The candidate: Donald J. Trump

The gaffe: I mean.

Happy #CincoDeMayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics! https://t.co/ufoTeQd8yA pic.twitter.com/k01Mc6CuDI

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 5, 2016

The defense: I’d probably eat that, if maybe I were really hungry, probably drunk, and willing to waste $13.50 on mediocre Mexican food.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): So Trump has a problem with Hispanic voters—something like eight in 10 of them have an unfavorable view of him. Trump decides to work on that issue by ordering an Americanized faux-Mexican meal to mark an Americanized faux-Mexican holiday. Amigo, let me give you a tip: They don’t dislike you because they think you eat burgers. They dislike you because you’ve run on xenophobic rhetoric, suggesting that many Hispanics are rapists and criminals. At least he left out the “the” this time.

The lesson: No Hispanic voter is going to be eloted just because some moronga who’s been flautaing his dislike for Mexicans digs into a taco bowl. Unless this is part of some master flan, it’s a queso political malpractice. Save the hard shells for your hairdo.

The candidate: Hillary Clinton

The gaffe: Speaking last Friday to Jake Tapper, Clinton dismissed attacks from Donald Trump: “I have a lot of experience dealing with men who sometimes get off the reservation in the way they behave and how they speak.” One question is whether she was referring to her husband. (She says no.) Another question: Why did she use this outdated phrase, which many Native Americans—as well as others—find offensive?

The defense: Clinton, who apologized, doesn’t seem to have used the phrase maliciously. It’s been been commonly used in political contexts, as Kee Malesky writes in a great explainer.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): In general, it’s a bad idea to use offensive racist terms, or even borderline ones. Clinton ought to know better. (Although Donald Trump going after her for it—“the Indians have gotten wild,” he said—is risible.) One of the peculiarities of her campaign is that despite her reputation for caution, this isn’t her first such blunder: In November, she apologized for referring to “illegal immigrants,” no longer the preferred nomenclature on the left.

The lesson: Adopt her liberal stances if you must, but leave questionable comments about Native Americans to Elizabeth Warren.

The candidate: Ted Cruz

The gaffe: Tuesday night, while Donald Trump was destroying him in the Northeast, the Texas senator was in Knightsville, Indiana, at the gym where Hoosiers was filmed. Cruz said he loved the movie, adding, “The amazing thing is, that basketball ring in Indiana, it's the same height as it is New York City and every other place in this country.” Alley-oops! Talk about a Princeton offense! Referring to the hoop as the “basketball ring” is a technical foul in basketball-crazy Indiana.

The defense: The San Antonio Spurs couldn’t defend this one.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): Cruz isn’t the most friendly, chummy dude in the race—there’s a reason that The New York Times this week profiled David Panton, one of the few close friends he has. Wherever Cruz has gone, from Princeton to Harvard Law to the Senate, he’s alienated people. But everyone loves Hoosiers, right? It’s a great way to connect to normal folks, as long as you don’t botch a basic piece of jargon. (Cruz could stand to take some tips from his doppelgänger, Duke guard Grayson Allen.) Impressively, Cruz’s awkwardness and Hillary Clinton’s stiffness have left a Manhattan billionaire as the most relatable likely nominee in the race.

The lesson: Defense wins rings. Doofuses mislabel them.

The candidate: Son of New York Donald Trump

The gaffe: Campaigning in Buffalo on Monday, Trump misstated the date of, oh, the deadliest attack on American soil and the most traumatic event in the history of his home city. “I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen, down on 7-Eleven, down at the World Trade Center, right after it came down,” he said. “And I saw the greatest people I’ve ever seen in action.”

The defense: In Latin, the prefix “sept-” denotes seven. Unfortunately for Trump, the Roman calendar is no longer in use, so that September is the ninth month—hence 9/11.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): You’d think a guy from New York would be pretty solid on 9/11, right? But no. This is the same guy who invented a fake memory of Muslims in New Jersey cheering for the towers’ collapse. This isn’t even an obscure question. On the other hand, usually when politicians gaffe about 7-Eleven, it’s much more offensive—just ask Joe Biden—so maybe we should just be grateful.

The lesson: If you’re a guy from 212, you should know the 411 about 9/11, but at least no one brought 311 into this.

The candidate: John Kasich. Yes, he’s still here!

The gaffe: The Ohio governor is making his possibly-last-ditch effort in New York, and on Friday, he spoke at St. Lawrence University, where a woman asked him how he would help her “feel safer and more secure regarding sexual violence, harassment, and rape.” Kasich started out well, talking about access to rape kits, confidential reporting, and other counseling. He said the issue is important to him because he has 16-year-old twin daughters. And then he couldn’t help himself, and added: “Well, I would give you, I’d also give you one bit of advice. Don’t go to parties where there’s a lot of alcohol. OK? Don’t do that.”

