Ashton Kutcher: I Stay in Shape for the Apocalypse

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In a bizarre interview with Men's Fitness, Ashton Kutcher describes the motivating factor behind his intense daily workout: The end times are near. Kutcher tells the magazine he's been practicing Krav Maga, a crippling style of hand-to-hand combat used by the Israeli army, to protect himself and his family during mankind's final struggle. Seriously. Here's how Kutcher sees Armageddon playing out:

It won't take very much, I'm telling you. It will not take much for people to hit the panic button. The amount of convenience that people rely on based on electricity alone. You start taking out electricity and satellites, and people are going to lose their noodle. People don't have maps anymore. People use their iPhones or GPS systems, so if there's no electricity, nobody has maps.

And then ... a war for resources ensues!

And people are going to go, 'That land's not yours, prove that it's yours,' and the only thing you have to prove it's yours is on an electric file. Then it's like, 'What's the value of currency, and whose food is whose?' People's alarm systems at their homes will no longer work. Neither will our heating, our garbage disposals, hot-water heaters that run on gas but depend on electricity - what happens when all our modern conveniences fail? I'm going to be ready to take myself and my family to a safe place where they don't have to worry.

Somewhat disappointingly, Kutcher walked away from the remarks after the quote began circulating. "Sometimes u have to do interviews just to amuse yourself," he tweeted. "They are my words for sure. I was trying to give some kind of response to the question what motivates you to work out."

Apparently Shelley Smith at Men's Fitness didn't sense the sarcasm. Here's her straight-faced sell of the story:

He's not even trying to stay buff for Demi Moore, his gorgeous movie-star wife. No, Kutcher says he trains because he believes all hell is going to break loose someday, and when it does, only the meanest, smartest, and strongest will survive. He intends to be among them.

Well, if you already bought the issue, at least there's a piece on "HARD CORE ABS NOW!" to make it worth your while.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.