In the last three months, four of Carnival's giant cruise ships have had problems with keeping the power on, the steering systems working, or their boats from turning into floating buckets of human squalor. There have been two new reports of struggling vessels in just the last two days adding even more woes to already embarrassed company. If you're really yearning for a fantastic voyage, here's why Carnival might not be the right cruise ship line for you.
You Like Boats That Propel Themselves. According to CNN (the nation's number one network for stranded fecal death traps), Carnival has had to use tugboats in two separate instances. We all remember how the Triumph, better known as the floating behemoth of human excrement, was tugged onto the shores of Mobile, Alabama, last month. But it appears that the Carnival Elation also had to be pulled to shore via tug boats on Saturday, "because of a malfunction in its steering system," the cruise company told CNN.
You Like Boats That Can Control Their Speed. If you do, then the Carnival Legend might not be for you. "Late Thursday, the company said 'a technical issue' affecting the sailing speed of the Legend forced the cancellation of a stop at Grand Cayman Islands," reports the AP. The Legend will now be returning to Tampa on Sunday.
You Like Boats That Will Not Fill Up With Human Waste. CNN nearly piddled itself yesterday when the prospect of Poop Cruise: The Sequel was perhaps brewing. Apparently, the Carnival Dream had lost power while docked in St. Maarten and the bathrooms stopped working. And yes, CNN was on it:
Gregg Stark, who is traveling with his wife and two young children, told CNN: "There's human waste all over the floor in some of the bathrooms and they're overflowing -- and in the state rooms. The elevators have not been working. They've been turning them on and off, on and off."
If Your Boat Has Turned into a Floating Bucket of Human Squalor While Docked, You Like Having the Option to Leave It. "We are not allowed off of the boat despite the fact that we have no way to use the restrooms onboard," a passenger said in an e-mail to CNN. Thankfully Carnival Cruise Lines has agreed to fly all of its Dream passengers back to Florida.
You Like Being Able to Walk Away From a Cruise Company if Your Boat Has Become the Ship of Nightmares. There's something in common with passengers aboard the Triumph, the Legend, and the Dream. For all those people's troubles—they were all offered refunds or credits, and discounted cruises on Carnival Cruises in the future.
This article is from the archive of our partner The Wire.