment Transition Act of 2013)
• VET (Veteran Employment Transition Act)
• VET (Veterans Education Transparency Act)
• VET (Veterans' Educational Transition Act of 2013)
• VET-E (Veteran Excellence Through Education Act of 2013)
• VOTE (Value Our Time Elections Act)

The Ones That are Clever

There are some to which we must tip our hats.

• ATTIRE (American Textile Technology Innovation and Research for Exportation)
• BEER (Brewers Excise and Economic Relief Act of 2013)
• CINEMA (Captioning and Image Narration to Enhance Movie Accessibility Act)
• DATA (Digital Accountability and Transparency Act of 2013)
• DIPLOMA (Developing Innovative Partnerships and Learning Opportunities that Motivate Achievement Act)
• FRESH (Fracturing Regulations are Effective in State Hands Act)
• FUELS (Farmers Undertake Environmental Land Stewardship Act)
• HIRE (Helping Individuals Return to Employment Act)
• IFSEA (International Fisheries Stewardship and Enforcement Act)
• JOBS (Jumpstarting Our Business Sector Act of 2013)
• PIONEERS (Protecting Investment in Oil Shale the Next Generation of Environmental, Energy, and Resource Security Act)
• PORTS (Putting Our Resources Toward Security Act)
• PROSTATE (Prostate Research, Outreach, Screening, Testing, Access, and Treatment Effectiveness Act of 2013)
• RESPECT (Requirements, Expectations, and Standard Procedures for Executive Consultation with Tribes Act)
• PEGASUS (Prevention of Escapement of Genetically Altered Salmon in the United States Act)
• Jury ACCESS (Jury Access for Capable Citizens and Equality in Service Selection Act of 2013)
• SKILLS (Supplying Knowledge-based Immigrants and Lifting Levels of STEM Visas Act)
• STELLAR (Securing Teacher Effectiveness, Leadership, Learning, And Results Act of 2013)

By far the best, though, is this one.

• Robo COP (Robo Calls Off Phones Act)

Congratulations, Rep. Foxx of North Carolina. The ROBO COP Act is genius.

(Everything else)

Just to show our work. Feel free to let us know if you think these fall into any of the categories above.

