Ultrasound Bill Ruins Night of Sex for Virginia Lawmaker

Virginia's proposed ultrasound bill requiring a transvaginal procedure prior to an abortion got a lot of women angry this week. Turns out, one of those women happened to be married to a GOP lawmaker and she made him pay for it in the sack.

In a wildly candid confession on the Virginia House floor Friday, Del. Dave Albo described his failed attempt to seduce his wife when he returned home from work this week. After turning on mood music and pouring wine, the couple's night was apparently ruined by a TV commentator slamming Albo for the ultrasound bill and repeatedly using the word "transvaginal," or as Albo described it, "trans v."

“So I got my theme music going, my red wine, looking to watch the Redskins, and I’m flippin’ through the channels. I have to get through the news stuff and all of a sudden on my big screen TV comes this big thing and it’s a picture of a bill and it has ‘Albo’ on it. And I went, Wow! Holy smokes! It’s my  name as big as the wall. And the very next scene was the gentleman from Alexandria’s face as big as my wall going ‘Trans v brrb, Trans v this and trans v that. And they hate women… and I’m like this with my wife and the show’s over and she looks at me and she goes, ‘I gotta go to bed.’”

The narrative by Albo was greeted with raucous laughter and applause—particularly when he cued up his bass-heavy "theme music"— from the legislative body. It appears the Virginia Republican was trying to inject some levity after a week of fierce partisan fighting that spilled out into a national story. For his part, Albo wrote the compromise language that scrapped the requirement for a transvaginal ultrasound—making it merely optional for women in early pregnancy. (The less invasive ultrasound is still mandatory for later-term pregnancies.)

Clearing up any doubts that he and his wife were going to have sex, Albo stated at the end of his story that "if the gentleman’s plan was to make sure there is one less Republican in this world, he did." Looks like Virginia's not for that particular lover.