Volume 296 no. 1 / Jul.-Aug 2005

Achilles, as Kennedy brother, 89

Albert, Monégasque prince, committed bachelorhood of, 162

Anne, princess, as combat-animal advocate, 156

Aristophanes, "free fornication" utopia conjured by, 135

Astaire, Fred, quid pro quo and, 162

Auden, W. H., as assimilator, 145-148

Augustine, saint, Fondan qualities of, 129

Banda, Hastings, Malawian liberator, imperial suppression tactics of, 38

Bayh, Evan, as marathon man, 42

Blagojevich, Rod, as marathon man, 42

Borges, Jorge Luis, as romantic realist, 141

Bowery, Leigh, performance artist, whole-grain makeup of, 137; urinal headgear of, 137; Madonna and, 137

Bozo, clown, as American icon, 130

Brandt, Boris, reality-TV producer, on Teutonic fertility, 36

Bryan, William Jennings, anti-anti-Semitism of, 68

Bush, George W., pastrami showdown of, 27; as free spender, 27-28;as Reagan, 27-28; as Nixon, 27-28; Thatcherian motionlessness of, 28; fateful tax cuts of, 28, 52-53; as pacesetter, 42; as death-row pinup, 71; batting average of, 122

Butler, Rhett, as square dancer, 80-81; as Ted Turner, 133

Camus, Albert, as Weekend at Bernie's prop, 131

Carter, Jimmy, inflation and, 57; vanquishing of, 57, 60; as library-goer, 94; freelance diplomacy of, 98

Castro, Fidel, projected death of, 52, 56; as Kennedy hater, 56; fastball of, 56; as GOP keynoter, 56

Cawein, Madison, blues poet, as Waste Land originator, 145

Chanel, Coco, self-reinvention of, 126; gnomic utterances of, 126; as "horizontal" collaborator, 126; timeless style of, 126

Clinton, Bill, ill-starred library of, 93-94; newfound frailty of, 94; shrinking legacy of, 94; North Korea and, 98-99, 106-108

Clinton, Hillary, presidential prospects of, 38; Cansecan scrutiny endured by, 38; as "Bob Dole in drag," 38

Coxey, Jacob, industrial army of, 66

Darwin, Charles, heresies of, 73-74

Day, Dorothy, Fondan qualities of, 129

Dyomochka, "Spets," mobster, as reality-TV producer, 36

Eliot, T. S., as long-underwear advocate, 142; as Orwell antagonist, 142; plagiaristic tendencies of, 142, 145; despairing Christianity of, 143; fascistic leanings of, 145; death wish of, 145; overcompensatory headgear of, 145; midwestern roots of, 148; rhythmic grumbling of, 148

Emerson, Ralph Waldo, elderly enclaves and, 80; on human bondage, 140

Faithfull, Marianne, as glamour groupie, 137; clear eyes of, 137

Fillmore, Millard, general unremarkability of, 51

Fitzgerald, F. Scott, resurrection of, 127

Fonda, Henry, remote control exercised by, 130-133; as Tom Joad, 131; obscurity of, 133

Fonda, Jane, as fantasy Rather spouse, 129; Columbian counterexample of, 129; patriotic bona fides of, 129-133; as Barbie doll, 130; mea culpas of, 130-132; aerobic idealism of, 132; as trapeze artist, 133

Fontenot, Cathy, prison warden, on mortality, 89; on hope, 92

Freytag-Loringhoven, Elsa von, tail-lighted gowns of, 137; spoon necklaces of, 137; as revolutionary, 137; as nut case, 137

Frist, Bill, as marathon man, 42

Gibson, Mel, as death-row pinup, 71

God, as Republican, 57, 94; fiancées of, 93

Gomaa, Ali, Egyptian grand mufti, as anti-fundamentalist, 40-44; as close reader, 40-44; entrepreneurial flock of, 44; on elegance of sharia, 44

Gore, Al, as podcaster, 13; televised Google searches and, 13; swollen face of, 94

Göring, Hermann, sword of, 87

Grant, Cary, sublimity of, 125

Hamlet, lustful mother of, 135

Hepburn, Katharine, as scorekeeper, 162

Hirst, Damien, avant-garde taxidermy of, 156; seashells and, 156

Honoré II, Monégasque prince, enduring serenity of, 162

Hood, Robin, as meddler, 149

Hope, Bob, as courtier, 163

Huckabee, Mike, as marathon man, 42

Huxley, Aldous, anticlimactic passing of, 162

Jagger, Mick, trousers of, 137

John Paul II, as death-row pinup, 71

Johnson, Gary, former New Mexico governor, as Ironman, 42; as Everest conqueror, 42

