Who's Who

A selective index to this month's issue

VOLUME 294 NO. 5 / DECEMBER 2004

Alley, Kirstie, circumference of, 109

Asgharzadeh, Ibrahim, Iranian hostage-taker, as national hero, 84-87; as persona non grata, 86

Atatürk, Mustafa Kemal, as over-secularizer, 44; as over-imbiber, 44

Aubrey, John, pen portraiture of, 122; on Shakespeare, 129

Benson, Craig, New Hampshire governor, as 15-minute manager, 62

Bismarck, Otto von, war aims of, 106

Bloom, Harold, as one-man department, 131; Falstaffian aura of, 131

Borges, Jorge Luis, born-again blindness of, 137

Bouvier, Patty, Homer Simpson sister-in-law, rumored homosexuality of, 62

Boyd, Wes, MoveOn prime mover, flying toasters and, 64

Brandeis, Louis, as judicial janitor, 111

Brando, Marlon, divorce proceedings of, 198

Brokaw, Tom, swan song of, 17

Buber, Martin, religiosity of, 142

Bush, George W., as first M.B.A. President, 65; as sucker for PowerPoint, 103; Dred Scott and, 188

Byron, Lord, sexual excess of, 129

Carcieri, Donald, Rhode Island governor, business sense of, 60-62

Carter, Jimmy, Iranian captivity of, 82-84, 87

Casillo, Salvatore, as curator of genuine fakes, 187-188

Cather, Willa, Nebraskanness of, 122

Chen Shui-bian, Taiwanese President, as China antagonist, 57

Christ, Jesus, unheeded words of, 70

Clinton, Bill, as secrecy junkie, 111

Constantine, phony donation of, 187

Cooper, Matthew, journalist, as prisoner of conscience, 116

Deng Xiaoping, as capitalist, 54

De Niro, Robert, as father figure, 199

Dylan, Bob, divorce proceedings of, 198

Ebtekar, Massoumeh, Iranian Vice President, hostage-taking youth of, 87-90; as "Screaming Mary," 90; as Philadelphian, 90

Eisenhower, Dwight, as pre-PowerPoint general, 100

Elizabeth, Queen, as Falstaff fan, 131

Erdogan, Recep Tayyip, Turkish Prime Minister, moderate Islam of, 48; as only popular Turkish politician, 48

Ferrell, Will, as stunt Bush, 64

Fitzgerald, Patrick, Plame inquisitor, as subpoena machine, 114-116

Flanders, Ned, Simpsons neighbor, wardrobe of, 62

Ford, Henry, retro tastes of, 137

Gabor, Zsa Zsa, as housekeeper, 198; discarded husbands of, 198

Garner, James, as plainsman extraordinaire, 122

Göring, Hermann, credulity of, 188

Greenblatt, Stephen, Shakespeare scholar, kingly bearing of, 131; as reverse alchemist, 134; as miniaturist, 132-134; as critical heartthrob, 134

Hardwick, Elizabeth, on seduction, 127

Hashemi, Muhammad, former Iranian radical, hostage-themed courtship of, 87; as resort entrepreneur, 92

Hobsbawm, Eric, as author of last word on Marx, 121

Hope, Bob, as balladeer, 198

Hopper, Hedda, gossip maven, as moral gatekeeper, 198

Houellebecq, Michel, sexual excess of, 129

Ireland, William Henry, as ersatz Shakespeare, 188

James, William, on war as sacrament, 188

Jonson, Ben, as murderer, 129

Keating, Frank, former Oklahoma governor, as sexual-abuse investigator, 111; on secrecy, 111

Kennedy, John F., forged letters of, 188; Marilyn Monroe and, 188

Khashoggi, Adnan, arms dealer, eye-popping per diems of, 199; as divorcé, 198-199; as tabloid joke, 199

Khashoggi, Soraya, as alimony record-breaker, 199; as Churchill paramour, 199

Killian, Jerry, Air National Guard officer, ghostwriter for, 187

Klemperer, Victor, diarist, as real-life Joseph K, 140-146; as cat lover, 141; as close reader, 142-143; as kvetcher, 144

Krusty, Simpsons clown, transvestite companion of, 62

Larkin, Philip, day job of, 130

Lerner, Alan Jay, many loves of, 198; many divorces of, 198

Libby, I. Lewis, Cheney's Cheney, waived confidentiality of, 116

Liebling, A. J., Manhattan sophisticate, sneering parochialism of, 124

Macpherson, James, as ancient Scottish bard, 187; as nineteenth-century con artist, 187

