Who's Who

A selective index to this month's issue

Volume 296 no. 4 / November 2005

Allen, Woody, as clarinet virtuoso, 112-114; singing voice of, 112; "sad gargoyle face" of, 112; riot-ready French fans of, 112; on neo-puritanism, 114

Baudelaire, Charles, chronological sheepishness of, 106

Baumbach, Noah, Kicking and Screaming director, as not Will Ferrell, 147

Bhutto, Zulfikar Ali, Pakistani leader, as demagogue, 68; as visionary, 68; grass-eating defense policy of, 68, 76

Biggs, Charmaine, smoking-gun shopping spree of, 186

Biggs, Ronnie, Great Train Robber, jailbreak of, 186; Brazilian hideaway of, 187; Sex Pistols cameo of, 187; Die Toten Hosen and, 187; pop-star child of, 187; Marmite cravings of, 187

Bono, U2 front man, as Nobel candidate, 50; as megachurch emissary, 108

Bontrager, Bob, enrollment manager, as eater of others' lunch, 128; as kicker of others' asses, 128

Bowles, Paul, as composer, 114

Branson, Richard, Virgin chairman, flying beauty salon envisioned by, 172

Brezhnev, Leonid, dirty limericks and, 88

Brock, David, as right-wing hitman, 106; as left-wing hitman, 106; ash-covered head of, 106; tennis-pro jaw of, 106

Bush, Barbara, as Mailer dinner companion, 117

Bush, George W., as Robin Hood, 42; as Nobel long shot, 50; as Elmore Leonard fan, 154

Butler, Smedley, general, anti-FDR coup and, 87

Charles I, as "feeble, alcoholic murderer," 52; as "man of peace," 52

Chase, Salmon P., as Lincoln rival, 95; villainy of, 95; terrible speaking skills of, 95; political promiscuity of, 95; as face of dollar bill, 95

Chavez, Hugo, as Condi crush, 11; beret of, 50; as Nobel candidate, 50

Churchill, Winston, as historian, 152; publishing riches of, 152; ghostwriting staff of, 152; self-interested airbrushing of, 152

Cleaver, Ward, innumerable crimes of, 161

Colbert, Jean Baptiste, French finance minister, on taxation, 42; on goose-plucking, 42

Cranmer, Chris, British naval technician, as Satanist, 169

Curran, Paul, special counsel, as peanut inquisitor, 44

De Mornay, Rebecca, Risky Business star turn of, 147

Dickens, Charles, as penologist, 110

Diller, Barry, Picasso skull of, 114

Douglass, Frederick, on Lincoln fatigue, 92

Drexler, Peggy, gender scholar, Jiffy Pop theory of masculinity as articulated by, 161

Escriva, José Maria, Opus Dei founder, fast-track canonization of, 52

Fall, Albert, as Teapot Dome ringleader, 44; misbegotten livestock of, 44

Fiske, Edward, college critic, floodgates opened by, 138-139

Franklin, Benjamin, as jujitsu master, 163-166; as non-vegetarian, 164; stupid aphorisms of, 166; as historical corrective, 166

Fussell, Betty, food writer, live-duck recipe of, 88

Gandhi, Mahatma, craftiness of, 64; religious chauvinism of, 64

Garrison, William Lloyd, near-lynching of, 115-116

Geldof, Bob, as Pink Floyd mediator, 50; as Nobel candidate, 50

Geyl, Pieter, Dutch historian, Toynbee takedown of, 157

Goodwin, Doris Kearns, as "historian next door," 92; normal hair of, 92, 94; fateful footnotes of, 94; as play-by-play announcer, 100

Hammarskjöld, Dag, as posthumous Nobelist, 50

Hemingway, Ernest, favorite conjunction of, 157

Howell, Algie T., Virginia legislator, underwear oversight maintained by, 167-168; posture fatwa of, 168

John Paul II, as Nobel candidate, 50; canonization binge of, 52

Johnson, Andrew, as sixties icon, 92

Johnson, Lyndon, undeclared war of, 54; as book critic, 94; fleeting memory of, 94

Jong, Erica, bittersweet Eden sought by, 162

Kennedy, Anthony, as legal comparativist, 48-52; as impeachment target, 48

Kennedy, Ted, as perceived security risk, 108

Khan, Abdul Quadeer, metallurgist, as father of Pakistani bomb, 62-85; vacation home of, 62-63; slowly sinking speedboat of, 64; foreordained stomach pain of, 66; as self-starter, 70; as scavenger, 70; as ogler, 71; Strangelovean tics of, 80-82; outsize humility of, 82; as VVIP, 85; outlived usefulness of, 85

