Saint West

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have, once again, spawned. Announced via emoji on the 5th day of December in the Year of Our Lord 2015, Saint West has arrived in the world, a healthy baby boy of 8 pounds, 1 ounce.

Saint? Really, though? If Kanye is a god and Kim a queen, perhaps it just ontologically follows that their child would be a saint. Kanye has long had an ambivalent relationship with faith and Christianity, and Kim is the puppet master of capitalism; perhaps the West-Kardashians are collaborating with the rest of the clan on a TBD epic poem about the nature of capital and secularism in modernity:

No longer Reign(s) the Mason; those whose hearts point North can no longer follow old Saint(s). (Something something Penelope.)

It’s almost impossible to fathom why parents would saddle their kid with a name like Saint, but then again, Kim and Kanye live on a different plane from us mere mortals. Too, this child, likely conceived of bike and green screen, may face playground embarrassments surpassing his name:

Last spring, the West-Kardashians had their older daughter, North, baptized in an Armenian church in Jerusalem. The Armenian Apostolic Church does have lots of saints; perhaps the couple was inspired there. Also possible: the baby was named after a football team, a town in France, or an episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent. Us Weekly reports that the couple chose the name because Kim had such a hard time conceiving, so maybe they were actually looking for Isaac West or Jesus West if they wanted to give a nod to difficult Bible babies.

Who knows. No matter. The West-Kardashian-emoji clan is now more numerous, and this, as with the welcoming of all new life, is a reason to rejoice. Perhaps this happy occasion will also serve as a moment of rapprochement for Kanye and God. No pressure, son.