It's Not Really Summer Without a Hamptons Trend Story (or Ten)

It's that time of year! The first wave of horrifying Hamptons trend stories (you determine just how horrifying for yourself) have arrived. We dissect the start of the season and predict what's to come. 

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It's that time of year! The first wave of horrifying Hamptons trend stories (you determine just how horrifying for yourself) have arrived. Over the weekend there were two from Jim Rutenberg in The New York Times, along with one from Molly Friedman in the New York Daily News, and today Tara Palmeri weighs in on the subject in the New York Post. This all makes sense since at least a few people probably actually went to the Hamptons this weekend, what with it being the first "real" kickoff to the summer. And stories about the Hamptons are big draws for both pragmatic and schadenfreude-ic reasons. So, how do each of our papers handle the Hamptons? Well, differently, of course.

The New York Times. The two stories by Rutenberg (who is spending the summer in the Hamptons for pay, expect more, much more) are both different and the same. They are both about tony, old-school types in the Hamptons who must confront the brazen behaviors of newbies, in some form or fashion. First, there is "As Boozy Invaders Hit Beach, Hamptons Sound a Snooki Alert." (I imagine a Snooki Alert sounds like a vuvuzela?) In this piece Rutenberg explains that the people who've long summered adjacent to pristine Hamptons beaches are concerned about an influx of "hundreds of young partyers from parts unknown, hauling kegs and cases of beer with them, guzzling it down fraternity style and, in a couple of cases immortalized in police summonses, relieving themselves in the dunes." They're especially concerned this year because Hurricane Sandy so damaged New Jersey beaches that New Jersey natives may come to the Hamptons. They want peace and quiet, not parties and giant flip flops stomping through the dunes. When anyone who's not anyone at all can get in, is the place ruined?

Rutenberg's other story — "Nick? Toni? Neither" — is about how the only way to show you're really a Hamptons "Somebody" is to get a particular table, "No. 20 to 27 in the front room of Nick & Toni’s at 136 North Main Street." In order to do this, you must go through Bonnie Munshin, who has even on the occasion said no to Martha Stewart. This is how "No" feels: "'I felt like a second-class citizen,' sputtered a bespectacled gentleman who had faced the indignity of a back-room table as he made his way out the door during last Saturday’s pre-Memorial Day warm-up, passing the prime-seating gauntlet of the real estate titan Harry Macklowe, the celebrity dermatologist Patricia Wexler and the artist Clifford Ross." But mostly, people adore Bonnie, because when anyone who's not anyone at all can get in, is the place ruined?

New York Post. "Slummer Rental," from Palmeri: "Hamptons residents are trading in their luxury million-dollar homes for the summer — to live in a trailer park." That's because they can make $50,000 or more in rent on the homes they depart, and a trailer may only run a bit more than that. (Also, the trailers look more spacious than a New York City studio, but maybe that's just me.) Supply and demand! "'We call it glamping, or glamour-camping,' said real-estate agent Danielle Becker-Wilson, 36." As seen on the Real Housewives of Somewhere.

Daily News. From Friedman, pop-up shops have found the Hamptons, which is lucky because it's not like there was anywhere to shop in the Hamptons previously! For those who don't want to go to the old bricks and mortar permanent standbys, now there are temporary storefronts featuring everything from "famous brands and high-priced hamburgers" to flip flops and   "soft serve fruit" to yoga, obviously.

The trend stories extend past our humble city papers, of course. At Yahoo Finance it's explained that hedge funders will finally be enjoying some respite from all their toil in none other than the Hamptons, thanks to the "Gatsby"-esque market. Here are a few more trend stories we can reasonably expect and/or hope for this summer, as related to the Hamptons and historical precedent:

Love on the Jitney

What the Way You Get to the Hamptons Says About You

Everybody's Drinking on the LIRR (It's Called "Pre-Beaching")

Everybody's Drinking in the Hamptons

Everybody's Peeing Outside of Surf Lodge

I Know What Kelly Bensimon Did Last Summer: In the Age of Social Media, Eyes Are Everywhere and Celebrities Just Can't Get a Break

Summer Share (or Rental) Nightmares!

The Battle of the Nightclub(s)

Locals vs. Tourists Round 3,002; see also "Hipster Fatigue"

Bed Bugs Are Back? (Let's Hope Not)

The Footie Is the New Selfie, or "Everybody's Taking Pictures of Their Feet"

It's Never Too Late for the Hamptons

Did you hear, also, that Aziz Ansari tried to get someone to pee in a sink (sort of), and that Hugh Jackman very nearly saved a life (or helped set up a civilian's farmer's market stand)? The Hamptons stories are here.

This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.