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(2/9/96 - 2/23/96)

This contest is now closed. But enjoy!

(Click here to go directly to the winning entries.)

While the music industry is busy doling out Grammy awards this month, we word lovers have a ceremony of our own to attend: the Pangrammies!

What? You've never heard of the Pangrammies? You want us to explain?

Okay, a "pangram" is a piece of writing that includes every letter of the alphabet. In this game, we want you to take a song title and rephrase it pangrammatically. For example, the Beatles classic "I Want to Hold Your Hand" could be transposed to the pangram: "My Keenest Wish is Just to Squeeze the Flesh-Covered Metacarpal Bones and Phalanges of Your Manual Extremity." (Which is a lyrical improvement over the Lennon-McCartney original, don't you think?) Or we might take the Simon and Garfunkel song "At the Zoo" and upgrade it to: "At the Place Where Various Zebras, Oxen, Quaggas, Jumbucks, and Lynxes Are Confined."

The senders of our three favorite entries will each receive golden statuettes and will be asked to make long boring speeches thanking their families, friends, corporate sponsors, pets, and assorted deities. Either that, or they'll each get 5 free AOL hours (if they are AOL members) and a free book from The Atlantic Store!

We will continue accepting entries to Pangrammies through Friday, February 23. Results and winners will be posted at The Atlantic's site on Friday, March 1.

--EC and HR

P.S. Visit The Atlantic's new Word Games and Puzzles message board on America Online (Keyword ATLANTIC), hosted by the quixotic and jovial Raviac. You'll find keen fun!

PANGRAMMIES Contest Results

(All names without @ symbols are AOL screen names.)

There's a joker in every crowd, and in this crowd it's dalbosta@osf1.gmu.edu. When we asked for song titles rewritten to include every letter of the alphabet, dalbosta chose a certain children's ditty and pangrammatized it as follows:

"The A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z Song"

Very cute. By the way, this was also the *shortest* pangram we received. Among the longish ones, the following from Vicarjane gave us a good laugh:

"From Quincy to Worcester to Holyoke, Mass;
Rts. 91 and 15 to White Plains, NY;
Rt. 287 West Over the Tappan Zee Bridge;
Take the Exit for the Garden State South;
At Cape May, NJ, Take the Ferry to DE;
On Rt. 13 South Then the Bay Bridge Tunnel
To Virginia Beach, VA"
("Five Hundred Miles")

Vicarjane added: "PS. I tried it on the map. It works."

Some of you sent your entries with solutions placed at the bottom, daring us to figure out your pangrammatized songs. To turn the tables now and test *your* knowledge of music, we have presented the first 60 contest entries below as a quiz. See how many songs you can identify. The answers are given at the end of this document.

We begin with our top three Pangrammies, penned by Kttylttr, Rickwins, and Mezzomezzo. Each of these chartbusting tunesmiths will receive 5 free AOL hours and a book from the Atlantic's online store. Congratulations to maestri Kttylttr, Rickwins, and Mezzomezzo!

Our Three Winners

1. "A Quantity Equaling the Representation, in Arabic Numerals, of a One Followed by Two Zeros of Capped Glass Receptacles Containing a Fermented, Alcoholic Beverage Brewed From Malt and Flavored with Hops or Some Other Kind of Flavoring Extracted from Roots and Plants, Juxtaposed on an Upright Structure of Masonry" (Kttylttr)

2. "I'm Having Quite an Odd Experience, Namely the Sensation of Sharing Joint Identity with a Tusked, Whiskered Sea Mammal Generally Found in the Frozen North" (Rickwins)

3. "Exactly Eight Squared Plus One Dozen Long, Brass Cylindrical Instruments, Bent Twice, Having Mouths Shaped Like Bells and Movable Slides for Adjusting Pitch" (Mezzomezzo)

