DO ANY OF THESE SYMPTOMS FIT YOU?
• Blogaholism. Do you plot out your day so that it will generate as many blog postings as possible?
• Twitteritis. Did you Twitter this morning as you made your morning coffee? And then later as you trimmed your toenails?
• Reviewing Addiction. Do you spend every lunch hour pumping up your ranking as an Amazon reader-reviewer?
• RSS Dependency. Did you simplify your life by subscribing to RSS feeds only to discover yourself spending more time than ever commenting at blogs?
• Status Update Disorder. Have you made plans to self-publish a collection of your Facebook Status Updates?
If so, you’re almost certainly suffering from from one of the great underdiagnosed ailments of our time. That’s right, you may well have ... Unblocked Writer Syndrome.
But not to worry. The solution is at hand. Now you’ll be able to put an end to the stream of garbage issuing in such free-flowing abundance from you—in just 3 days!—thanks to...
Polly Frost, you’re saying to yourself ... Is this the same Polly Frost who became famous in New Age circles with her “Releasing the Writer Within” seminars in the early 1990’s?
Yes, it’s really me. Let me tell you a little about my journey of discovery.
I started exploring “releasing” techniques back in the late ‘80s, when I realized that I’d been working on my first novel for fourteen years and had only committed two sentences to paper.
Do you remember those days? It can be hard to make young people understand what a difficult prospect the aspiring writer faced. Hurdles had to be overcome. Years of apprenticeship and workshops had to be endured, grants had to be chased, relationships had to be broken up. The aspiring writer needed to move to New York City or—even worse—a university town. Discouragement was everywhere.
So I devoted myself to learning how to set free the writer I knew was within me. I studied mind-mapping. I attended improv acting classes. I made friends with my pre- critical self. I conducted “Yes sessions” with myself on a daily basis. I kept a pen and notebook by the side of my bed, and when I went out for a walk I took a pocket tape recorder with me.
I became such a virtuoso at massaging my creative mucles into giving forth their bounty that I became a legend within the creativity community. With much encouragement, I set my novel aside and prepared the course outline for my inspirational writing seminar: “Releasing The Polly Frost Way TM”!
The rest is history. “The Polly Frost Way” became a hit seminar on four continents.
You’ve seen the photos in yoga and New Age catalogues of my students weeping with joy at finally being able finally to commit words to paper.
After six years of phenomenal success, I realized that I’d given of myself everything that was within me to give. I moved to Sedona, Arizona, and once again began to focus on my own creative work. Easing back into my own true nature, I had sketched out a temporary title for my novel and had settled on an author photo when I decided to take a break and explore this newfangled thing they called the Internet.
What a revelation! Everywhere on the web I found writers expressing themselves.
I was swept up in the exhilaration. I ran multiple Wordpress blogs. I dashed off rants about the New York City book publishing world, sharing them on Scribd as downloadable PDFs. My “What I Ate for Lunch” Tumblr photoblog earned consistently high rankings on Technorati. Fame came to me as well as one of the most prolific photo commenters at Flickr.
But after a year of madness and intoxication I took an honest look at myself. I took an honest look around me. And I didn’t like what I saw.
There was too much writing. And it was everywhere. It was time for me to help writers everywhere find some balance. That’s when I developed:
(NOTE: Students will not be allowed to text during the three day seminar!)
DAY ONE—9 AM Orientation
“Re-embrace Your Inner Critic.” Using advanced transference techniques, you will pretend to read your work to the most discouraging person you know: the relative who says “Who do you think you are? You’re not funny”; the friend who never got around to reading your short story; the scary professor who always gave your essays a D. You will learn to love them all as they do their best to keep you from typing out another word.
Perhaps that little voice that keeps murmuring in your ear that you have nothing of worth to say is really onto something!
“Dragging and Dropping Your Pseudonyms and Avatars.” Students will be required to write expressively—and then sign their real names to what they’ve composed. Now try writing that nasty one-star review! See how it feels to flame someone who knows who you actually are! Writing as yourself will ensure that you have to take responsibility for what you say—and if that doesn’t stop you up, nothing will.
“Rediscovering the Full Grammatical Sentence.“ Students will be required to write for two hours without using any abbreviations. Traditional rules of grammar will be enforced by grandmotherly librarians. This is a technique that has been shown to reduce a writer’s output by as much as 68%!
“Denying Yourself Permission.” There’s nothing like a good “No session” to make you realize you shouldn’t keep writing!
DAY THREE—Our Trademark 12 Hour Intensive!
“A Mind Mapping Guide to Silence.” Explore what it’s like to keep your thoughts, jokes, anecdotes, and recipes to yourself. Advanced warning: We won’t be having a “talk back” afterwards!
Upon graduation, students not only receive a diploma with no words on it, but also their very own “Keep it to yourself!“ ringtone.
• From Alison Caplett, sales force supervisor, Kansas City: “I spent so much of my wedding texting MySpace updates that I can’t remember the event itself, not even my first kiss with my hubby as a married woman! Thanks to Polly’s Reblocking Seminar, I was able to actually get to know my husband. Imagine how much tougher divorcing the dingaling would have been had I not set the constant writing aside!”
• From Marnie Goodrich, famous New York literary agent. “Instead of returning my client’s phone calls I wrote endless blog postings expressing annoyance at the way my clients expected me to return their calls. Thanks to Polly’s Reblocking methods, I have trashed my blog, set aside my ambitions to become a competent WordPress administrator, and am now back to my real work – discouraging aspiring writers with the tried and true one-liner: ‘It’s not for me’.”
• From Bryce McDermott, father of three: “I’d published 107 volumes of memoirs on LuLu when I realized that all I’d written about in the last 65 of them was the experience of self-publishing on Lulu. Thanks to Polly’s Reblocking Seminar, I’ve kicked the writerholism, and as a result have had time to take up drugs and sex addiction. Maybe now I’ll actually have something to write a memoir about. But don’t let Polly know I said such a thing!”
Yes, you heard right: In the last five years, I’ve helped literally thousands of people withdraw from excessive writing—and I can help you too. Perhaps I’m my own best proof of concept. Thanks to my methods, I’ve been able to set my novel aside once and for all!
For more information visit my extensive network of blogs at www.pollyfrost.com.
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