Kray, Ronnie, perfect manners of, 186; homicidal streak of, 186

Landis, John, as Animal House director, 147; enduring legacy of, 147

Lawrence, D. H., extreme humorlessness of, 164

Leda, manufacturing output of, 178

Leigh Fermor, Patrick, teen adventurer, trans-Europe stroll of, 150; as freeloader, 150; as swashbuckling shepherd, 150; allusive charm of, 150

Leonard, Elmore, on "hooptedoodle," 153; debilitating cool of, 153-159; smoothly planed surfaces of, 155; Sartre as summarized by, 156; perfect-ear imperfections of, 157-158

Lincoln, Abraham, bottomless legacy of, 92; as consoling figure, 94; as scholarly mirror, 95; "feline swats" of, 96; as masochistic manager, 96; as "greatest character since Christ," 102

Madison, James, as undeclared warmonger, 54

Madonna, Chernobyl cleanup as undertaken by, 169

Mailer, Norman, ironic eyes of, 116; octogenarian youthfulness of, 117; as "little stone golem," 117

Marcus, Bernard, Home Depot co-founder, as lord of the deep, 11

Martin, Bill, as Christian nudism entrepreneur, 168-169

Maslov, Aleksei, Russian "historian," on Atlantis, 166; on man's horned ancestors, 166

McBride, James, as "Mr. Skin," 87; market forces unleashed by, 87

McCarthy, Cormac, overbearing "ands" of, 157

Mirren, Helen, nude scenes of, 87

Moran, Jim, Virginia lawmaker, as erection watchdog, 167

Mother Teresa, as peace Nobelist, 50; disreputability of, 89

Neeson, Liam, as potential screen Lincoln, 100

Nehru, Jawaharlal, nuclear ambitions of, 68

Ose, Douglas, congressman, "tits" tolerance of, 168

Pétain, Henri Philippe, as serial fornicator, 151; peasant background of, 151; treason conviction of, 151; as non-traitor, 151

Pevsner, Nikolaus, architectural historian, on ecclesiastical ugliness, 157

Philips, Dan, as Bacon of the Month Club founder, 179

Podesta, John, as maiden aunt, 105

Posner, Richard, on drawbacks of international nose-counting, 52

Powell, Colin, as Nobel candidate, 50

Powers, Austin, neglectful father of, 161

Reynolds, Bruce, as Great Train Robber, 186; antiques store of, 186

Riefenstahl, Leni, Leave It to Beaver and, 161

Roberts, Morganna, as kissing bandit, 87; sixty-inch chest of, 87; as samizdat subject, 87

Roosevelt, Franklin, as coup target, 87; non-Freudian cigarette holder of, 98; as "fanatical, Supreme Court-packing bigot," 103

Sandburg, Carl, as Lincoln hagiographer, 92; as ringmaster, 92

Satan, seaborne following of, 169; seat-back looking glass of, 176

Seward, William Henry, as Lincoln rival, 95; as Gladstone pal, 96; as Victoria acquaintance, 96

Shankar, Ravi, as Nobel candidate, 50

Shawn, William, smoldering passions inspired by, 88-89

Shearer, Harry, on Jerry Lewis, 89-90

Sistani, Ali, grand ayatollah, on nocturnal water consumption, 167; suckling guidelines offered by, 167

Slipper, Jack, Scotland Yard hero, shoe size of, 186; pencil moustache of, 186; Clouseauvian bungling of, 187; forgotten folkways of, 187

Snoop Dogg, as porn auteur, 87

Soros, George, tousled aspect of, 115; Karl Popper and, 115; European nostalgia of, 115

Stalin, Joseph, as Elmore Leonard contemporary, 156

Stendhal, forgettable plays of, 112

Stevens, Cat, as perceived security risk, 108

Toulouse-Lautrec, Henri de, as ideal airline passenger, 174-175

Toynbee, Arnold, declining market value of, 157; as multi-tasker, 157

Vedder, Richard, economist, on higher-education vouchers, 126

Veerman, Frits, former A. Q. Khan officemate, as observer of speed limits, 71; as cheese bearer, 71; as whistleblower, 71-74

Waugh, Evelyn, as Elmore Leonard forebear, 156

Weinzweig, Ari, olive-oil authority, on bacon, 179

Westheimer, Ruth, spiritual offspring of, 144-147

Whitman, Walt, as starstruck Lincoln fan, 102

Wilentz, Sean, historian, as big-biography critic, 100

Yushchenko, Viktor, Ukrainian president, as Nobel candidate, 50

Zia ul Haq, Pakistani leader, whispered threats of, 82; mysterious death of, 82