• AA (America is for Americans Act)
• ABLE (Achieving a Better Life Experience Act of 2013)
• ACCESS (ACCESS (ADA Compliance for Customer Entry to Stores and Services) Act of 2013)
• ACE (Agricultural Credit Expansion Act)
• ACE (All Children are Equal Act)
• AFFIRM (Assisting Family Farmers through Insurance Reform Measures Act)
• AGEIN (Assistance in Gaining Experience, Independence, and Navigation Act of 2013)
• ALERT (ALERT Act of 2013)
• APLUS (Academic Partnerships Lead Us to Success Act)
• ATHOME (Aviation Teams Helping Our Municipalities' Economies Act of 2013)
• BAA (Buy America Accountability Act of 2013)
• BUILDCTE (Building Understanding, Investment, Learning, and Direction Career and Technical Education Act of 2013)
• CAMPUS Safety (Center to Advance, Monitor, and Preserve University Security Safety Act of 2013)
• CAPP (Creating American Prosperity through Preservation Act of 2013)
• CARE (Children's Act for Responsible Employment of 2013)
• CARE (Coal Accountability and Retired Employee Act of 2013)
• CARE (Creating Access to Residency Education Act of 2013)
• CAREMIRT (Consistency, Accuracy, Responsibility, and Excellence in Medical Imaging and Radiation Therapy Act of 2013)
• CEASE (Conditioning Economic Assistance and Support to Egypt Act)
• CHAMP VA (CHAMPVA Children's Protection Act of 2013)
• C-HEARTS (Cardiomyopathy Health Education, Awareness, Risk Assessment, and Training in the Schools (HEARTS) Act of 2013)
• CHEW (CHEW Act)
• CHI (Competitive Health Insurance Act)
• CLAIM (Claims Licensing Advancement for Interstate Matters Act)
• CLEAR SBA (CLEAR SBA Act)
• COPSIR (COPS Improvement and Reauthorization Act of 2013)
• COSTS (Congressional Oversight to Start Taxpayer Savings Resolution)
• CREED (Commercial Real Estate and Economic Development Act of 2013)
• CROP (Containing Risk, Offering Protection Act)
• CROP (Creating Reliability for Our Producers Act)
• CUSEME (Conditioning United States-Egypt Military Exercises Act of 2013)
• DISCLOSE (Disclosure of Information on Spending on Campaigns Leads to Open and Secure Elections Act of 2013)
• DREAM (Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors Act of 2013)
• DRONES (DRONES Act)
• EARNED (Education Assistance to Realign New Eligibilities for Dependents (EARNED) Act of 2013)
• EASYS (Employees of America Streamlining for Your Savings Act of 2013)
• ExCEL (ExCEL Act of 2013)
• ExSCALE (Exascale Computing for Science, Competitiveness, Advanced Manufacturing, Leadership, and the Economy Act of 2013)
• ENLIST (ENLIST Act)
• ESHOP (Ensuring Shoppers Honest Online Pricing Act of 2013)
• EXPENSE (EXPENSE Act of 2013)
• FACT (Furthering Asbestos Claim Transparency (FACT) Act of 2013)
• FAIR (Food Assistance to Improve Reintegration Act of 2013)
• FAR (Food Aid Reform Act)
• FARMER (FARMER Act of 2013)
• FAST Voting (FAST Voting Act of 2013)
• FAULT (FAULT Act)
• FFOCUS (FFOCUS Act of 2013)
• FARM (FHA Reform and Modernization Act of 2013)
• FIVE (FIVE Act)
• FLUENT (Families Learning and Understanding English Together Act of 2013)
• FMFMIC (Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac Investigative Commission Act)
• FORESTS (Fulfilling Our Responsibility for Efficient and Sustainable Timber Supply Act of 2013)
• FRAME (Farm Risk Abatement and Mitigation Election Act of 2013)
• FREED (Federal Response to Eliminate Eating Disorders Act of 2013)
• FT (Flat Tax Act)
• GAPS (Gauging American Port Security Act)
• GET (Geothermal Exploration and Technology Act of 2013)
• GOARM (Growing Opportunities for Agriculture and Responding to Markets Act of 2013)
• GREEN (GREEN Act)
• GUARD Remembrance (Guard Units And Reservists Deserve Remembrance Act)
• HAVEN (HAVEN Act)
• HEALTHYV (Help Establish Access to Local Timely Healthcare for Your Vets Act of 2013)
• HELLPP (HELLPP Act)
• HELP (Hospice Evaluation and Legitimate Payment Act of 2013)
• HIRE (HIRE Act)
• HOMES (HOMES Act)
• INFORM (INFORM Act)
• JOLT (Jobs Originated through Launching Travel Act of 2013)
• JUSTICE (Justice for the Unprotected against Sexually Transmitted Infections among the Confined and Exposed Act)
• LEARN (Literacy Education for All, Results for the Nation Act)
• LEARN (Local Education Authority Returns Now Act)
• MARCH (Military Access to Reproductive Care and Health for Military Women Act)
• MOTOR (Marina Operator Tax Obligation Relief Act of 2013)
• MOVE Freight (MOVE Freight Act of 2013)
• OPEN (Openness in Political Expenditures Now Act)
• PACE (PACE Act)
• PAST (Prevent All Soring Tactics Act of 2013)
• PATIENT (Providing Accountability and Transparency to Incentivize Economically Necessary Transitions in Health Care Act of 2013)
• MD CARE (Paul D. Wellstone Muscular Dystrophy Community Assistance, Research and Education Amendments of 2013)
• PEER (Prioritizing Energy Efficient Renewables Act of 2013)
• PESTT (Pest Elimination Services Transparency and Terminology Act)
• PHYSICAL (Promoting Health as Youth Skills In Classrooms And Life Act)
• PLANT (Protecting Lands Against Narcotics Trafficking Act of 2013)
• PRIDE (PRIDE Act)
• PRIME (PRIME Act of 2013)
• PROLIFE (PRO-LIFE Act)
• PROMPT (Proper Replacement Of Medals and Performance Tracking Act)
• PROTECT (Protection from Rogue Oil Traders Engaging in Computerized Trading Act)
