Blogs have been speculating all day what the mystery animal that washed up on the shores of New York's East River over the weekend could be, but the carcass doesn't fit the description of one animal, so now some are worried it was a monster that came to eat us all.
Except the keen-eyed observers at New York's Daily Intel's Joe Coscarelli noticed it couldn't be a pig. The mangled nose/snout looks consistant with pig, and so do the ears. But pigs normally have four toes, whereas this monster (Coscarelli named it "Wilbur") has five toes. Ginley told Daily Intel it could possibly be a huge rat, "but it could also be a monster. A rat that big would pretty much be a monster anyway, wouldn't it?" The Parks Department insisted it was a pig. "It was a roasted pig — we threw it out," they said. "We didn't count its toes, we just threw it out."
The poor Parks Department. After Daily Intel's post, Gawker's A.J. Daulerio updated their readers on the mystery of the Radioactive East River Rodent with Coscarelli's detective work. He fired off another email to Parks Department asking them to clarify their stance on the mystery, again. Do we have anything to worry about? Is it a piggly-wiggly version of El Chupcabra? One of Godzilla's appetizers that got away? Their response: "Are you serious?"
We know nothing about biology. It looks like a pig and rat had a baby, to us. Our question: assuming it's a pig, what group of people can organize a cookout to roast a whole pig, a lengthy process, and afford to throw that pig away without eating it? Can we be friends with you and your arsenal of roasted pigs, your buckets of scallops, your racks on racks on racks of ribs and your army of lobster? Let's have a surf and turf barbecue at your place. We'll bring the chips.