Recipe for a Canadian Novel

After Cyprian Norwid

Ingredients: one Mountie,
one Indian, an Eskimo
and a Doukhobor.
Add: a small-town whore,
a thousand miles of wheat,
a farmer, impotent and bent.
A fair-haired daughter too,
a Laurentian mountain
and a Montreal Jew.
Include also: a boy
with a dying pet,
and a mortgage unmet.
If this sours, sweeten
with maple syrup —
preferably French-Canadian,
but dilute, if foreign
to the taste.
Stir, then beat.
Drop in exotic and tangy
place-names — Toronto,
Saskatoon, Hudson Bay.
To prepare the sauce:
paragraphs of bad prose
that never seem to stop.
For distinctive flavor:
garnish with maple leaves.
Mix, then leave.
Dice one Confederation poet
complete with verse
(remove mold first).
Drain, bring to a simmer,
but avoid a boil.
Pour, place in oven, bake.
Slice in pieces, or leave whole.
Serves nineteen million
when cold.