The United States Air Force is in charge of 330,159 active personnel, 5,573 aircraft, 450 intercontinental ballistic missiles, and 32 in-orbit satellites, but it has absolutely no time for fanny packs. The long-standing USAF ban on fanny packs, which was implemented in the interest of national security, has recently come under attack from information insurgents, who have circulated a fake memo that appears to authorize fanny packs. Fortunately, Stars and Stripes blogger Jeff "Rumor Doctor" Schogol, whose actual full time job is knocking back the rumors that plague U.S. military culture, has found the truth:
A super-secret source tipped the Rumor Doctor to what looks like an official Air Force message authorizing the wearing of a "hip or waist bag," also known as a fanny pack.
"Only solid-color black hip or waist bags may be worn with blue uniform combinations; solid-color black olive drab or woodland camouflage are the only colors authorized" with the Battle Dress Uniform, according to the message spotted on Facebook. "Conservative manufacture logo is allowed. No ornamentation or design, nothing dangling."
... The Air Force, however, does not see the utility of fanny packs.
"There is no guidance regarding the wear of fanny packs in uniform,” said Air Force spokesman 1st Lt. Derek White via e-mail. “Please refer to AFI 36-2903, Dress and Personal Appearance of Air Force Personnel for current guidance."
The Rumor Doctor’s Diagnosis: The message is fake. No fanny packs allowed.
Schogol closes his post by reproducing an even more salacious rumor. "However, the Doc has heard there is video out there of airmen displaying proper placement and wear of the fanny pack," he writes. "If you have said video, please put it to music from Lady Gaga and send it to the Rumor Doctor." The Atlantic Wire will be monitoring this situation closely and report back any USAF or pop star related fanny pack videos.