Rutherford B. Hayes Runs for President--In 2012

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A man named Rutherford B. Hayes is running for U.S. president in 2012 as an Independent. Hayes's campaign website makes only one mention of America's 19th president, also named Rutherford B. Hayes, who ended Reconstruction and formalized relations with China during his 1877-1881 tenure. Hayes, whose campaign slogan is "THE PATRIOTS CHOICE," has a simple website, a Twitter account, and exactly zero registered donors.

Hayes offers little information about himself, writing that he is from Arkansas, has a G.E.D., and is interested in "restoring" the Constitution and Bill of Rights, which he says "came under assault." He says he has work experience in "the manufacturing industry" and has "managed a large team." Hayes cites his military experience, boasting that he served "during the Gulf War" but admitting in the next sentence that his service was limited to four years in Hawaii. He concludes his bio, "Rutherford is a man of the people not a Politician, Wallstreet type or one of the Elite he is a working man that truly knows what Americans are going through and will do what is necessary to bring our Nation back to Greatness!"

Hayes's campaign platform consists of a promise to fill his administration with "PATRIOTS," some Glenn Beck-style language about purging "socialists," and a story about how he worked as a building contractor despite having very limited knowledge of construction or plumbing.

The politicians that are currently in power with their many years of experience vote with their ideologies and their career savers instead of voting for what America wants.  Your politicians of today are more concerned about taking from you instead of SERVING YOU!  The United States is being destroyed by these very politicians.  I do not need THEIR experience to make a stand for YOU the voter and to fight for America.  It simply comes natural.  For example: I used to build homes as a general contractor but I don't know every aspect ie:  framing, plumbing electrical, etc...but I know how to get the job done and hire the best people to make it happen.  As President, I will surround myself with  PATRIOTS that truly love America and want to preserve her integrity.  The current administration is engulfed with socialists, communists, and marxists as well as sensatiable condesending egos.  My goal as president will be to eliminate these from our government completely.

Hayes's campaign site also features a photo of a small pistol laying on top of the Constitution. He pledges to abolish the IRS and the Federal Reserve, withdraw from the United Nations, and give everyone in the military a five percent pay raise. His page on "education" includes several typographical errors and misspellings. He includes four campaign videos (not embeddable, sorry) that give rambling treatises warning that President Barack Obama is a Nazi and blaming abortion for destroying the economy.

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The page requesting campaign volunteers consists of only the text, "If you or someone you know would like to volunteer on this campaign, let me know what you would like to do and contact me.  You can and will make a difference in your life and in the lives of all Americans. Thank you for your support!" There is no contact information of any kind. Hayes' page also links to something called "Miss Liberty America," which appears to be a Tea Party-themed beauty pageant.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.