Reihan: Selfish Altruism

While perusing Lifehacker (in life, some read Lifehacker, others read Gawker), I hit upon a link to an oddly titled post at, "Four Rules to Understand What Makes People Tick." Now, in my experience there are only two Rules: (1) Fear and (2) Shame, and subrules like, (1) Strike fear into their hearts until they succumb to a shame-spiral and (2) Shame them until they weep, and soon they will fear further shameful weeping. But according to the good people at, the rules are that

Rule One: People mostly care about themselves

Rule Two: People are motivated by selfish altruism

Rule Three: People don't think much

Rulfe Four: Conformity is the norm

This is pretty deep, man. And pretty plausible. I would add a few more rules.

Rule Five, or the Rule of the Jaguar Bone: He who wields the the femur bone of the mightiest Jaguar shall have unto him untold power.

Rule Six, or the Rule of the Magestone: She who unites the seven stones shall unite the elemental forces, and the circle shall be closed and the Earth will darken.

Wait, no, neither of those make any sense. Anyway, check out those rules, hu-mans. Soon they will be obsolete as robots seize control. Skynet Forever!