Johnson, Samuel, as marriage counselor, 140

Kelly, Grace, as bearer of sex and class, 162; disapproving father of, 162; as "Miss Frigidaire," 162; queenlier-than-thou qualities of, 162; silver-screen comeback of, 163

Kennedy, John, skin-deep vitality of, 88; as Greek to us, 89; mob ties of, 126; brutal coarseness of, 126; baffling appeal of, 126

Kennedy, Joseph, closeted skeletons of, 88

Kenyatta, Jomo, Kenyan liberator, imperial suppression tactics of, 38

Kerry, John, as windsurfer, 42; as alleged marathoner, 42; French-proof maneuvers of, 81-84; as sleepyhead, 81-84; European heart of, 84; as goose slayer, 156

Kim Jong Il, threat posed by, 97-108; scorched-world policy of, 98

Landry, Tom, honorary highway of, 86

Lauren, Ralph, embattled muse of, 151

Lenin, V. I., organizational skills of, 118

Marcos, Ferdinand, as no Saddam Hussein, 120

Maugham, Somerset, on sunny shadiness of Monaco, 162

McCarthy, Mary, horrible marriage of, 127

Merckx, Eddy, Belgian cyclist, greatness of, 13

Monroe, Marilyn, declined throne of, 163

Montparnasse, Kiki de, as Man Ray model, 137; Hemingway and, 137; peasant roots of, 137; dead fish and, 137

Moynihan, Daniel Patrick, on radical possibilities of prosperity, 64

Narcissus, as Kennedy brother, 89

Nixon, Richard, drunken-sailor spending of, 28; permanent crisis created by, 28, 52

Oedipus, as Kennedy brother, 89

Onassis, Aristotle, royal matchmaking of, 163; as "éminence Greece," 163

Orwell, George, as Eliot nemesis, 142

Ovid, on female eroticism, 135

Pallenberg, Anita, as Faithfull companion, 137

Pawlenty, Tim, as marathon man, 42

Pound, Ezra, indiscipline of, 143; "batty, sinister universe" inhabited by, 148; as April fool, 148

Prometheus, as Kennedy brother, 89

Rainier, Monégasque prince, manifold worries of, 162-163; ill-timed death of, 162; "pinhead country" of, 162; laundress forebear of, 163; cursed family of, 163; as "Fat Little Monaco," 163

Rather, Dan, as fantasy Fonda spouse, 129; as Klingon Twain, 129

Rice, Condoleezza, as sword-rattler, 97

Rogers, Ginger, quid pro quo and, 162

Rumsfeld, Donald, training wheels and, 115

Russell, Bertrand, as Eliot helpmeet, 145

Sanford, Mark, South Carolina governor, as cyclist, 42

Sedgwick, Edie, influential frame of, 137; as speed freak, 137; blown inheritance of, 137; pampered legs of, 137

Sinatra, Frank, sublimity of, 125; mob ties of, 125-126; sweetness of, 125; viciousness of, 125; as masculinity personified, 125; on Grace Kelly, 162; as courtier, 163

Sitwell, Edith, as animal-rights activist, 155

Stephanie, Monégasque princess, elephant trainers and, 162; trapeze-artist beau of, 162; as X-rated spam subject, 162

Stewart, Jimmy, as source of heat, 162

Suharto, as no Saddam Hussein, 120

Tantawi, Mohammad Sayyed, Egyptian mufti, sex-change fatwa of, 44

Thatcher, Margaret, zero-rotation policy of, 28

Theseus, as Kennedy brother, 89

Truman, Harry, nonexistent regrets of, 122

Vadim, Roger, Fonda spouse, Hefnerian air of, 131; casting couch of, 131; as satyr, 131; "charming addictions" of, 131

Vilsack, Tom, as marathon man, 42

Virgil, as retirement planner, 80

Webb, Del, Sun City impresario, internment camps and, 81

Webster, John, on chicken intelligence, 156

Wells, Jonathan, as "intelligent design" innovator, 74; Moonies and, 74

Wilson, Edmund, as magician, 126; as polyglot, 127; as haute vulgarizer, 127; as terrible husband, 127; as carnal diarist, 127; accessibility of, 127; tragic obsolescence of, 127

Wise, Bob, West Virginia pol, black belt of, 42; as world-class clogger, 42; bum knee of, 42

Wolfowitz, Paul, as "P-Dubs," 110; unruly hair of, 110; endearing awkwardness of, 110; on Baath-mafia parallels, 110, 118; on WMD, 113-114; as pre-9/11 dove, 118-120; on imperfection, 122

Yamada, Shinya, pop accountancy of, 148

Yandle, Tom, as stag-hunt steward, 151-153; lambs of, 157-158

Yeltsin, Boris, vodkacracy of, 64

Yoda, as arms dealer, 87

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