Olympic champion Gabby Douglas will lead the Democratic National Convention in the pledge of allegiance on Wednesday night, meaning, in our subjective judgment, all journalistic resources poured into the political infomercial will be completely and totally worth it. Douglas confirmed her appearance at the DNC to Politico. Douglas, who says she backs President Obama, did not give further details on what she'll do Wednesday night. But combining The Atlantic Wire's political and gymnastic expertise, we feel at liberty to engage in some responsible speculation:
Douglas will (presumably) do a switch ring leap and catch some kind of flag-hoisting mechanism with her toe, pulling the stars and stripes high above the audience. She will recite the pledge with the wholesome earnestness of a sports hero, allowing a tasteful number of tears to trickle down her cheek. After the pledge, Douglas will (presumably) do a roundoff, one-and-a-half twisting flip into a roundoff, back handspring, triple full into the crowd, which she will proceed to surf all the way up to where Michelle Obama's sitting. She will pull herself into the first lady's seating area, and then they will do a secret handshake. The end.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.