Stop the Dirty-Word Drain


by L. B. Salomon
At Free Speech, and Filthy Speech, I neither gag nor groan,
For every little Movement has a meaning all its own.
There’s not a word I’ve ever heard that makes me ill or queasy,
But look, you guys, four-letter-wise it pays to take it easy.
When billingsgate you escalate, you know not what you do:
It takes a heap of abstinence to make a term taboo,
And every dirty word that gets infected with propriety
Is one more natural resource lost to the Great Society.
Are we so rich in phrases which it takes some guts to utter?
At Parent - Teacher teas can we afford both buns and gutter?


With tea-table talk gone all hairy and tough,
What can you use when the going gets rough?
What’ll you shout when a two-ton truck
Splatters your coat with water and muck —
Oh, mercy me?
What can you scrawl
On the men’s-room wall —
When doing slow burns
Over tax returns,
Will you cry What a dilly?
When your car won’t budge,
Will you holler Oh, fudge?
Don’t be silly!


Our dirtiest words
Don’t come in herds.
Please keep ‘em dirty.
We haven’t got more
Than three or four.
We sure could use thirty!