When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed,
and
do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to
you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to
you.
Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the
table
between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I
say
again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your
stick of
carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table,
even in
pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of
broccoli
are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest,
because
we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not
lean to
one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed
me;
for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold,
even as I have said, it has come to pass.
Laws Pertaining to Dessert
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean,
saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of
the
unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat,
and two
bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas
each,
or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten
enough of
your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then
you
shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you
eat the
potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet
leave
the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small
portion
thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around
with a
fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall
into
iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.
On Screaming
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a
plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching
each
other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the
offense
with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only
remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault.
Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal
seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome
to
you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though
the
vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that
sound
from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to
your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I
eat of
it myself, yet do not die.
Concerning Face and Hands
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills,
that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to
the
very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of
your
garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are
distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold
still,
I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also
each
thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you
shall not go hence until I have done.
Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath
water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if
it be
in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building;
nor
eat sand.