Crayola Nation
"Thinking of the 2004 election as a matter of the old red states and blue states is a big mistake, and so is looking at our country that way."—E. J. Dionne Jr., The Washington Post, August 20, 2004
Apricot: Area code that does not contain a tow zone
Bark: Site of a hair salon called Gay Blades
Birch: Site of a hair salon called Dotty's Wash and Cut
Blush: State in which the phrase "kasha varnishkes" has never been spoken except by accident
Burnt sienna: Future site of Sonny Bono Museum
Buttery: Dick Cheney hideout
Camouflage: Waitress named Lurleen
Cerulean: Computer disk that belongs to Los Alamos
Cheddar: Place where Washington slept
Cinnamon: Place where Wilt Chamberlain slept
Claret: Suburban garage in which no rock band has rehearsed
Cornflower: High school named for Jefferson Davis
Dill: High school named for Angela Davis
Espresso: Street corner on which Prada handbags can be purchased for cash
French blue: Okra-eaters cluster
Granite: Roadside crate of zucchini for the taking
Grasshopper: Library named for George W. Bush
Gunbolt: High school named for Geena Davis
Lake: Zip code in which the words "Harold Bloom" have never been spoken except by accident
Lemon-lime: Significant private collection of Star Trek memorabilia
Melon: Cellar with Pilates equipment in original carton on floor behind furnace
Midnight: Cellar with Thighmaster in original carton on floor behind furnace
Moss: Place that could be mistaken for Canada
Peach: Brooklyn
Periwinkle: Site of final closeout Oriental-rug sale due to loss of lease
Pesto: Year-round family-yard-sale cluster
Pineforest: Courthouse with spittoons
Pumice: School district with elected commissioner who has seen Elvis recently
Raisin: School district with elected commissioner who has seen The Seventh Seal recently
Rust: Prairie with no Granta subscribers
Salmon: Jimmy Hoffa
Seafoam: Man who does great impersonation of Ed Sullivan
Shale: Kosher Chinese restaurant
Sherbet: Michael Jackson
Smoke: Annual Muskie Fishing and Arts Festival
Stonewash: Block on upper Broadway that has not appeared in Law & Order episode
Taupe: Stand of marijuana in woods behind high school named for Geena Davis
Teal: Lutheran parish hall in which the word "booty-licious" has never been spoken even by accident
Thistle: Rod McKuen Heritage Center
Walnut: Neighborhood with Starbucks that can be seen from sidewalk in front of another Starbucks
Watermelon: Front-yard-with-tireless-and-hoodless-cars cluster
Wedgwood: Convenience store currently being robbed
Whiskey: Berkeley, California
Wisteria: On-schedule Amtrak train