Notes

First Drafts, Conversations, Stories in Progress

Your Stories of Infertility
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Readers share their struggles and successes with conceiving kids. To share your own story, please send us a note: hello@theatlantic.com.

Show 13 Newer Notes

‘I Made a $15,000 Bet on My Body and Feel Like I Lost’

The first story in our new reader series comes from a 33-year-old woman who has struggled to conceive for more than two years. “As I write this, I have one hard-won blastocyst on ice, waiting to be transferred to my uterus.” She looks back to the beginning:

From my early twenties, I often told my doctor at annual exams that I was concerned about my fertility because of irregular, scant, light periods and a history of eating disorders in adolescence. I was written off as young, healthy, and too anxious for my own good.

When we started trying for a family at 30, I brought it up again and was told to come back after one year of trying. After spending almost $2,000 on acupuncture, hundreds of dollars on vitamins, thousands more on counseling and mindfulness and relaxation, seed cycling, supplements, and ketogenic diets, I was finally referred to a specialist. After an invasive and painful procedure to open a blocked fallopian tube, we spent a year on medications and HCG injections to force ovulation, awkward timed intercourse, and bouts on birth control to suppress the cysts that kept developing.

After over a year with a specialist, our infertility is still unexplained.

My colleague Olga just started a discussion with readers about the reasons that ultimately compelled them to become parents. But there are many people who would love to have their own biological children but can’t because of fertility problems, and we’d like to discuss that distinct experience as well. (Adoption is one major option, and we’ve heard from readers in our 14-part ongoing series who adopted children for a variety of reasons.) In a recent Atlantic interview conducted by Julie Beck, The Art of Waiting author Belle Boggs discussed the taboo topic of infertility “in a culture that venerates parenthood above all else,” as Julie put it. She continued:

One in eight couples have trouble conceiving. Boggs and her husband were one such couple. In her book she tells the story of her infertility, of treatments and support groups, of giving up and then trying again, of the jealousy sparked when she saw other mothers, of nightly shots and picking out embryos for the in-vitro fertilization that eventually allowed her to have a daughter. […] And she grapples with the fact that trying for a child is always an uncertain prospect. In a “never-give-up” culture, how do you decide when it’s time to let go?

Did you ever decide that? Have you struggled with infertility more generally? We’d like to hear your story: hello@theatlantic.com. Here’s one reader, Rachel:

I have twins thanks to fertility treatments, so I’m not personally dealing with the negative emotions of infertility now. But yes, the guilt and shame and trauma, theres much of it on the way there. To this day, every time I drive on the highway to the city where I had my treatments, I think about ultrasounds and blood work and all of those emotions. Even though in the greater context of my life and that city, Ive traveled there MANY MORE times for other reasons. My twins are three and a half, but that city still reminds me of infertility.

In the July/August 2013 issue of The Atlantic, Jean Twenge more specifically examined the issue of infertility related to age—“but the decline in fertility over the course of a woman’s 30s has been oversold,” a claim she supported with a slew of statistics. Twenge also invoked her own experience: