Of Course There's a Python Loose on the Dartmouth Campus

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One of the local fraternities lost a pet recently, and now the citizens of Hanover, New Hampshire, are quivering with playful fear and mocking the nearby troublemaking Ivy league school. But, in their defense, strange animals get loose on college campuses all the time. A three-foot ball python has been missing from the coed Tabard fraternity house on Webster Avenue since Thursday, and the snake hasn't turned up yet. Police warned the public that the slithering snake may have escaped out of a fraternity window and told them to be on the lookout on Saturday morning.

Don't worry, the snake is not poisonous and doesn't eat small children for lunch. Your cats and dogs should be safe, too. But if you live in the area, be aware that the three foot python slithering in the bushes isn't your imagination, and that you should call the police immediately. 

But there's a chance the pet is still inside the frat house, hidden in a corner or crevice outside of view. "We’ve had people lose snakes and they live in their house for quite a while just hiding," veterinarian Christine Pinello explained to the Valley News. "They’ll eventually find a snake alive or dead." Besides, humans are much larger than a three foot snake. "The python is probably scared," Pinello said

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Some online were proud, horrified, or scared for their well being, and then there were others who just found the whole thing a little ridiculous: 

The Dartmouth fraternity scene has developed a pretty horrid reputation over the years. If you ask some, the Greek culture is gross and dangerous and will make you puke. On the other hand, some see what Dartmouth's frat community has become and call it art. They have perfected the idea of a college fraternity and they're owning it, lost pythons and all.

That said, this may be the best Dartmouth python reaction of all:

In case you don't know, Florida Man is a popular Twitter account that pushes all the crazy news stories about the screwed up people who live in Florida. That's how far Dartmouth fraternities have come: they're bordering on Florida level-craziness. 

But an animal loose on campus isn't actually that bad in the grand scheme of things. A moose was seen galloping across the Dartmouth campus earlier this month. (Though, it should be noted, the moose was never living in a frat house.) And a bear was roaming through the University of Central Florida campus this month, too. A Florida Gulf Coast University grad told The Atlantic Wire that baby alligators were a regular fixture of the campus lifestyle there. Wild animals, apparently, are just as common to the modern college experience as essay all-nighters and keg stands. This isn't completely Dartmouth's fault. 

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.