Why Paris Matters

"The scariest part of the whole thing," Jim Manzi writes of Paris Hilton's campaign video, "is that her energy plan kind of made sense. It was certainly more coherent than anything put forward by either major campaign." Meanwhile, James Poulos says what we're all thinking:

Paris Hilton is clearly more articulate about energy than George W. Bush: she's a professional and a quick study. While Bush can barely manage in a suit at the Presidential desk, Hilton can hold forth -- or do something like a lifelike replica of holding forth -- on offshore drilling in a cutaway onesie and heels. If the marginal benefit of having a leader who's the brains of the operation keeps diminishing, why not go for the gold-plated bimbo? All she has to do is perform well, and Hollywood culls the weak.

Paris, of course, is merely preparing the way. But for whom? James proposes Kristanna Loken for President: If we've got the T-1 as governor of California, why not put the T-X in the White House? But this confuses art and life: Loken played an upgrade on Ah-nuld, but as far as celebrities go she's way downmarket from the governator. No, if you're want a celebrity candidate who's simultaneously Schwarzeneggerian and sexy, with everything you'd need to make John McCain's celeb-bashing look as antiquated as a Victrola or a hansom cab, I think we all know exactly where to look.

Though of course even a President Jolie would only be preparing the way for the day when the entire world is governed by the superhuman offspring of Seal and Heidi Klum ...