Becoming Superb: How to Control Yourself and the People Around You

A corporate survivor’s manual that further refines techniques developed by Michael Kordite, author of the best-selling People! How to Get Them, How to Use Them.

1. Entering a room (choose one)

A. standing on small trolley pulled by subordinate

B. via heating duct

C. plunge through skylight (let host sweep up glass)

2. Appearance (otherwise smooth)

A. stapled ears

B. hyperbolic-paraboloid-shaped nose (if lucky)

C. red wig (humorous)

3. Leaving a room

A. backwards

B. sideways

C. whooosh!!

4. Posture (negotiating)

A. scrunched up

B. modified lotus (squash blossom)

C. curled (flick tongue)

5. Posture (saying No) (choose two)

A. arms thrust forward stiffly (knee upraised)

B. lean forward 45 degrees (practice with Lally column)

C. lie concealed between false ceiling and true ceiling (speak in eerie voice)

6. Territory (defending, retaining)

A. tell people you meet your name is “Hilltop" (usually not true)

B. “picket fence”

C. spiked headband (subtle)

7. Territory (gaining, occupying)

A. place ladybug on holder’s desk

B. diversion by direct accomplice (colleague, small child)

C. diversion by indirect accomplice (big dog)

8. On the telephone

A. count ten‚ then speak . . . count ten‚ then speak

B. speak into earpiece

C. leave caller on hold for six minutes (overused)

9. Office design

A. visitors’ chairs’ backs to your desk

B. your desk on four-foot raised platform

C. murky pond between entrance and desk (no bridge)

10. Management of superiors

A. don’t point at stain on sleeve

B. edge around behind him (her??!!)

C. speak into earpiece

11. Subordinates

A. ignore

B. feign interest

C. “Have a nice day.”

12. Key words

A. maybe

B. if

C. NO!

13. Disorienting “others”

A. train fly to sit on nose (yours or theirs) (difficult, but pays off)

B. hovering in mid-air (timing crucial)

C. nerve gas

14. Peers

A. avoid

B. eliminate

C. humiliate (“kiss ‘n’ tell”)

15. Facial control (practice at mirror)

A. shut mouth (Elmer’s glue)

B. no blinking (Elmer’s glue on eyelids)

C. steady gaze (insert radishes behind glasses)

16. Wrong shoes

A. Adidas

B. high-sided black Keds

C. platforms with shiny pink spangles

17. Accessories (mix ‘n’ match)

A. Adidas bag

B. jar of caterpillars

C. shoulder-holster bulge (pork chop in inside breast pocket)

18. Greetings (choose two‚ use interchangeably)

A. “Howyadoin’?”

B. “Nice to see you.”

C. “Mmmmpiff.” (with steady gaze— see above)

19. Voice control

A. record and edit remarks a day ahead (lip sync)

B. resonant baritone: make sure has changed (no croaking); same goes for women

C. learn to throw your—(send $1.00)

20. Movement (standing)

A. no swaying side to side

B. no rotating shoulders (or hips)

C. inch forward

21. Movement (sitting)

A. gradually inflate body to 10 percent over normal size (practice daily‚ 12 minutes)

B. swivel (slowly‚ like restaurant atop Space Needle) C. inch chair forward

22. Movement (place to place)

A. smooth cornering

B. sedan chair (some risks)

C. goose step (modified)

23. “Moving In” (up)

A. on little cat feet

B. good eve contact unaccompanied by “colored” person

24. “Moving Out” (up?)

A. return key

B. check stairwells

C. destroy hostages

D. write “how-to" book about above

25. Self-image

A. positive

B. positively gorgeous

C. superb