The latest chapter in the eternal battle of man versus nature brings us to Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Apparently the fading hipster boomtown has turned into a lawless dystopia where bird-on-person crimes is a part of everyday life. Aggressive two-ounce mockingbirds are terrorizing visitors to the very new Transmitter Park, reports Chadwick Moore of the New York Times's City Room blog.
"It’s so ridiculous...I’m scared of a bird. " Arthur Henry, 44, a children’s book author, told Moore. But being scared of a bird is understandable: Henry details how one of the tiny bird's pecks drew blood. Ornithophobia is real. And it's well-known that one of the signs of the apocalypse is that the destroyer of worlds will be riding on the back of an emu. In the face of danger, some Greenpoint residents apparently resort to hipster eyewear. "He [Moore] had brought along Ray-Bans to protect his eyes should the bird come back for a third round," Moore writes.
The attack on Henry isn't the only one. Moore found other people with similar stories. And, it appears, the birds are smart and understand the concept of strength in numbers:
Angela Golinvaux, a 30-year-old salesclerk from Bushwick, also felt the sting of a pointy black beak recently, near the Kent Street entrance to the park where she usually eats her lunch.
"I had my hair up in a bun and I felt something hit it and I was like, 'What the heck?'" she said.
The next day, also on her lunch break, multiple mockingbirds greeted Ms. Golinvaux mid-trek to the waterfront.
So what's the deal? Do these birds have a taste for the blood of hipsters (this isn't too far-fetched since there are bees who love hipster sweat)? Are these Brooklynites antagonizing birds? (Moore interviews one woman who yelled at the birds in English, which seems absolutely futile.)