We did it, everybody! We survived Upfronts Week and the only casualties were Two and a Half Men and the music of Pitbull. In all, 24 new television series are now set to premiere this fall (and that's not counting the shows waiting in the wings at midseason). Like an army of wheezing, gawky teenagers just waiting to get mowed down by the finely-tuned militia known as the American viewing public, these shows will scrap and claw, and a good 75% of them will likely never see a second season. So, in a sense, the vast majority of these 24 new fall shows are already dead, they just don't know it yet. Isn't that exciting??
So in the spirit of being able to say "toldja so!" come October, we've gone and ranked all 24 new shows and are presenting them in the order that they will soon be cancelled. There are any number of factors at play here, but we think we have a solid handle on this. Our condolences to the victims listed below.
Note: We're leaving out FOX's Gracepoint (the Broadchurch remake) because it's a limited-run series.
Manhattan Love Story
Tuesdays at 8:30, ABC
ABC hasn’t had much luck with comedies recently, and we predict that like Manhattan Love Story will quickly join Mixology and its brethren. First off, the premise sound dreadful: for a half an hour each week we have to listen to the internal monologues of two annoying white people. Second, it’s airing after the also bad-looking Selfie, meaning there is no reason for viewers to turn to ABC on Tuesday nights in the 8 p.m. hour. Sorry, Manhattan Love Story.
Expected Number of Episodes: 2
Thursdays at 9, NBC
The theme of NBC’s programming this year is women who can’t get their lives together, and the worst offender among the bunch is Bad Judge, starring Kate Walsh as a, well, you know. To make matters worse, NBC has sandwiched it in the middle of a Thursday night that is distinctly not Must-See TV anymore.
Expected Number of Episodes: 4
Tuesdays at 8, ABC
Selfie doomed itself from the beginning by simply being called “selfie,” a term that will hopefully be irrelevant in five years. ABC gave it a tough time slot, forcing it to open Tuesday nights by itself, and while star Karen Gillan was charming on Doctor Who, here she is forced to contend with an unlikable character and an American accent.
Expected Number of Episodes: 6
The Mysteries of Laura
Wednesdays at 8, NBC
Based on its trailer The Mysteries of Laura seems like something of a mystery. (See what we did there.) Is it a drama? A comedy about a woman who just can’t get her life together? (Yes, this is another one of those shows on NBC.) Whatever it is, we don’t even give it as long as NBC’s last Debra Messing vehicle.
Expected Number of Episodes: 6 episodes
A to Z
Thursdays at 9:30, NBC
While A to Z has two charming leads in Ben Feldman and Cristin Milioti, its concept seems ill-advised. The show is set to follow the two leads from the beginning to the end of their relationship, which means if it’s lucky it’s How I Met Your Mother. If it’s not, they have a very short relationship.
Expected Number of Episodes: 10