Who's Who

A selective index to this month’s issue

Volume 297 no. 4 / May 2006

Addicks, Steve “The Appetite,” competitive eater, as locomotive mechanic, 93

Andrés, José, avant-garde chef, haute cheese steak of, 146; on mysteries of Coke, 146

Armstrong, Louis, Mussolini and, 159

Arzak, Juan Mari, Spanish chef, freeze-dried monkfish skin and, 145; clarified beeswax and, 145

Baker, Steve, as sacred-grilled-cheese custodian, 87

Belafonte, Harry, as Hugo Chávez interviewee, 94

Big Bird, as model of pediatrician behavior, 112

Bin Laden, Osama, as imperialist, 138

Bolívar, Simón, empty chair of, 96; favorite tree of, 97; ultimate failure of, 105; on the plowing of the sea, 105

Booker, Eric “Badlands,” competitive eater, as doughnut champ, 86; as cheesecake champ, 86; as corned-beef-hash champ, 86; as subway conductor, 86; as rapper, 86

Brezhnev, Leonid, arrhythmia of, 52; rotten teeth of, 52; remote diagnosis of, 52

Buchanan, Daisy, shirt-related rapture and, 112

Buchanan, Patrick, as Lindbergh fan, 133

Bush, George W., post-Castro planning of, 17; on “activist judges,” 46; faux-conservatism of, 138

Carlyle, Thomas, on Darwinian “gospel of dirt,” 57

Carmona, Pedro, as Chávez deposer, 102; as “Pedro the Brief,” 102

Carter, Jimmy, as millionaire, 44; Iran hostage crisis and, 62–77

Castro, Fidel, eightieth birthday of, 17; kid brother of, 17; as Chávez interviewee, 94; humanitarian offensives of, 103

Cavett, Dick, as Chávez role model, 94

Chávez, Hugo, folk singing of, 94; as talk-show host, 94; Iranian-built bicycle of, 94; misidentified carrots and, 96; as Condi antagonist, 97; as Don Quixote distributor, 97; anti- hegemonic news channel of, 97; as figurative West Virginian, 100; coffee addiction of, 100; as grudging democrat, 102; evangelical style of, 103; as regional sugar daddy, 104

Cheever, Susan, foie-gras-flinging daughter of, 112

Clapton, Eric, ukulele stylings of, 158

Clarke, Gedney, as George Washington host, 142; as smallpox host, 142

Crockett, Davy, as relative softie, 66

Cross, John Philip, British soldier, cravat of, 79; knee-high socks of, 79; on goat-related ecstasy, 79; on “mystic dimension of service,” 82

De Gaulle, Charles, as accordion player, 158

Dillard, Annie, on fecundity, 60

Dougherty, Jon E., anti-immigration polemicist, reconquista fears of, 130; as melting-pot skeptic, 130

Ferguson, Craig, late-night host, as “Bing Hitler,” 158

Forno, Richard, security consultant, on Faustian bargains of digital age, 149; as “tinfoil underwear” advocate, 150–152

Fox, Vicente, as lapdog of empire, 96

Friedman, Kinky, gubernatorial prospects of, 17; reality-TV campaigning of, 17; fund-raising prowess of, 17

Frost, Robert, Atlantic rejection of, 60

Gandhi, Mahatma, on Christianity, 20

Gifford, Kathie Lee, as “Mother of the Year,” 120

Glass, Julia, maximalist second novel of, 127; Tolstoyan messiness of, 127

Graham, Billy, as savior of American fundamentalism, 109

Greenspan, Alan, competitive-eating strategy of, 91

Hayworth, J. D., congressman, as anti-immigration crusader, 130–132; on “lettuce liberals,” 131

Hempel, Amy, as writer’s writer, 108; one-liners of, 108; as dog lover, 108; glancing forms of, 108

Hitler, Adolf, as vibraphone player, 158

Housman, A. E., on Gurkhas, 82

Hussein, Uday, golfing habits of, 158

Jackson, Andrew, pirate sidekick of, 138

Jackson, Janet, TiVo title of, 152

Jarvis, Edward “Cookie,” competitive eater, Dizzy Gillespie style of, 90; nasal vomiting and, 91

Jewett, Sarah Orne, muskrat dining companion of, 56

Jong, Erica, as “Mother of the Year,” 120

Kennedy, John F., as sellout, 134

Key, Francis Scott, legal background of, 28; as survivalist, 28

Kobayashi, Takeru, competitive eater, as hot-dog champ, 92–93; unorthodox style of, 93; miraculous accomplishment of, 93

