Bar 'Lithe' Gay Men from Military Service, Because of Evolution

AUTHOR: Joe Rehyansky

FORUM: The Daily Caller

THESIS: "Lesbians should be allowed to serve, gay men (hereafter 'gays') should not."

ARTICLE OPENS WITH: Author recalling once showering with "40 or so friends, acquaintances, and virtual strangers," an anecdote with no apparent connection to the rest of the article.

WHY MEN 'ARE MORE PROMISCUOUS': Because of insurmountable evolutionary forces.

EARLY HUMAN HISTORY, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH TARZAN: "It fell to men to swing through the trees and scour the caves in search of as many women as possible to subdue and impregnate — a tough job but someone had to do it."

LIFE FOR ANCIENT WOMEN: "They did not have access to Mace, police whistles, Lady Smith .38s, or domestic violence hotlines."

VAGUE DENUNCIATION OF GAY MEN: "The associations and lifestyles of [male] gays encourage these opposing natural forces."

CLEAR DENUNCIATION OF GAY MEN: "Most men who are sexually attracted to other men can and do indulge their promiscuous urges with little or no restraint; i.e., it’s 'party time' all the time."

HOW GAY MEN ENDANGER THE MILITARY: "Gays spread disease at a rate out of all proportion to their numbers in our population ... A significant population of gays in the military has the potential for disastrous health consequences."

DID GAY MEN SERVE IN WW2?: Author states they did not. It's unclear why, how he knows this, or how they presumably avoided the draft.

ORIGINAL REPORTING: Author notes that "the Internet [is] saturated with gay porn."

CLOSING STATEMENT: Reminder that military showers are filled with "lithe naked bodies" and "beefcake parades."