The Pangrammy Quiz Continued

4. "Wink Exquisitely and Joyfully Express Yourself Through Scintillation, Wee Vivid Globule of the Azure Firmament" (Alums48454)
5."If I Wanted to Purchase that Jumping, Exuberant, Inquisitive Keeshond Behind the Plate Glass, Would You Charge Me a Sizable Fee?" (SSchri6565)
6. "In an Unknown Location Above the Exalted Arc of Violet, Indigo, Azure, Green, Yellow, Orange, and Red that Sometimes Quietly Appears in Conjunction with Precipitation" (CYDs1TS)
7. "A Whimsical, Zany, Jolly, Laughable, Remarkably Quilled, Heart-Shaped Missive, Exclusively for Me" (Hunny3)
8. "Asking You to Convey Me to the Facility in Which Two Coexisting Teams Equipped Jointly with Baseball Gear Rendezvous" (OasisDude)
9. "Pucker Your Lips into a Little Round Hole While Simultaneously Forcing Air Past Them Until You Emit a High-Pitched Sound While You Bust Your Kazoo, Totally Vexed, in a Job You'd Love to Quit" (Heyjube)
10. "The Zodiac, Exemplarily Quilted as Bright Jewels, Bedecks a Waving Flag" (Buteo40)
11. "Maintaining a Posture Characterized by Bent Spine and Dangling Legs, While My Gluteus Maximus Makes Contact with Horizontal Planks of Wood that Comprise a Structure Jutting Out Over Quiet Gulf Sea-Waters" (Bryda)
12. "The Very Petite Female Geriatric Citizen Who Exists in a Quake Ridden, Smoggy California Jurisdiction of Rose Bowl Fame" (ZinCats)
13. "What's the Consequence When Vapors of Tobacco Combustion Quickly Engulf Your Optic External Zone, Conjunctiva, and Lids?" (Doropatent)
14. "Withered and Jettisoned Photosynthesizing Organs from the Diverse Botanical Kingdom in the September Equinox Season" (Karen Ariz)
15, "The Island of Manhattan, Jazz Central, the Big Apple, a.k.a. the City So Nice They Named It Twice, a Helluva Town, (Even Queens and the Bronx)" (Robbabe)
16. "Vessel of Extraordinary Jonquil Color that Zooms About, Keeping Under Water" (CindyBiese)
17. "The Goods that Make Us Happiest Cost Very Little Indeed--a Dime Less a Dime, Six Bucks Less Six Bucks, Quarter from Quarter, We Just Pay Zip" (BettySte)
18. "Affix an Elongated Maize- or Jonquil-Hued Strip of Woven Silk to Yon Quercus Albus" (JBurke2900)
19. "To Have Mental Images While Snoozing of Aspirations Which Others Quickly Reject Because They Are Extraordinarily Hard to Achieve" (kps+@pitt.edu)
20. "Does the Taste Excitement of Your Masticated Chicle Just Quietly Ooze Away and Become Very Pallid As It Sticks to Your Headboard Through the Night, Friend?" (Ravensegg)
21. "Wood, Quite Dark (Almost Jet), Originally from Asia, and an Excessively Rare Substance, Causing Elephants to Be Hunted with Zeal" (rhorton@gwstmp01.mdc.com)
22. "I Unequivocally Adore That Form of Music Which Combines a Mixture of Elements from Blues and Jazz to Create a Pulsating, Hard-driving, Rollicking, Rhythmic Beat" (MARSHAE)
23. "I Left My Primary Cardiovascular Organ Within the Quirky California Bay Metropolis Juxtaposed to Alcatraz" (MasDix)
24. "I Can Tell I Am So Beautiful, Such a Knockout, Quite Dazzling, Extremely Attractive, Just Delightful, and Especially WOW!" (SendtoJMA)
25. "Right Smack Beneath the Promenade Made of Planks Where One Can Acquire Sizzling Sausages and Zucchini for Lunch by the Sound of the Jukebox Blaring Vibrant, Symphonic Melodies" (WizzRobe)
26. "A Qindarka, a Penny, and a Grosz in the Basin of a Decorative Structure from Which a Jet of Water Is Expelled" (OberOber)
27. "Not Subject to Quirks of Memory Invalidation, Erasure, Expungement, or Hazy Recall" (DarkPoetNY)
28. "Ever-Praiseworthy Domestic Quarters Existing Adjacent to Beef Grazing Hillocks" (Ismite)
29. "If Only I Would Come into Possession of a Hand Tool Utilized to Exert a Quick and Viable, Jabbing Strike" (Kttylttr)
30. "Go Along for a Jaunt Via the Quite Windy Xanthic Topazine Aluminium Silicate Building Blocked Boulevard" (bazmartin@earthlink.net)
