by Ayelet Waldman
Oh say it ain't so. I love Target. I love Target so much that sometimes when I'm depressed I go to Target and buy rolls of wrapping paper and a few over-sized plastic bins just to cheer myself up. I love Target so much I pronounce it Targé, and insist with an utter lack of irony that it's the liberal snob's alternative to that bogey-big-box, Walmart.
And now look what my beloved's gone and done. Forgive me if this is old news to you folks, but I'm on vacation in a rental house where the Internet is powered by mice running on habitrails, and I just saw this today. Look, I knew Citizen's United was a terrible ruling. I've been bitching and moaning about this most conservative Court in recent memory's grotesque genuflection before the corporate gods as loud as the next liberal. But had I had any idea that I was going to end up having to boycott Target, I would have done something. (I don't know what. Maybe strapped on a signboard and devoted my life to marching up and down the front steps of the Court, like some kind of psycho-progressive version of the lunatic Westboro Baptist Church?)
Hey, Mr. Steinhafel, CEO of my dearest darling Targé. Could you please for God's sake stop donating hundreds of thousands of dollars to homophobes and bigots? Pretty please? Because my supply of wrapping paper is woefully low, and I understand you're running a clearance on patio furniture.