Reporter's Notebook

What Was Your Biggest Religious Choice?
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Readers respond to that question with a variety of personal stories and reflections. (For related essays, see our special project Choosing My Religion.) To share the most important religious decision of your life, or remark on one of the accounts below, please drop us a note at

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Mormons Coming and Going

We’ve already heard from two gay readers in our special project on religious choice: one who is considering leaving the Mormon Church and one who already left. The next reader we’re hearing from is a straight guy, who states his choice right off the bat:

I left the LDS Church at age 34.

My wife and children, however, are still active, believing members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, otherwise known as the Mormon Church. This authoritarian, patriarchal religious organization was at the center of my life from the time I was a child. Beginning in my adolescence, I felt a growing tension between what others told me was true and what my mind and heart was telling me.

Nevertheless, I lived up to the expectations of my parents, my church leaders, and other role models in my religious tradition: I graduated from seminary (a four-year high school program for LDS youth); I earned an Eagle Scout award; I went to Brigham Young University on scholarship; I served a two-year mission for the Church in France and Switzerland; I married my wife in the temple in a private ceremony for only faithful members; I served in many volunteer capacities in my local congregations; I even made my professional career as a faculty member at BYU for five years.

Like our previous reader Jon, this next reader Joshua struggled between his sexuality and his church. But he, unlike Jon, left one of those things behind:

I grew up very, very Mormon. My parents are devout people, and raised me to be devout as well. I loved the Mormon Church and believed in its teachings. On some level I always knew I was queer but I lied to everyone about it, including myself.

Towards the end of high school I fell in love with my best friend, who was also very devoutly Mormon. I refused to acknowledge to myself what was going on; I don’t think I put it into words, not even in my own mind. I convinced myself that these feelings meant that God didn’t want me back after I died. I felt a sense of doom, feeling that there was no possible way my life would work out in any sort of positive way.

I kept my sexual orientation under wraps and left to serve as a Mormon missionary at age 19. After I came home two years later and started to think seriously about the rest of my life, I finally began to acknowledge the truth.

A reader from South Carolina has a heartbreaking story:

I am 31 years old. I was raised in a strict bi-cultural (Af-American and Nigerian) Jehovah’s Witness family, one of six children. Though it’s generally looked down upon for JWs to attend liberal arts universities (vocational schools are recommended), I somehow convinced my parents to allow me to go to university and major in theater (!!).

I was always really devout, but I harbored doubts about the teachings since I was a child. I finally came clean to my family about it at the end of my first year of college when I was 19 years old and told them that I no longer wanted to be a JW.

After heart to hearts with each family member, all five of my siblings and my parents stopped talking to me. I was followed around town by members of the church. My family withdrew financial support.

We are still sorting through the scores of emails from readers responding to our callout over the question “What’s the biggest religious choice you’ve made?,” and we’ll start airing your stories soon. For now I want to highlight one especially good reader comment on the piece Frances Johnson wrote for us about LGBT Mormons who have to decide whether to stay in the Church and stay celibate; try being openly gay and hope for the best; or resign from the membership rolls and effectively quit their religion. As Johnson observes, the LDS Church has dug into its opposition to same-sex marriage: Gay couples can now be excommunicated, and their children can’t participate in certain religious rituals, including baptism. (A number of other religious groups are struggling with divisions over homosexuality; last May, for example, I wrote about LGBT-related conflicts among Mennonites.)

Here’s how our reader, Jon, responded to Johnson’s piece, and unlike our readers emailing in, Jon is still struggling over the choice he might have to make—between his church and his sexual orientation:

I do see how it’s difficult to understand why we would want to be a part of the church. (I say “we” because I am a gay Mormon.) I don’t think I could easily convey it through a message, but I hope to give a small tidbit to try and answer.

For me personally, I feel like if I leave the church, I loose one half of myself, and I will lose one half of myself if I stay and don’t live a life filled with a wonderful relationship with a man I love. Either way I lose.

AstroStar / Shutterstock

One of the most fun parts of writing about religion is having an excuse to ask people about their religious upbringing and beliefs about God at cocktail parties. (And people sometimes even invite me back!) Almost invariably, everyone always seems to have a story: a vivid memory of church from childhood; some holdover attachment to a ritual like wearing a yarmulke, even though religious observance isn’t that appealing; an encounter with a nun that left a lasting impression.

A lot of these stories hinge on choices people have either made or will soon face. We just launched a series about how young people make religious choices, and we’re interested to know: What’s the biggest religious choice you’ve had to make? Converting to another religion? Switching churches? Ditching religion, or finding it? Deciding to choose love over religious or familial expectations?

We’re mostly looking for stories from people under 40 or so. But hey, we’re all young at heart, or something, so if you don’t quite meet that threshold and you have a story about watching younger generations go through decisions, or choices you made when you were younger that ended up being consequential later on, we welcome them. All religions and non-religions are invited. Keep ‘em relatively short, and tell us why this moment mattered: How did it shape your life, or your family’s life? Hit us up:

Meanwhile, to kick us off, here are a few reader comments on my intro piece to the series, debating how the spread of and ease of access to information is facilitating new religious choices. This comment was the most up-voted by readers: