Alley, Kirstie, circumference of, 109
Asgharzadeh, Ibrahim, Iranian hostage-taker, as national hero, 84-87; as persona non grata, 86
Atatürk, Mustafa Kemal, as over-secularizer, 44; as over-imbiber, 44
Aubrey, John, pen portraiture of, 122; on Shakespeare, 129
Benson, Craig, New Hampshire governor, as 15-minute manager, 62
Bismarck, Otto von, war aims of, 106
Bloom, Harold, as one-man department, 131; Falstaffian aura of, 131
Borges, Jorge Luis, born-again blindness of, 137
Bouvier, Patty, Homer Simpson sister-in-law, rumored homosexuality of, 62
Boyd, Wes, MoveOn prime mover, flying toasters and, 64
Brandeis, Louis, as judicial janitor, 111
Brando, Marlon, divorce proceedings of, 198
Brokaw, Tom, swan song of, 17
Buber, Martin, religiosity of, 142
Bush, George W., as first M.B.A. President, 65; as sucker for PowerPoint, 103; Dred Scott and, 188
Byron, Lord, sexual excess of, 129
Carcieri, Donald, Rhode Island governor, business sense of, 60-62
Carter, Jimmy, Iranian captivity of, 82-84, 87
Casillo, Salvatore, as curator of genuine fakes, 187-188
Cather, Willa, Nebraskanness of, 122
Chen Shui-bian, Taiwanese President, as China antagonist, 57
Christ, Jesus, unheeded words of, 70
Clinton, Bill, as secrecy junkie, 111
Constantine, phony donation of, 187
Cooper, Matthew, journalist, as prisoner of conscience, 116
Deng Xiaoping, as capitalist, 54
De Niro, Robert, as father figure, 199
Dylan, Bob, divorce proceedings of, 198
Ebtekar, Massoumeh, Iranian Vice President, hostage-taking youth of, 87-90; as "Screaming Mary," 90; as Philadelphian, 90
Eisenhower, Dwight, as pre-PowerPoint general, 100
Elizabeth, Queen, as Falstaff fan, 131
Erdogan, Recep Tayyip, Turkish Prime Minister, moderate Islam of, 48; as only popular Turkish politician, 48
Ferrell, Will, as stunt Bush, 64
Fitzgerald, Patrick, Plame inquisitor, as subpoena machine, 114-116
Flanders, Ned, Simpsons neighbor, wardrobe of, 62
Ford, Henry, retro tastes of, 137
Gabor, Zsa Zsa, as housekeeper, 198; discarded husbands of, 198
Garner, James, as plainsman extraordinaire, 122
Göring, Hermann, credulity of, 188
Greenblatt, Stephen, Shakespeare scholar, kingly bearing of, 131; as reverse alchemist, 134; as miniaturist, 132-134; as critical heartthrob, 134
Hardwick, Elizabeth, on seduction, 127
Hashemi, Muhammad, former Iranian radical, hostage-themed courtship of, 87; as resort entrepreneur, 92
Hobsbawm, Eric, as author of last word on Marx, 121
Hope, Bob, as balladeer, 198
Hopper, Hedda, gossip maven, as moral gatekeeper, 198
Houellebecq, Michel, sexual excess of, 129
Ireland, William Henry, as ersatz Shakespeare, 188
James, William, on war as sacrament, 188
Jonson, Ben, as murderer, 129
Keating, Frank, former Oklahoma governor, as sexual-abuse investigator, 111; on secrecy, 111
Kennedy, John F., forged letters of, 188; Marilyn Monroe and, 188
Khashoggi, Adnan, arms dealer, eye-popping per diems of, 199; as divorcé, 198-199; as tabloid joke, 199
Khashoggi, Soraya, as alimony record-breaker, 199; as Churchill paramour, 199
Killian, Jerry, Air National Guard officer, ghostwriter for, 187
Klemperer, Victor, diarist, as real-life Joseph K, 140-146; as cat lover, 141; as close reader, 142-143; as kvetcher, 144
Krusty, Simpsons clown, transvestite companion of, 62
Larkin, Philip, day job of, 130
Lerner, Alan Jay, many loves of, 198; many divorces of, 198
Libby, I. Lewis, Cheney's Cheney, waived confidentiality of, 116
Liebling, A. J., Manhattan sophisticate, sneering parochialism of, 124
Macpherson, James, as ancient Scottish bard, 187; as nineteenth-century con artist, 187
