No Labels, a nascent political movement bolstered by celebrity politicians Michael Bloomberg, Charlie Crist, and others, gathered in New York City yesterday to launch their mission to tamp down "hyper-partisanship" in American politics. To do so, they're planning on organizing "citizen chapters" in every congressional district, giving "public support" for centrist candidates, and, of course, unleashing their centrist "anthem" on the ears of the American public. Cue Akon's crooning auto-tuned single:
We may not understand this whole process and how things go/I'm just an ordinary man trying to live free and God knows/ See a man with a blue tie/ See a man with a red tie/ So how about we tie ourselves together and get it done/ do what's right for America
So begins the a blandly optimistic tune that includes sound bites from Lincoln, Kennedy, and Obama (will Republicans really find this non-partisan?) and recites platitudes everyone can agree with. Since No Labels has refused to stake out a position on any issue, The Atlantic Wire guesses that the heart of their political agenda lies in Akon's chorus:
He's a Democrat/ He's Republican/ There's a fight and a race who's gonna win/ put your differences aside 'man up' you can/ 'Cause there's way too many people sufferin'/ I wish they didn't have 'No Labels'/ There'd be more change with 'No Labels'
Take that, hyper-partisans.