A reader writes:
Yes, it is true that doctors—and not just male doctors, and not just doctors—don’t take women’s pain seriously. I have vulvodynia—the skin of my vagina is so painfully sensitive that even the lightest touch feels like pureed habaneros—and I also have vaginismus—my pelvic floor muscles seize up constantly to prevent penetration. I’ve had vulvodynia and vaginismus as long as I can remember, but it’s been a long, awful road to be taken seriously, much less get diagnosed.
When I was a teenager, my mom took me to the doctor to see if anything could be done for my debilitating menstrual cramps. The doctor gave me a pelvic exam. I didn’t know what a pelvic exam was, so I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, if I agreed to it at all. The doctor stuck her fingers up my vagina and started feeling around, and I was in unimaginable pain—worse pain than the menstrual cramps that were so painful I couldn’t even walk. I was in agony. More than that, I felt violated. I had been raped.
My mom and the doctor were puzzled that the exam upset me so much. They thought it wasn’t a big deal that it hurt, or that I was upset; they just thought that it was because I’d never had sex before and didn’t know what it felt like. I cried all the way home, all afternoon, and into the evening.
My mom offered to take me shopping.