Magdalene, Mary, as Lazarus pen pal, 188

Malick, Terrence, plain-eyed brilliance of, 122

Marcos, Imelda, rumored Sapphic dalliance of, 137

Marvin, Lee, tough guy, palimony and, 198; as lounge-act punchline, 198

Marx, Groucho, as "very bad lay," 199

Marx, Karl, schoolboy nickname of, 121

Mason, Pamela, as divorce pioneer, 198

McDougal, Susan, Whitewater figure, silence of, 116

Meegeren, Han van, as lackluster Vermeer forger, 188

Miller, Judith, journalist, as subpoena target, 116

Mitchelson, Marvin, divorce lawyer, as Jackie Collins fodder, 198; as milkman, 198; as father of palimony, 198-199; as devoted husband, 199; as champion of the poor, 198; as champion of ex-trophy wives, 198

Moore, Demi, peripatetic youth of, 122; as plainswoman, 122

Mother Teresa, as baseball autographer, 188

Munro, Alice, Jamesian preoccupations of, 127; ghost stories of, 127; on menace of water, 126

Murray, William, former naval officer, on Chinese submarine threat, 58

Nietzsche, Friedrich, insanity of, 129

Novak, Robert, zipped lips of, 114-116

Nussbaum, Bernard, former White House counsel, reflexive secrecy of, 113-114

Ovid, as baptist, 126

Ozal, Turgut, former Turkish Prime Minister, as barbecue enthusiast, 44

Parker, Charlie, as Kansas Citian, 122; as plainsman, 122

Pickens, T. Boone, Texas oilman, as Swift Vets donor, 64

Piltdown Man, missing link, as archaeological hoax, 121, 188

Plame, Valerie, CIA operative, outing of, 114-118

Plath, Sylvia, as bubbly housewife, 130

Poe, Edgar Allan, drunkenness of, 129

Powell, Lewis, Supreme Court justice, on press secrecy, 116

Putin, Vladimir, as belt tightener, 17; plunging approval ratings of, 17

Rasputin, Grigory, as satyr, 154

Rice, Condoleezza, as weak link, 106

Robinson, Marilynne, nearly perfect first novel of, 135-138; less perfect second novel of, 135-138

Rolvaag, O. E., on hardship of the Plains, 122

Romney, Mitt, as "CEO of Massachusetts," 65; Olympian achievements of, 60

Roosevelt, Kermit, CIA hand, as Iran coup maestro, 89

Rumsfeld, Donald, incoming message of, 188

Rupf, Jörg, distiller, artisan vodka and, 190-194

Russert, Tim, as subpoena target, 114

Rutledge, Ann, alleged Abe Lincoln sweetheart, 188

Salisbury, Lord, British statesman, sassiness of, 122

Sandburg, Carl, as dupe, 188

Scheuer, Michael, "Anonymous," epistle of, 50-52

Schweitzer, Brian, Montana guber-natorial candidate, as rancher, 60; as businessman, 60-62, 65; as cherub, 60

Shakespeare, William, as biographer's nightmare, 129; as control freak, 129; as terrible husband, 129-130; as bed bequeather, 130; as critical mirror, 131; erotic mysteries of, 132; suspiciously late works of, 188

Shelby, Richard, Alabama senator, trusting nature of, 114

Shelley, Percy Bysshe, sexual excess of, 129

Simpson, Homer, specific sexual preference of, 62

Smith, Emmitt, running back, as authenticity entrepreneur, 187

Smith, Winston, as totalitarian pawn, 140, 142, 146

Smithers, Waylon, lackey, as doll collector, 62

Soros, George, as political rainmaker, 64

Spears, Britney, pre-fab pre-nups of, 198

Stephen, Leslie, eminent Victorian, as "considerate autocrat," 121; as father of Virginia Woolf, 121; as superbiographer, 121

Thurman, Robert, father of Uma, on transcendent consciousness, 137

Trevor-Roper, Hugh, historian, forged Hitler diaries and, 188

Ward, Andre, boxer, as savior of the Republic, 78

Watkins, Sherron, Enron whistleblower, as shrinking violet, 111

Wilde, Oscar, forgiven hubris of, 129; as antisocial socialist, 144

Williams, Brian, NBC anchor, perpetual tan of, 17