31. "I Own These Size-Six Aquamarine Kidskin Vamps, So Be Careful and Just Keep Your Big Feet Off!" (WWLotz)
32. "There's Just One Requirement, Mike: Extend Your Oars and Zealously Propel That Nautical Vessel Belonging to You Far Enough So the Land and Water Meet" (Rickwins)
33. "Without the Jazzy Syncopated Quality Found, e.g., in the Big Bands, Music Lacks All Excitement and Relevance" (Mezzomezzo)
34. "The Gemological Jockey Gave Them Opal at One, Topaz at Two, Turquoise at Three, Sapphire at Four, Feldspar at Five, Sardonyx at Six, Serpentine at Seven, Emerald at Eight, Garnet at Nine, Talc at Ten, Amethyst at Eleven, and a Bit of Tourmaline at Twelve" (Perdenales)
35. "Bipedal Transportation Takes Me Extremely Slowly to the Home of Gumbo, Voodoo, Queens, Zydeco and Cajuns" (LindaSBW)
36. "No Marigolds... No Azaleas... No Jonquils... No Black-Eyed Susans... No Foxglove... What's Up?" (Arglbargl)
37. "You Excite Me to Do the Swing, Samba, Cha-Cha, Mazurka, Flamenco, Jive, and Quickstep" (Sculini)
38. "Who's Anxious with Regard to the Jumbo, Vile, Fuzzy Quadruped Outfitted in Your Grandmother's Cloak?" (Heyjube)
39. "Jumbo Walkway Span Centered Above Agonized Flux of Liquid H2O" (Birdsinger)
40. "Various Minute Quantities of Extremely Fine Detritus Floating Jerkily Within the Confines of a Blowing Zephyr" (LP FLASH)
41. "Long Linked Group of Idiots, Oafs, Buffoons, Clods, Harebrains, Jugheads, Morons, Yahoos, Zombies, and Various Other Examples of People Unqualified for Intellectual Activity" (LettrmnFan)
42. "I Have Developed the Queer Habit of Keeping Metal in My Jeans; Witness This Unoxodized Alloy of Copper and Zinc" (StilWillin)
43. "The Pupils and Retinas of the Oval-Shaped Holes in My Head Justly Bulged Quickly with Zealous Admiration" (MelissaC95)
44. "Desi Arnaz's Joking TV Wife in the Atmosphere with Exquisite Carbon Crystals" (barocas@cems.umn.edu)
45. "Fuzzy, Spherical, Orangish-Pinkish-Yellowish Objects of the Fruit Family with Odd Pits Inside and a Very Exquisite Sweet Taste" (Canterlope)
46. "Quite Behemoth Spherical Wads of Very Dazzling Oxidized Junk" (MPHac)
47. "Post-Adolescent Females Exhibit Their Skill of Amazonian Control Over Their Lacrimal Glands and Ducts, Whereby They Judiciously Quench the Flow of Tears Therefrom" (Bryda)
48. "Plunge Quixotically Forward, Majestic Haven of Zealous Badger Backers!" (DWRz)
49. "Major Da Vinci Exhibit Evoking Puzzled Fan's Question: Why the Grin?" (JeanBK)
50. "Exiting Quickly from This Zone While Being Pursued by a Joyful Heavenly Host" (SueFaye)
51. "There Are Just No Sparkling Rays of Light Blazing from the Heavenly Body at the Center of the Solar System Subsequent to the Woman Exiting" (Pam MPiano)
52. "You Must Live Life with the Acquired Knowledge that Those Objects You Most Desire and Expect May Not Ever Become Your Prized Possessions" (MARSHAE)
53. "That Which Affords Us the Luxury of Buying Things, from the Cheapest, Scuzziest Junk (Sometimes in Volume) to the Highest-Quality Merchandise" (RevMJK)
54. "I Would Not Be Able to Exchange the Kind of Love I Could Only Dream of with Quite a Large Jackpot of a Zillion Dollars" (Michele443)
55. "Seize This Monetarily Compensated Work and Relocate the Vocation Just Cited by Exerting a Quick, Forcible Thrust" (MoxieMan)
56. "Quit Razzing Me and Kevin Just Because We're Ex-Cons Who Were in Jail for Being Pyromaniacs" (Rhr702)
57. "Forcibly Seize the Green Paper Mode of Exchange and Jog Quickly, Way Out of the Vicinity" (Critica)
58. "Enjoy the Many Diverse Ways of Being Awake and Full of Zest While Allowing Others to Experience the Quest for Eternal Sleep" (TEEPOT40)
59. "You with the Funny Moniker, Don't Misplace That Digitized Telephone Code, It Just Might Prove Useful in the Extreme Should You Decide to Bless Us with a Communique" (LostnAustn)
60. "Zounds! Is the Person Being Addressed Acquainted with the Purveyor of Miniature Jewels of the Baker's Expertise?" (ShedPot)

