Bill Clinton Lost Nuclear Codes 'for Months'

Ten years ago, Bill Clinton lost the "biscuit." You may ask, "The biscuit? You mean that little time sheet that holds the world's most important nuclear codes, which could trigger a doomsday launch sequence?" Yes, that biscuit. It went missing. For months. So claims a new tell-all memoir by Clinton's former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Hugh Shelton. The account, which doesn't mention who found the card or where it was misplaced, was understatedly described by Shelton as "a big deal -- a gargantuan deal." Indeed it is. But it's not like Clinton left the nuclear codes in his suit a brought it to the dry cleaners or anything. It was Jimmy Carter who did that.

To help cope with the apocalyptic seriousness of the allegation, the blogosphere, as it's wont to do, provides quips:

• Hot Air - "Did they look under the sofa cushions? That's where my remote usually winds up....So much for Clinton nostalgia."

• Vanity Fair Daily - "Getting organized is easy! Lest President Obama wants to repeat the mistakes of his predecessors, he should keep several of the following foolproof self-improvement strategies in mind [listed here]."

• Left Coast Rebel - "Bubba-the-fratboy behavior may have put the country at more risk than we even considered."

• Gawker - "I don't know that much about this whole 'nuclear strike' thing, since I'm unfortunately not authorized to order any, but this seems like, I don't know, a bad system."