Magdalene, Mary, as Lazarus pen pal, 188
Malick, Terrence, plain-eyed brilliance of, 122
Marcos, Imelda, rumored Sapphic dalliance of, 137
Marvin, Lee, tough guy, palimony and, 198; as lounge-act punchline, 198
Marx, Groucho, as "very bad lay," 199
Marx, Karl, schoolboy nickname of, 121
Mason, Pamela, as divorce pioneer, 198
McDougal, Susan, Whitewater figure, silence of, 116
Meegeren, Han van, as lackluster Vermeer forger, 188
Miller, Judith, journalist, as subpoena target, 116
Mitchelson, Marvin, divorce lawyer, as Jackie Collins fodder, 198; as milkman, 198; as father of palimony, 198-199; as devoted husband, 199; as champion of the poor, 198; as champion of ex-trophy wives, 198
Moore, Demi, peripatetic youth of, 122; as plainswoman, 122
Mother Teresa, as baseball autographer, 188
Munro, Alice, Jamesian preoccupations of, 127; ghost stories of, 127; on menace of water, 126
Murray, William, former naval officer, on Chinese submarine threat, 58
Nietzsche, Friedrich, insanity of, 129
Novak, Robert, zipped lips of, 114-116
Nussbaum, Bernard, former White House counsel, reflexive secrecy of, 113-114
Ovid, as baptist, 126
Ozal, Turgut, former Turkish Prime Minister, as barbecue enthusiast, 44
Parker, Charlie, as Kansas Citian, 122; as plainsman, 122
Pickens, T. Boone, Texas oilman, as Swift Vets donor, 64
Piltdown Man, missing link, as archaeological hoax, 121, 188
Plame, Valerie, CIA operative, outing of, 114-118
Plath, Sylvia, as bubbly housewife, 130
Poe, Edgar Allan, drunkenness of, 129
Powell, Lewis, Supreme Court justice, on press secrecy, 116
Putin, Vladimir, as belt tightener, 17; plunging approval ratings of, 17
Rasputin, Grigory, as satyr, 154
Rice, Condoleezza, as weak link, 106
Robinson, Marilynne, nearly perfect first novel of, 135-138; less perfect second novel of, 135-138
Rolvaag, O. E., on hardship of the Plains, 122
Romney, Mitt, as "CEO of Massachusetts," 65; Olympian achievements of, 60
Roosevelt, Kermit, CIA hand, as Iran coup maestro, 89
Rumsfeld, Donald, incoming message of, 188
Rupf, Jörg, distiller, artisan vodka and, 190-194
Russert, Tim, as subpoena target, 114
Rutledge, Ann, alleged Abe Lincoln sweetheart, 188
Salisbury, Lord, British statesman, sassiness of, 122
Sandburg, Carl, as dupe, 188
Scheuer, Michael, "Anonymous," epistle of, 50-52
Schweitzer, Brian, Montana guber-natorial candidate, as rancher, 60; as businessman, 60-62, 65; as cherub, 60
Shakespeare, William, as biographer's nightmare, 129; as control freak, 129; as terrible husband, 129-130; as bed bequeather, 130; as critical mirror, 131; erotic mysteries of, 132; suspiciously late works of, 188
Shelby, Richard, Alabama senator, trusting nature of, 114
Shelley, Percy Bysshe, sexual excess of, 129
Simpson, Homer, specific sexual preference of, 62
Smith, Emmitt, running back, as authenticity entrepreneur, 187
Smith, Winston, as totalitarian pawn, 140, 142, 146
Smithers, Waylon, lackey, as doll collector, 62
Soros, George, as political rainmaker, 64
Spears, Britney, pre-fab pre-nups of, 198
Stephen, Leslie, eminent Victorian, as "considerate autocrat," 121; as father of Virginia Woolf, 121; as superbiographer, 121
Thurman, Robert, father of Uma, on transcendent consciousness, 137
Trevor-Roper, Hugh, historian, forged Hitler diaries and, 188
Ward, Andre, boxer, as savior of the Republic, 78
Watkins, Sherron, Enron whistleblower, as shrinking violet, 111
Wilde, Oscar, forgiven hubris of, 129; as antisocial socialist, 144
Williams, Brian, NBC anchor, perpetual tan of, 17