And a Whole Bunch More Hilarious Ones That We Won't Make You Guess

*"The Queen's Realm Sways to a Fidgety, Pulsing Beat, Evoking a Recollection of a Crazy Juke Box" ("England Swings") (WWLotz)
*"Dear Uncle: The Quartermaster Issued Me Several Pairs of Olive Drab Socks and They Fit Just Great. However, I'm in a Tizzy About the Extent of My Trousers" ("Sam, You Made the Pants Too Long") (WWLotz)
*"A Fabulous Chick Who Just Acquired a Vacant Apartment with a 10019 Zip Code on West Eighty-Sixth St." ("Uptown Girl") (Hunny3)
*"Commune with the Odd Ibex, Gyrfalcon, Javelina, Quail, Gazelle, Pig, and Talk Show Guest" ("Talk to the Animals") (Karen Ariz)
*"Yo! Joshua, Zechariah, Xavier, David, Luke, Peter, Francis, or Whatever Quaint Biblical Name You Go By" ("Hey Jude") (MJH12656)
*"I Betrayed a Woeful Lack of Judgment Sizing Up the Exact Quantity of Hours and Minutes on the Non-Spatial Continuum Wave" ("I Didn't Know What Time It Was") (Rickwins)
*"Placed Under a Juju-like Spell, Querulous Due to Minor Vexations, and Fazed When Confronted with Numerous Conflicting Situations" ("Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered") (Rickwins)
*"Tiny Jets of Water Condensed from Atmospheric Vapor Make a Persistent Exhibition of a Descending Drizzle Upon the Upper Quadrant of My Body" ("Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head") (Rickwins)
*"It's a Tricky Paradox - What I Judge to Be a Very Large Quantity in My Possession Is Actually Zero" ("I Got Plenty of Nuttin'") (Rickwins)
*"Folks Ubiquitously Tend to Expose the Objects of Their Most Fervent Idealized Affection to Pain and Woe" ("You Always Hurt the One You Love") (Mezzomezzo)
*"Yours Truly Is Absorbed Just Now in Examining a Quadripartite Shamrock. It Had Previously Failed to Attract Her Gaze" ("I'm Looking Over a Four-Leaf Clover") (Mezzomezzo)
*"When the Weather Behaves (i.e. Extremely Low Haze) the Projected Potential for Gawking Is Quite Unlimited" ("On a Clear Day You Can See Forever") (Mezzomezzo)
*"Jeez, You've Asked Me That Question, How Many Times? Once and for All, in Plain English, the Answer's Ix-Nay, Miss Fabray!" ("No No Nanette") (Mezzomezzo)
*"Canvas, Cotton, Suede, etc. Appliques or Insignias Used to Decorate or Extend the Life of Blue Jeans, Workshirts, Blazers, and Military Wear" ("Patches") (Mezzomezzo)
*"Joy, Sympathy, Hate, Envy, Curiosity, Heartbreak, Ennui, Grief, Indignation, Awe, Glee, Anxiety, Amazement, Remorse, Queasiness, Bliss" ("Feelings") (Mezzomezzo)
*"Groovy Example of One Who Cozens Junkets on a Quotidian Basis" ("Day Tripper") (Mezzomezzo)
*"For God's Sake, Read the Sign: PRIVATE PROPERTY; UNAUTHORIZED CHARIOTS WILL BE TOWED. Oh, You Are God? Well, That Doesn't Mean Squat. No Exceptions. Just Beat It!" ("Get Off of My Cloud") (Mezzomezzo)
*"My Birth-Control Method Relies Entirely on Minimizing Sexual Intimacy During the Period of Ovulation (If You Don't Object to Frequent Pregnancies, It Works Great)" ("I Got Rhythm") (Arglbargl)
*"I Was Only Just Getting Started on the Fox Trot, the Rhumba, the Quick Step, and the Waltz That Evening!" ("I Could Have Danced All Night") (Arglbargl)
*"Move an Object About an Axis by Applying Torque; Change or Reverse One's Way or Direction; Ferment Through Enzymes or Lack of Refrigeration" ("Turn! Turn! Turn!") (Arglbargl)
*"Goldenrod Jumbo-Size Quick Fix for Wealthy Oversleepers" ("Big Yellow Taxi") (ArglBargl)
*"Confess: What Brings You to Keen So Dejectedly and Extemporize So Equivocally?" ("Tell Me Why") (Arglbargl)
*"A Jovial Series of Words, in Broken Musical Tones, Oozes from My Mouth While I'm Zapped by Water Exuded from Atmospheric Vapor Falling Quickly to Earth in Drops" ("Singin' in the Rain") (Kttylttr)
*"Exhaling (Sometimes Quite Wildly, Sometimes Just Fecklessly) in the Breezy Vapors" ("Blowin' in the Wind") (Ismite)