The defense: At least he didn’t say they should wear head-to-toe robes or only socialize with men to whom they are directly related.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): Kasich wants to portray himself as the moderate alternative to Donald Trump and Ted Cruz—you know, the one who won’t turn away women from the GOP in droves, the way they will. But that’s harder to do when he can’t stop making exceptionally awkward comments involving women, like when he bragged about women leaving their kitchens to campaign for him in 1978, or told a college student that he didn’t have Taylor Swift tickets for her, or, as in this case, suggested that a reasonable precaution against rape for college women is to avoid parties where alcohol is being served. That’s a little like telling them to avoid classes where textbooks are assigned. And as many people pointed out, it sounds a lot like blaming women who go to such parties for being raped. (Later on Friday, Kasich moved to tamp down anger, tweeting, in part, “Only one person is at fault in a sexual assault, and that’s the assailant.”

The lesson: When your campaign’s on the rocks, don’t tell young women to be tee-totalers.

The candidate: Donald Trump

The gaffe: The Republican frontrunner was campaigning in Pittsburgh on Wednesday, doing his typical free-associational rap—mentioning that he’d gone to the University of Pennsylvania and so on. Mid-spiel he wondered “How’s Joe Paterno? We gonna bring that back? Right? How about that—how about that whole deal?” Yes, how is Joe Paterno? Oh, right—the legendary Penn State football coach has been dead since January 2012.

The defense: USA Today speculates that maybe he was referring to a statue of Paterno that had been removed. Sure, why not?

Why it matters (or doesn’t): Paterno, you’ll recall, was fired after a massive child-molestation scandal involving an assistant coach. Since then, there’s been some effort to rehabilitate JoePa’s legacy. Pandering to local sports allegiances is standard political fare and all—like an effort to put back the statue—but this is just plain weird. Either Trump didn’t know Paterno was dead, which is awkward, or he did, which is much stranger.

The lesson: A legendary Nittany Lion, dead, can’t help Trump beat Lyin’ Ted.

The candidate: Hillary Clinton, with an assist from New York Mayor Bill de Blasio

The gaffe: Appearing at New York City’s annual Inner Circle Dinner, the Democrat conducted an awkward skit with the mayor. She thanked him for his endorsement, while ribbing him for taking his sweet time to deliver it. “Sorry Hillary, I was running on C.P. time,” de Blasio said, a reference to “colored people time,” the idea that African Americans tend to run late—a joke that can be funny when delivered by a black person, but doesn’t fly from Hillary Clinton and Bill de Blasio. (Sorry, it doesn’t count that Blaz’s wife is black, or that Bill Clinton was once called “the first black president.”) Hamilton’s Leslie Odom Jr., who is black, delivered the next line, saying he didn’t “like jokes like that.” Clinton tentatively offered the punchline: The mayor went “cautious politician time,” she said, adding, “I’ve been there.”

Why it matters (or doesn’t): It’s true that Clinton has been criticized for being too cautious, but she should have been more cautious about this. It’s not so much that the skit is racist—hey, it’s a bait-and-switch that satirizes people’s racism!—as that it’s awkward and stereotype-driven, and isn’t all that funny. That said, it’s probably not a huge deal. The Inner Circle Dinner is a hotspot for ill-advised politician performances. Remember that time Donald Trump motorboated then-Mayor Rudy Giuliani, dressed in drag?

The lesson: If she could turn back time, if she could find a way, she’d take back this skit.

The candidate: Ted Cruz

The gaffe: The Texas Republican recently named Frank Gaffney as a foreign-policy adviser. Gaffney is outspoken on Islam, and often makes inflammatory and inaccurate statements; the Southern Poverty Law Center named him to its hate list. In 2009, Gaffney called Obama “the first Muslim president,” laying out reasons to suspect he was a crypto-Muslim. Asked about that statement on Monday, Cruz refused to disclaim it, telling Wolf Blitzer, “I'm not interested in playing the media 'gotcha game' of 'Here's every quote everyone who's supporting you has ever said at any point, do you agree with every statement?' That's silliness.”

The defense: In general, it’s hard to hold a candidate to account for every statement any adviser has made.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): That general defense doesn’t really hold up here. Is there any context in which Gaffney’s comments might not be over the line? Besides, presumably Cruz chose Gaffney because of the signal it sends that he is willing to be tough on Islam. It’s possible (though hardly flattering) that Cruz isn’t aware of this specific Gaffney remark, but to be unaware of this aspect of his record is to be unaware of Gaffney’s entire MO. This is a guy who has also claimed that everyone from Hillary Clinton adviser Huma Abedin to famed GOP anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist are agents for Islamism.

The lesson: With friends like this, you’re bound to attract enemies.

