November 24th, as many of you already know, is National Opt-Out Day, when airline passengers should refuse to submit themselves to those privacy-invading, genital-picture-taking, radiation-delivering back-scatter imaging machines now installed at many American airports. By telling the TSA agents in charge that you "opt-out" out of the back-scatter (at which point, the TSA agents, if my experience is typical, will yell, "We got an opt-out!," causing everyone standing on the TSA Checkpoint Coiled Line of Death to look at you funny), you will be subjecting yourself to a fairly thorough frisking, as detailed in this post. But I believe that opting-out saves you exposure to radiation, and allows a federal government employee to share in your humiliation (while on the one hand -- or in both hands, as the case may be -- your genitals are being groped by a low-paid federal government employee, it is no great pleasure -- and certainly no elevating spiritual experience -- to be the one who frisks people's crotches in an airport, which is why I hope National Opt-Out Day causes hardworking TSA employees to tell their bosses, "Enough.")
MORE ON TSA:
Goldberg: An Even Better Idea Than Kilts
Goldberg: TSA Meets Resistance
Goldberg: 'Are Any Parts of Your Body Sore?'
Goldberg: The Things He Carried
Goldberg: Pilots in Revolt Against TFA
By the way, it is the official position of Goldblog that everyday is opt-out day. There's no need to wait until November 24th. But come November 24th, here's an idea you might try to make the day extra-special. It's a one-word idea: Kilts. Think about it -- if you're a male, and you want to bollix-up the nonsensical airport security-industrial complex, one way to do so would be to wear a kilt. If nothing else, this will cause TSA employees to throw up their hands in disgust. If you want to go the extra extra mile, I suggest commando-style kilt-wearing. While it is probably illegal to fly without pants, I can't imagine that it's illegal to fly without underpants. I If you are Scottish, or part Scottish, or know someone who is Scottish, or eat Scottish salmon, or enjoy Scotch, or have a vestigial affection for "Braveheart" despite Mel Gibson, you can plausibly claim some sort of multicultural diversity privilege -- the term "True Scotsman" refers to soldiers who honor their tradition and heritage by wearing kilts without drawers underneath. (This photo illustrates the possible consequences of the "True Scotsman" kilt-wearing very well.)
I nominate Jim Fallows to try this first. Not only is he one of the greatest living Americans and an ardent foe of TSA idiocy, but he is actually of bona fide Scottish descent. I look forward to filming his adventures at Reagan National.
We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to firstname.lastname@example.org.