*"Exalted Mother of Baby Jesus Kept Squirt-Sized Woolly Denizen of Grass and Clover" ("Mary Had a Little Lamb") (ZinCats)
*"Usher in the Fools, Wacky Circus Jugglers, Expressive Harlequins, and Bozos in Makeup" ("Send in the Clowns") (Robbabe)
*"Scram, Away, Out, Vamoose, Zoom, Hit the Road Jack, Exit Stage Left, Begone PDQ!" (Beat It") (Robbabe)
*"Just Exactly What (to the Nearest Kilometer) Is the Linear Measurement from the Crust of Terra Firma to That Cool, Quiet Heavenly Body, Whose Nocturnal Glow Inspires Denizens Below?" ("How High the Moon") (CYDs1TS)
*"A Quick, But Particularly Awful, Lunar Acclivity from Its Midnight Juxtaposition to the Dark Horizon" ("Bad Moon Rising") (Buteo40)
*"The Zest Attributed to the Season that Begins with the Vernal Equinox and Encompasses More Than a Week of March, All of April and May, and the Greater Part of June, Compares Favorably to the Status Quo" ("It Might As Well Be Spring") (OberOber)
*"Nuptial Absolution Through Mutually Acknowledged Acquiescence
Adjudicatively Actualized Affording Ex-Spousal Arrangements" ("D-I-V O-R-C-E") (Karen Ariz)
*"Oh Female Person Given the Name of an Exquisite Corundum Jewel Blazing Darkly Red" ("Ruby") (Karen Ariz)
*"Pomp and Greetings, Dazzling and Bonny Lady of Quality, Verve, and Excellence with a Name Just Like a Girl's Toy" ("Hello Dolly") (Karen Ariz)
*"The Abject Narcissism and Excessive Self-Aggrandizement You Possess Quickly Awes" ("You're So Vain") (Karen Ariz)
*"Why Live Querulously and Balefully? Seize Happiness; Make Your Extant Condition Glad and Joyful" ("Don't Worry, Be Happy") (Karen Ariz)
*"Juxtapose Your Persona to my Quick Body and We'll Defy Gravity in a High Aeronautical Adventure in the Ozone" ("Come Fly With Me") (BarbPoet)
*"When That Unfixed G-Type Star Moves Below the Horizon and Then Reappears, with Just a Few More Quarks, to Cross the Sky Above" ("Night and Day") (BettySte)
*"At the Time Thomas Aquinas, Bernard, John, Valentine, and the Exceedingly Large Hunks from New Orleans Proceed Purposely (Not Haphazardly) Toward the Interior" ("When the Saints Go Marching In") (SSchri6565)
*"Pack My Box with Five Dozen Liquor Jugs" ("One More For The Road") (Landlord1)
*"Quickly Moving Junior's Windup Toy Box Denizen Fulminant Phenomenon" ("Jumping Jack Flash") (MPHac)
*"My Melancholy Mood Is Azure-Hued, and Quixotic I Must Vaguely Seem, a Kowtowing Penitent Bearing Flare-Legged Jeans" (Eric Clapton's "Bell Bottom Blues") (LostnAustn)
*"Jocund Zoophytic Marking Unequivocally Penciled by Person of New England Extraction" ("Yankee Doodle") (DWRz)
*"We May Lack the Experience, Ability, Wisdom, Judgment, and Quiet Peace of Our Elders--But We've Got Pizazz!" ("Too Young") (Vicarjane)
*"Give Me a Highball of Cutty Sark Straight Up, a Jim Beam on the Rocks, and a Mug of Dos Equis XX with a Squeeze of Lime" ("One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer") (Sculini)
*"The Sensory Fibers to My Gluteus Maximus Are Joyously Invigorated When Quickly Zapped by Your Pedal Extremity" ("I Get a Kick Out of You") (Doropatent)
*"That Flower Sent by Crazed Men to Kvetching Wives in Expectation of Quick Anger Adjournment" ("The Rose") (DorisDoud)
*"A Quantity Just Larger than Zero Which Can Be Divided by Itself Making Exactly the Same" ("One") (DarkPoetNY)
*"Some Question Apparently Exists as to Whether It Is Reasonable to Assume that Those Crazy, Wacky Feelings of Amore Are Directly Involved with the Subject at Hand" ("What's Love Got to Do with It?") (MARSHAE)
*"The Art of Ending a Cozy Relationship Requires Great Effort and May Be a Formidable Task That Exceptionally Sensitive People Will Just Quietly Avoid" ("Breaking Up Is Hard to Do") (MARSHAE)
*"The Chief Evil Spirit of Darkness Made an Excursion in a Southwardly Direction Zeroing in on the Quaint State that Is Just East of Alabama" ("The Devil Went Down to Georgia") (JimiShack)
