You Know, Maybe TSA Agents Don't Want to Look at Your Jelly Roll

Nation's "cri de crotch" of "don't touch my junk" is ridiculous

This article is from the archive of our partner .

Just how desperate are those shifty-eyed TSA agents to see the ballooning bottoms of thousands of middle-aged Middle Americans at the airport every single day? Probably not that desperate. Yet the vain and self-righteous "cri de crotch"--as Ruth Marcus describes it--of "don't touch my junk" has spread throughout the land like an insidious virus.

"We let people touch our junk all the time in medical settings," Marcus writes at The Washington Post. "The uproar over the new procedures is overblown and immature. The marginal invasion of privacy is small relative to the potential benefit of averting a terrorist attack. Meanwhile, some of the loudest howls of outrage emanate from those who would be quickest to blame the Obama administration for not doing enough to protect us if a bomber did slip through."

  • Leftie and Rightwing Outrage Has Merged, Marcus further notes. "Bloggers at the liberal Firedoglake inveigh against 'gate rape' and 'porno scanners.' Rush Limbaugh denounces 'Obama-led government agents . . . acting like perverts' and advises, 'Keep your hands off my tea bag, Mr. President.'" Most American people, however, have a more sensible attitude," she says.
  • TSA Agents Hate Fat, Smelly People, The Daily Mail reports. Anonymous agents complain that it sucks "to come to work knowing full well that my hands will be feeling another man’s private parts, their butt, their inner thigh. ... Even worse is having to try and feel inside the flab rolls of obese passengers and we seem to get a lot of obese passengers!" Other passengers seem in need of a shower. On top of that, the agents are getting yelled at all day: "When a woman refuses the scanner then comes to me and tells me that she feels like I am molesting her, that is beyond verbal abuse.  I asked the woman if she thought I like touching other women all day and she told me that I probably did or I wouldn’t be with the TSA. I just want to tell these people that I feel disgusted feeling other peoples private parts, but I cannot because I am a professional."
  • Hey, At Least There'll Be No Cavity Search, John Del Signore rejoices at Gothamist. "TSA Chief John Pistole definitively stated, 'We're not going to get in the business of doing body cavities. That's not where we are.' It's great news for those of us who like to keep our cavities to ourselves, and also great news for butt bombers."
  • Some Government Officials Get to Opt Out, the Associated Press reports. "Aviation security officials would not name those who can skip the controversial screening, but other officials said those VIPs range from top officials like Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner and FBI Director Robert Mueller to congressional leaders like incoming House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, who avoided security before a recent flight from Washington's Reagan National Airport." Pilots and flight attendants only have to go through regular metal detectors.
  • No Surprise, Gateway Pundit's Jim Hoft grumbles. "After all, naked body scanning is for the little people."
  • Lawmakers Should Have to Live with the Laws They Make, Aaron Worthing argues at Patterico. "Now on one level I get it.  Geitner, for instance, had his background checked and re-checked.  All his bad deeds came to light, including some that I think disqualify him for the job of Treasury Secretary, but nothing that makes me think he will suddenly bomb a plane." But still. "Our leaders should live with the same laws they put on us.  If I have to put up with some dude touching my junk, so should the President."
  • Body Scans Coming to Boats and Trains! The Hill's Jordy Yager reports. But maybe this gropey state of affairs won't last forever. "Napolitano said she hoped the U.S. could get to a place in the future where Americans would not have to be as guarded against terrorist attacks as they are and that she was actively promoting research into the psychology of how a terrorist becomes radicalized."
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.