The Best Weapon

The best weapon has been developed. It will be used by all branches of the military. It can do anything, and it never misses. It aims, and sets off itself. It doesn’t form a parabola, it goes straight. It has a held of vision of everything that might be out there. It doesn’t leave a ringing in your ears. All its parts are dual. In the test, it destroyed forty-eight different things, such as some cups and many other things.

There is no way it can backfire. Or give powder burns. It is small. You can carry it in your wallet. But it’s not so small that you could lose it. Once one did get lost, but it comes back to you. It is round and warm and rather pleasant to touch. It is also slightly conical. It has some perfect creases in it. It tastes good if you ever had to carry it in your mouth. It’s not olive or black, either. It’s quite pretty.

It works on the principle of something scrambling to climb on top of itself. That’s how it gets to the target so fast. It is so smart. It never goes off more than necessary. Say it wants to be a depth charge and grapeshot and a panzer division at the same time, it can do that. It was developed by everybody at a university. When the time came, spokesmen gave out statements again and again about it.

It has the best of all the ones that went before in it, including Pratt and Whitney. It doesn’t leak and give off poisonous gases. It’s like a bow and arrow that way. It can do some homing when it needs to. It prearranges any targets it has. If you step on u by mistake, it doesn’t roll, making you fall. Ii can emit a military march, if the time is right. It is excellent at doing fougasses.

Some things built into it enable it to get to the other side (irst. One like it can be used in basic training. It has pippers. It’s the most escalation there could be. It is made from all the recycled materials. There’s an alloy in there too, It has no trigger or lift-off. All you do is put it on the ledge and leave it there until it’s ready. You could put its payload on the head of a pin. At the center of it is a leveling bubble. It can form a fifth column.

It can stop if the target is the wrong one. such as the Pacific Theater instead of one of the other ones. If the azimuth isn’t right, it will come back and fill the room, turning red. It can sometimes bring the target back if you want it to. It has a joy stick that it steers itself by, It could control any land belt or sealane. It can go surface to air, air to surface. It doesn’t even have to either one sometimes. Mother is tattooed on it.

It can create a magnetic field and attract things to it. It can go through anything, special vests or mirv. If radar comes into contact with it, it seems to be a robin. A fusillade will miss it. You can dig a foxhole for it with just one shovelful. If it is in a place where there are sweeps, it gets through those. Anyone with a bayonet misses it.

It goes so fast you can’t use mph. But it could be an easygoing dumdum bullet if it needed to. It is a very very credible deterrent. It can be so diversionary that everything follows it. If there are blister agents, it turns blue and curls, warning people. It can give the other side a cold, Just before it gets to the target, it can photograph the earth’s surface if it wants to. It can do skywriting if there is time. In another test, it evaporated a rain forest.

Wherever it goes it has a certain cadence. It can drop leaflets and boost morale. It can hide in some thickets or atolls for thirty years and get energy from berries. A part of it has a pontoon if it has to float. It can be used as the deck for another, smaller version of it. It can have a snorkel if it wants to be on the bottom somewhere. It can be amphibious by rolling up the slope of the shore, securing the beachhead.

The Boer War has to be the one it’s most sorry it missed. It could knock something into a cocked hat. It is silent, but it could go ack-ack if it wanted to. It has many peace uses. It can be a line judge. It can also be used around the house in ways. It costs $.30 to produce. One can be turned out every minute or two. It’s beautiful to watch. The wake has a rainbow and the English countryside in it. All of Florida is being used as its base.

It has to be saluted at regular intervals when you’re doing something with it. It is called Sir. When it is moved, there is one twenty-one-gun salute after another. No one can see its file. It is also called “Big Dear.”It doesn’t have to be piped on anything. You can see your eye in it. The only ones who can be in the same room with it are the joint chiefs. There is an academy that trains people how to be with it. The three faiths pray for it in eight-hour shifts.

For certain reasons no one could ever steal it. A line about it has been added to the national anthem. A parade was held in its honor. It kept the right distance between the floats. The Administration took it on a world tour. Everybody who was high-ranking was allowed to see it in secret meetings. It gave a demonstration. The major powers agreed to be democracies. There will be no outcry if it is ever used. It leaves no smithereens.