*"Take in Air -- Hell! Noxious Ozone, Even! -- and Expel It, Quickly or Otherwise (Just Be Sure to Repeat for Good Measure)" ("Breathe") (RevMJK)
*"The Time a Male Heterosexual Gets the Queasy But Affectionate Desire to Jump Quickly into the Voluptuous Paws of His Zesty Female Heartthrob" ("When a Man Loves a Woman") (LangleyCA)
*"It's Exclusively the Admirable Who Lapse into a Quietus, Zombie State While Still a Juvenile Fledgling Kid" ("Only the Good Die Young") (Season60)
*"The Extended Joining Between a Couple of Overly Zealous People that Are Quite Ready to Take a Major Hike" ("The Wedding March") (Fran247)
*"The Turquoise, Magenta, Heliotrope, Black, Violet, Jade, and Flaxen Yellow of the Breeze" ("The Colors of the Wind") (MasDix)
*"Just South of My Big Apple, Where W.C. Would Rather Be, It's a Quick Trip Down to the Seventy-Sixers' Zone, to That City of Brotherly Love" ("Streets of Philadelphia") (Kruteam)
*"A Razor Blade to a Wrist, Partaking of Carbon Monoxide, or Jumping from the Queensboro Bridge Never Hurts Anyone" ("Suicide Is Painless") (CYDs1TS)
*"We're Making the Zealous Quest for Expediency Life's Greatest Objective" ("Nick of Time") (Andygal)
*"There Can Probably Exist Up to Four Dozen Methods--Give or Take a Few -By Which One Can Jettison a Long-Standing Requited Emotional Relationship" ("Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover") (Rickwins)
*"Jam from the Minarets with a Quantity of Pipes and Zithers, Vexing the Sheik 'Til He Gongs the Beat on His Camel's Withers" ("Rock the Casbah") (Yesrad)
*"The Dazzling, Hallowed, Exquisite Metropolis on the Banks of the Seine Is the Object of My Devotion" ("I Love Paris") (Hunny3)
*"Beveled Quartz Jewels Are Known to Excel as a Lass's Primary Significant Other" ("Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend") (HomeRanch)
*"The Major Attributes of the Article in Question Were: Microscopic Size, Canary Color, Pattern of Dark Circles, and Convex Cling" ("Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini") (Mezzomezzo)
*"You're Nothing Except for a Mongrelized Sea Dog Whose Barque Is Worse than His Bight, So Don't Ever Think You Can Be My Pal" ("Hound Dog") (SFaber)
*"An Emotional, Knee-Jerk Response to a Quaint or Wistful Auditory or Visual Experience, Brought On by the Squeezing of the Esophagus, Larnyx and Uvula" ("Lump") (MIZZOU LEW)
*"Many Bipolar Human Beings Take the Cake by Quickly Hurrying as Fast as Possible with Zeal and Fervor, Judiciously or Not, into the Damaging Fray, Expecting Wonders" ("Fools Rush In") (MarieS1520)
*"Acquaintances from Existing Sleazy Joints and Revoked Establishments" ("Friends in Low Places") (PPOwner)
*"Every Zone Is Aquiver; Joints Pause Akimbo; Excited Cells Hang Without Focus" ("All Shook Up") (HomeRanch)
*"Zip Minus Zilch Results in a Quantity Which Is Exceedingly Bereft of Even Just One Kopek" ("Nothing from Nothing") (BALD MT)
*"Actualize Quite Close and Abiding Proximity with Your Favorite Jake" ("Stand By Your Man") (CindyBiese)
*"Quick-Sighted Citizens Might Verbally Express Opinions that You and I Are Objects of Each Other's Warm Affection" ("People Will Say We're in Love") (CYDs1TS)
*"The Hotel Named After a State with Quality Fruit, Zany Government, Bad Earthquakes, and a Jumble of Exciting People" ("Hotel California") (slshih@Princeton.EDU)
*"An Overzealous Jam Session Composed of or Mixed with an Array of Aqua, Navy, Baby, Teal, Midnight, or Any Other Key Shades of Blue" ("Blues Music" by G. Love and Special Sauce) (Gruven1313)
*"My Quest to Fulfill Everything I Desire Includes Picking Activities Which Enable Me to Amaze Myself with Extreme Gratification and Joy" ("All I Want to Do Is Have Some Fun") (Huber2374)
*"The Subject Has, to Its Quantified Maximization, Stopped Right with This Very Tick of the Clock" ("It's All Over Now") (MoxieMan)

