I recently met a woman I’d like to ask out. Here’s the complication: she’s one of my new doctors, and I met her while I was wearing a paper humiliation gown. She’s beautiful and intelligent and has a good sense of humor, and I learned that she’s single. The problem is, I couldn’t ask her out while wearing the gown. And whenever I call, the receptionists give me the run-around because I’m technically the patient of another doctor she was subbing for. What should I do?
M. K., Chicago, Ill.
Dear M. K.,
It is rare, outside of the pornography industry, for a woman to have the opportunity to inspect the naked body of someone she has not yet dated. So you must be in excellent shape (and no shrinking violet, so to speak), or you are delusional about your chances. In any case, you can take one of two approaches. One, learn her medical specialty, then fake an illness associated with that specialty and make an appointment to see her. Stay clothed and calm, and when she enters the room explain that this was the only way you could think of to see her. She’ll find this either utterly charming or fairly creepy. (She will find this especially creepy if she specializes in venereal diseases or in the condition known colloquially as “black hairy tongue.”) Alternatively, I suggest you write her a note, explaining, in both comic and earnest tones, your dilemma. Leave the note at the front desk, and make sure you drop the receptionist some cash or a box of chocolates to ensure delivery.