The candidate: Donald Trump

The gaffe: There were many strange moments in the GOP front-runner’s interview with the editorial board of The Washington Post: when he hit on an editor. When he called for looser libel laws. When he discussed his glove size. But some attention has fallen on his answer to Post Publisher Fred Ryan, who asked him whether he’d use a tactical nuclear weapon against ISIS. In simple terms, that’s a smaller bomb, aimed not at destroying a whole city, but for battlefield use. “I don’t want to use, I don’t want to start the process of nuclear,” Trump replied, then veered into electoral politics. “Remember the one thing that everybody has said, I’m a counterpuncher. Rubio hit me. Bush hit me. When I said low energy, he’s a low-energy individual, he hit me first. I spent, by the way he spent 18 million dollars’ worth of negative ads on me.” Ryan gently reminded him the question was about ISIS, not Marco or Jeb. Trump bailed: “I’ll tell you one thing, this is a very good looking group of people here. Could I just go around so I know who the hell I’m talking to?”

The defense: You can’t prove definitively that he doesn’t know what a tactical nuclear weapon is or that he hasn’t through through the issue. You can only strongly infer it.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): Oh come on, this is Trump: All that matters is that he sounds “tough.” He’s been talking about nukes for more than 30 years and yet he seems to have learned nothing about them. But it’s reasonable to expect a prospective president to have a more fully developed answer on nuclear weapons than mentioning his vanquished electoral opponents—especially when that candidate has demonstrated his ignorance about nuclear weapons in the past.

The lesson: A man who bombs an interview might be a risky bet to control the bombs.

The candidate: Donald Trump

The gaffe: Here’s Trump in Salt Lake City Friday: “I have many friends that live in Salt Lake. I have a lot of friends, I have a lot of friends. By the way, Mitt Romney is not one of them. Did he choke? Did this guy choke? He’s a choke artist, I can’t believe. Are you sure he’s a Mormon? Are we sure?”

The defense: This was delivered in the course of a classic Trump riff, in which he referred to a group with a definite article (“the blacks,” “this Hispanics”) while inadvertently suggesting he has no real connection to them. “I have a couple of friends, I have actually one who’s Jewish and he loves ... the Mormons, he loves the Mormons.” You… have a friend who knows Mormons? OK, dude.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): Yeah, we’re pretty sure Romney is a Mormon. He’s from a long line of Mormons, has been open about his faith, and served as a bishop. Besides, why would he lie about it? The sometimes offensive, often awkward questions asked of Romney ran for president in 2012 show why he’d be unlikely to fake his faith as a lark. There’s not a great deal of polling for Tuesday’s Utah caucuses, but Trump is trailing, and this can’t help.

The lesson: Trump’s feint ain’t gonna taint this Latter Day Saint.

The candidate: Hillary Clinton, a recent repeat offender.

The gaffe: During an MSNBC town hall Monday night, Clinton defended the U.S. intervention in Libya, which she strongly supported as secretary of state. “Libya was a different kind of calculation. And we didn't lose a single person. We didn't have a problem in supporting our European and Arab allies in working with NATO,” she said. As many people quickly pointed out, that overlooked the four Americans, including Ambassador Chris Stevens, killed in Benghazi on September 11, 2012.

The defense: In context, it appears Clinton was referring to the actual military intervention, rather than the aftermath. In contrast to the invasion of Iraq, the U.S. deployed ships, drones, and planes around Libya, but not significant ground forces.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): To borrow a phrase, what difference, at this point, does it make? For one thing, it suggests that Clinton is either trying to distract from the deaths or else insensitive to them. She seemed to have largely quelled questions about Benghazi after her marathon day of hearings in the House; why reawaken the issue?

The lesson: Never underestimate the cultural currency and influence of Michael Bay.

The candidate: Hillary Clinton

The gaffe: During a Democratic town hall in Columbus, Ohio, Clinton tried to tout her plan for clean energy and worker retraining, but she used an odd approach. “I’m the only candidate which [sic] has a policy about how about how to bring economic opportunity, using clean, renewable energy as a key, into coal country. Because we’re going to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business … and we’re going to make it clear that we don’t want to forget those people. Those people labored in those mines for generations.” Needless to say, it’s the line about coal miners and companies that’s getting the most attention.

The defense: The coal jobs are largely gone already, a victim not of Democratic politicians so much as of economics. Presidential policy is unlikely to bring them back, so retraining makes sense.

Why it matters (or doesn’t): What possessed Clinton to say something like this, in the midst of an answer trying to reassure working-class voters? Perhaps it was just a lapse of judgment. Or perhaps there’s a different logic to it: The Democratic Party has increasingly lost Appalachian voters who were part of the New Deal coalition, with environmentalists taking more power in the party. Those people are likely to be excited about the prospect of putting coal companies out of business, but the clumsy comment probably won’t do much for hopes that Clinton would win working-class whites back after Barack Obama.

The lesson: If a candidate is naughty, she is liable to take her lumps from coal.