First, while bitcoin might be used to purchase a plush toy or comfortable blanket for your kitten, the collectible coin itself (which has no actual bitcoin value but is just a novelty desk toy) is a poor substitute. Based on current valuation and prices, one bitcoin could purchase 1,230 fleece cuddle blankets for Mittens here. #

Now, time to get rich—ha ha! Bitcoins are made on a farm. Wait, no, they are mined. Yes, mined. Made by miners in server farms. Or is it servers in bitcoin mines? Apparently there is digging, lots of old-timey digging. Digging to get out of that blockchain, see? Wait, no, mining adds to and secures the blockchain, right? (Do we mine for blockchains here?) And hashing! Lots of hashing! Build a set of rigs with the most gigahashes per second and you'll be driving that Lamborghini home in no time. (I don't know what a hash is.) #

Get comfortable with the new world of cryptocurrency. Learn about your new financial ecosystem by interviewing bitcoin directly, and see if it will divulge the secrets of cryptocurrencies. Whisper "just between you and me, who is Satoshi, really? It's Elon Musk, isn't it? I won't tell." Or, experiment with new ways of conveniently transporting your bitcoin to local shops to purchase goods and services. At the top right, there's the "Hexathumb Carry," which can promote social bonding among your peers and increase manual dexterity, but can lead to some difficulties when passing through doorways. Next, the "Lambo Trainer*" at bottom left, which will build up your musculature for steering the sports car in your near future (*fake bitcoin not actual size). Lastly, the "Hot Wallet," where you simply insert your bitcoin into your mobile device as shown. Be careful to apply just enough pressure to make the colors on the screen ripple a bit, but not so much as to crack the screen—you wouldn't want your bits leaking out. #

Don't die. Death will prevent you from enjoying the benefits of sharing your knowledge about blockchain with friends, family, and strangers on the subway. It will also hamper your ability to become a blockchain billionaire. (See that last guy, on the bottom right, yeah, see what happens when you eat bitcoin?) #

Continued success and block rewards require ongoing maintenance for bitcoin miners. Tiny construction workers are available to maneuver heavy machinery across your delicate circuit boards and GPUs, performing the daily required jackhammering, backhoeing, and pickaxeing to prevent Lego cave-ins, and to keep your processors shouting out "Numberwang!" by the microsecond. #

Steer clear of danger! Cryptocurrencies have a bad rap due to the many reports showing that significant percentages of their transactions involve illegal activities. However, the activities shown above—bullet harassment, miniature mugging, and attempted coin arson, are generally not crimes that will result in your gigantic bitcoin being locked up in the local jail. #

Be prepared for greatness! Once you have reached the pinnacle of the bitcoin world, anticipate the admiration of your peers. With funds flowing from your magic bitcoin faucet, you can live out your fantasies and become a giant (illustrated here by a tiny plastic man). #