Pangrammy Answers

Here are the titles of the first sixty songs presented as a quiz.

1. "A Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall" 2. "I Am the Walrus" 3. "Seventy-Six Trombones" 4. "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" 5. "How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?" 6. "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" 7. "My Funny Valentine" 8. "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" 9. "Whistle While You Work" 10. "The Star Spangled Banner" 11. "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" 12. "The Little Old Lady from Pasadena" 13. "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" 14. "Autumn Leaves" 15. "New York, New York" 16. "Yellow Submarine" 17. "The Best Things in Life Are Free" 18. "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree" 19. "The Impossible Dream" 20. "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor on the Bedpost Over Night?" 21. "Ebony and Ivory" 22. "I Love Rock and Roll" 23. "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" 24. "I Feel Pretty" 25. "Under the Boardwalk" 26. "Three Coins in a Fountain" 27. "Unforgettable" 28. "Home on the Range" 29. "If I Had a Hammer" 30. "Follow the Yellow Brick Road" 31. "Blue Suede Shoes" 32. "Michael, Row the Boat Ashore" 33. "It Don't Mean a Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing" 34. "Rock Around the Clock" 35. "Walkin' to New Orleans" 36. "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?" 37. "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing" 38. "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?" 39. "Bridge Over Troubled Water" 40. "Dust in the Wind" 41. "Chain of Fools" 42. "Brass in Pocket" 43. "My Eyes Adored You" 44. "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" 45. "Peaches" 46. "Great Balls of Fire" 47. "Big Girls Don't Cry" 48. "On, Wisconsin!" 49. "Mona Lisa" 50. "Running from an Angel" 51. "Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone" 52. "You Can't Always Get What You Want" 53. "Money" 54. "Can't Buy Me Love" 55. "Take This Job and Shove It" 56. "We Didn't Start the Fire" 57. "Take the Money and Run" 58. "Live and Let Die" 59. "Rikki Don't Lose That Number" 60. "Oh, Do You Know the Muffin Man?"

Copyright © 1996 by The Atlantic Monthly Company. All rights reserved.