Laffite, Jean, as Jackson pal, 138; as co-savior of New Orleans, 138

Leaf, Ryan, former NFL quarterback, as spectacular flop, 153–154

LeFevre, Carlene, competitive eater, as “Martha Stewart of mastication,” 88

LeFevre, Rich, competitive eater, as Spam champ, 86; as chili champ, 86; as corny-dog champ, 86; metronomic style of, 90

Mann, Thomas, as not Thomas More, 100

Maradona, Diego, as Chávez crony, 105

Marsden, George, historian, on fundamentalism as counterculture, 109

Massey, Cade, economist, on NFL draft irrationality, 155

McInally, Pat, former Harvard punter, perfect test score of, 154

Meir, Golda, medical inscrutability of, 52

Mirer, Rick, former NFL quarterback, unremarkability of, 153

Morales, Evo, Bolivian president, as Chávez protégé, 104; as coca decriminalizer, 104

More, Thomas, as not Thomas Mann, 100

Murcutt, Glenn, Aussie “starchitect,” 107; as one-man band, 107; outback mining museum of, 107; light touch of, 107

Murray, Les, Australian poet, as pledger of allegiance, 28

Mussolini, Alessandra, as “neo-Fascist cheesecake,” 159; cultural sensitivity of, 159; on Fascist export of democracy, 159

Mussolini, Benito, gas-station hangout of, 158–159; pudgy fingers of, 158; as recreational violinist, 158; as Fats Waller fan, 159

Mussolini, Romano, pianist, as Chet Baker acquaintance, 158–159; as potential James Bond villain, 158; pet tortoises of, 158

Nader, Ralph, as competitive-eating critic, 88

Nelson, Horatio, as Barbadian statue subject, 143–144

Nostradamus, competitive-eating prophecy of, 91

O’Karma, David “Coondog,” competitive eater, as tag-team bratwurst champion, 90

Parker, Robert, wine critic, outsize influence of, 148

Pompidou, Georges, puffy face of, 52

Powell, Colin, outsider influence of, 37; as prank-call target, 85

Puzo, Mario, as Balzac paraphraser, 42; on morality of great fortunes, 42

Qaddafi, Muammar, colonial reparations and, 159

Raphael, Sally Jessy, as “Mother of the Year,” 120

Rice, Condoleezza, post-Castro planning of, 17; star quality of, 37; as Chávez foil, 97

Rivers, Joan, as “Mother of the Year,” 120

Robespierre, Maximilien, feline appearance of, 138

Roth, Philip, virtuosity of, 120; tiresomeness of, 133

Rumsfeld, Donald, hedging of, 36–37; as insider, 37

Rustin, Bayard, forgotten genius of, 133

Shea, George, competitive-eating impresario, on isolation and loss, 86; on need and regret, 86; on metaphysics of pearl-making, 87; on Alan Greenspan, 91; glossolalia of, 91

Sparks, Jared, former Harvard president, archival slicing of, 142

Starr, Bart, as poor draft prospect, 153; on disenchantment of modern football, 154

Steiner, Leslie Morgan, “mommy wars” field marshal, conceptual blind spots of, 110–112, 115–116; Splenda and, 112

Stevens, Cat, as red flag, 85

Stravinsky, Igor, as Californian, 138

Thaler, Richard H., economist, on NFL draft irrationality, 155

Thomas, Sonya, competitive eater, as “Black Widow,” 86; as asparagus champ, 86; as fruitcake champ, 86; as jambalaya champ, 86; as meatball champ, 86; as oyster champ, 86; as toasted-ravioli champ, 86; as Turducken champ, 86

Thoreau, Henry David, pedestrian insights of, 54–56

Torres, Miguel, Spanish winemaker, as stainless-steel stalwart, 148

Trump, Ivana, as “Mother of the Year,” 120

Uncle Sam, as environmental avenger, 57

Unitas, Johnny, as poor draft prospect, 153

Ventura, Jesse “The Body,” wacky electoral footsteps of, 17

Vidal, Gore, as Lindbergh fan, 133

Walsh, Bill, on delicacy of football coaching, 154–155

Warner, Mark, presidential hopeful, as flipper of cell-phone licenses, 42–44; as grabber of wrists, 44; basketball skills of, 44

Washington, George, Barbadian hangouts of, 141–144; junior year abroad of, 141–144; “alabaster formality” of, 141; tubercular half brother of, 142

Winfrey, Oprah, social mandate of, 116

Wintour, Anna, as “Mother of the Year,” 120

Wolf, Naomi, as myopic blurber, 114