Pat Sajak vs. Letting Government Employees Vote

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What does Pat Sajak's America look like? A lot like the regular America, except the sky is purple, vowels cost $250, and everyone has a badger butler for some reason. Nobody pays payroll taxes and everyone acknowledges racism is complicated. The living, in short, is easy. What's the first step in making this dream a reality? In his latest Ricochet column, Sajak humbly suggests the disenfranchisement of all state and federal workers. Then there's no conflict of interest and everyone can get a fair shake. This is important in a democracy. What if the wheel from Wheel of Fortune was brought up on arson charges? Would you, as county prosecutor, let Pat Sajak serve on the jury? Of course not. He benefits from the wheel going free. You would be fired for such a blunder, and your badger butler would lose respect for you.

Besides, as Sajak points out, government employees wouldn't have to sit out every election, just the close ones, where the lines are usually longest. He explains:

I’m not suggesting that public employees should be denied the right to vote, but that there are certain cases in which their stake in the matter may be too great. Of course we all have a stake in one way or another in most elections, and many of us tend to vote in favor of our own interests. However, if, for example, a ballot initiative appears that might cap the benefits of a certain group of state workers, should those workers be able to vote on the matter? Plainly, their interests as direct recipients of the benefits are far greater than the interests of others whose taxes support such benefits. I realize this opens a Pandora’s box in terms of figuring out what constitutes a true conflict of interest, but, after all, isn’t opening those boxes Ricochet’s raison d’être?

That's another big part of Sajak's America: everyone speaks French and everyone regularly opens Pandora's box, just to check in.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.