• PURSE (Preventing Unionization of Revenue Service Employees Act)
• RACE (Restoring America's Competitiveness in Enterprise (RACE) Act of 2013)
• RAMP (Realize America's Maritime Promise Act)
• RAPID (Responsibly And Professionally Invigorating Development Act of 2013)
• RARE (Resource Assessment of Rare Earths Act of 2013)
• RASEUP (Reengaging Americans in Serious Education by Uniting Programs Act)
• RATE (Rate of Average Time Execution Act of 2013)
• REACH (Raising Employment in Affordable Communities and Homes Act of 2013)
• REACH (Rural Educator and American Community Housing Act of 2013)
• REBUILD (Reducing Environmental Barriers to Unified Infrastructure and Land Development Act of 2013 Act)
• REFUND (Returned Exclusively For Unpaid National Debt Act)
• REINS (REINS Act)
• REPALATE (Review EPA's Language on Agriculture and Thoroughly Engage with the Farm Act of 2013)
• REPEALHIV Discrimination (REPEAL HIV Discrimination Act of 2013)
• REVAMP (REVAMP Act of 2013)
• RIVER (RIVER Act)
• RUSH (Responding to Urgent needs of Survivors of the Holocaust Act)
• SAFEGUARDS (Secure All Facilities to Effectively Guard the United States Against and Respond to Dangerous Spills Act of 2013)
• SAFE ID (SAFE ID Act of 2013)
• SAFE Lending (Stopping Abuse and Fraud in Electronic Lending Act of 2013)
• SAFERS (Support Assault Firearms Elimination and Reduction for our Streets Act)
• SAFETY (Securing American Families by Educating and Training Youth (SAFETY) Through Nonviolence Act of 2013)
• SALTS (SALTS Act)
• SALUTE (SALUTE Act)
• SAVE (Savings, Accountability, Value, and Efficiency Act)
• SAVE (Sensible Accounting to Value Energy Act of 2013)
• SAVED (Screening Amputees and Veterans with Efficiency and Dignity Act)
• SAVE Native Women (Stand Against Violence and Empower Native Women Act)
• SBREW (Small Brewer Reinvestment and Expanding Workforce Act of 2013)
• SCHOOL (Safeguarding Children Harmed by Obamacare's Onerous Levies Act)
• SCOPE (Safeguarding Care Of Patients Everywhere Act)
• SCORE (Security Clearance Oversight and Reform Enhancement Act)
• SCREEN (SCREEN Act of 2013)
• SEAL (Shrinking Emergency Account Losses Act of 2013)
• SECTORS (SECTORS Act of 2013)
• SECUREIT (Strengthening and Enhancing Cybersecurity by Using Research, Education, Information, and Technology Act of 2013)
• SERVE (Supporting Emergency Responders Volunteer Efforts Act of 2013)
• SHORE (SHORE Act of 2013)
• SHUT (Stop Handouts to Unauthorized Taxpayers Act of 2013)
• SIMPLE (Streamlined and Improved Methods at Polling Locations and Early (SIMPLE) Voting Act of 2013)
• SLICE (School Lunch Improvements for Children's Education Act)
• SMART (Simplified, Manageable, And Responsible Tax Act)
• SMARTSALE (Stop Mergers, Acquisitions, and Risky Takeovers Supplied by American Labor and Entrepreneurship Act of 2013)
• SNAP (Safety Net Abuse Prevention (SNAP) Act of 2013)
• SOUP (Stopping the Offensive Use of Patents Act)
• STAND (STAND for Tourism Act)
• STAPLE (STAPLE Act)
• STATE (STATE Act)
• STEM (STEM Support for Teachers in Education and Mentoring (STEM) Act)
• STOP (Stop Tenant Organizing Promotion Act)
• STOP (Stopping Taxpayer Outlays for Propaganda Act)
• STOPIRS (Stop Targeting Our Politics IRS Act)
• STOPIT (Stopping Tax Offenders and Prosecuting Identity Theft Act of 2013)
• STORAGE (STORAGE 2013 Act)
• STRAW (Short Term Retention for Agricultural Workers Act of 2013)
• STRONG (Strengthening The Resiliency of Our Nation on the Ground Act)
• SUN (Solar Uniting Neighborhoods (SUN) Act of 2013)
• SUPER (SUPER Act of 2013)
• TALENT (TALENT Act)
• TRACE (Trafficking Reduction And Criminal Enforcement (TRACE) Act)
• TREES (TREES Act)
• TRIP-B (TRIP Bonds Act)
• TRUST (Trust Returned to the United States Taxpayer Act)
• USEIT (United States Exploration on Idle Tracts Act)
• VETS (Veteran Employment and Training Services Act of 2013)
• VETS (Veterans' Efficiencies Through Savings Act of 2013)
• VITA (Volunteer Income Tax Assistance (VITA) Act)
• WAGES (Working for Adequate Gains for Employment in Services Act)
• WATERT (Working to Address Treaty Enforcement Rapidly for Texas Act)
• WATERU (Water Advanced Technologies for Efficient Resource Use Act of 2013)
• WISE (Workforce Infrastructure for Skilled Employees Investment Act)
• Y-PROMISE (Youth Prison Reduction through Opportunities, Mentoring, Intervention, Support, and Education Act)
• ZERO (Zero-based Budgeting Ensures Responsible Oversight (ZERO) Act of 2013)
• BARONS (New Fair Deal Busting America's Rigid Outdated & Needless Subsidies Act of 2013)
• TALENT (To Aid Gifted and High-Ability Learners by Empowering the Nation's Teachers Act)
• LIBERTY (Letting Insurance Benefit Everyone Regardless of Their Youth (LIBERTY) Act)
• CEOS (New Fair Deal Consolidating and Eliminating Outdated Subsidies Act of 2013)
• REFI (Refinancing Education Funding to Invest (REFI) for the Future Act of 2013)
• SEEEDCA (Social Enterprise Ecosystem and Economic Development Commission Act of 2013)
• SHIELDA (Secure High-voltage Infrastructure for Electricity from Lethal Damage Act)
• TRIP (Travel Reimbursement for Inactive Duty Training Personnel (TRIP) Act of 2013)

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.